Addressing people by name

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kiki3
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05 Apr 2007, 6:45 pm

I say aquaintances' names, generally, only when calling for them or trying to get their attention. I would have a difficult time saying, for instance, "I see your point, Sue. How observant of you, Fred." It just seems odd and a little schmoozy, like something a sales person would do. Do you think NT's do this a lot? I haven't really noticed. On the other hand, I don't have a problem at all with calling my husband or kids by their first name, even referring to them by pet names I have given them all. Maybe it has something to do with intimacy.

ghostgurl
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05 Apr 2007, 6:47 pm

Yeah, I can't do it. It feels weird to say my own name too.

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ZanneMarie
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05 Apr 2007, 6:50 pm

kiki3 wrote:

Yes, they do it a lot. It makes them feel valued and good. That's why they do it. They like how it makes them feel, so they want to make the other person feel the same thing. Make sense?

I think it doesn't have the same effect on us. I know it doesn't for me.

Sopho
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05 Apr 2007, 6:54 pm

ZanneMarie wrote:

kiki3 wrote:

I never realised how much other people did until about a year ago when someone pointed out to me that I rarely do it. I don't know why, it just never comes naturally to refer to someone by their name, it always feels awkward.
The only person I actually address by their name is my cat, not that it would make any difference though seeing as she doesn't speak English....

ExeterChris
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05 Apr 2007, 6:58 pm

I've never actually thought about this before.
I do avoid using people's names except when originally getting their attention, and sometimes not even then.

kiki3 wrote:

I would have a difficult time saying, for instance, "I see your point, Sue. How observant of you, Fred."

I never do something like that.

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neongrl
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05 Apr 2007, 7:05 pm

Sopho_soph wrote:

The only person I actually address by their name is my cat, not that it would make any difference though seeing as she doesn't speak English....

Me too. No problem at all calling animals by name when I'm talking to them. "Toby, do you want some food?" "Good boy, Toby." (The funny thing is, I don't use his name much if I'm talking about him - "Look at the kitty." - the opposite to what happens with humans.) No problem with eye contact with animals either, and it's a big problem with humans.

Sopho
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05 Apr 2007, 7:17 pm

neongrl wrote:

That's the same as me. I hardly ever refer to my cat by her name when I'm talking to other people about her and I'm not sure why. I also don't have a problem with eye contact with animals, I think my cat would probably think I was ignoring her all the time if I did. I tend to understand cats a lot more than humans though, it would be useful if I could apply that to people too

WCHandy
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05 Apr 2007, 11:11 pm

I have a pretty good memory with things that interest me, but I can't seem to remember names even when I try. That's too bad because I think that many people consider it to be important. When people address others by name they expect to be addressed by name in return. You may think that you are fooling them when you don't say their name, but most of the time you are not. People usually notice when you've forgotten their name. I'd almost say that it's better to just fess up and let them know. The only reason that I don't is that would really put the pressure on for our next meeting to remember their name and I can't be sure that I'd be up to it.

Danielismyname
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06 Apr 2007, 3:36 am

Nope. And I forget nothing....

I see it as an escalation from nothing to the [possible] beginning of an interpersonal relationship; relationships are the most painful thing to me. I’d rather burn myself; it hurts a lot less and heals quicker. Acknowledging a name is acknowledging the person.

(I'm fine with "my" dog though.... He doesn't require anything more than a name and caring actions.)

calandale
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06 Apr 2007, 7:01 am

who cares what their name is?

hale_bopp
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06 Apr 2007, 7:32 am

neongrl wrote:

I think this has been discussed before but I can't find it...

Does anyone else here have a real problem saying another person's name when you're talking to them? NT's do it all the time when they're addressing people. I find it extremely uncomfortable (similar to eye contact) and only do it if I absolutely have to. I can use people's names if I'm talking about them, just not if I'm talking to them. And I don't really like hearing my own name either, although that's not quite as bad as saying someone else's.

I made a thread on this years ago called "saying people's names".

So yes, I have the same problem. In fact, I was really shocked to see that I was not alone. I say "them" all the time. Hardly ever "him" or "her", but I usually get really embarassed when I have to say someone's name to them.

Luckily this has gotten a lot bette rover the past 2 years.

Apatura
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06 Apr 2007, 7:36 am

I can never remember people's names IRL. :oops: I have called people by the wrong name, and have been trapped when having to introduce someone. I considered becoming a teacher but knew I would never be able to remember the children's names... that wasn't the ony reason I didn't go through and do it, but it was a factor.

scrulie
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06 Apr 2007, 7:47 am

hale_bopp wrote:

neongrl wrote:

I made a thread on this years ago called "saying people's names".

I always thought it was just me too! I'm much better at it than I used to be. Calling my parents 'mum' and 'dad' was always uncomfortable, even. It's all about embarrassment, for me, but I can't explain it.

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hale_bopp
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06 Apr 2007, 7:54 am

scrulie wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

neongrl wrote:

I made a thread on this years ago called "saying people's names".

That must have been very hard for you. When I was growing up, I was used to calling teachers "miss" and "sir", and saying an adult's name was really really hard for me when I grew up.

larsenjw92286
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06 Apr 2007, 8:59 am

If I'm distracted, I don't address people by name.

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pluto
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06 Apr 2007, 9:55 am

jnet wrote:

I don't use other people's names in conversation except when trying to get their initial attention. It sounds weird if I use it too much. It is really strange is hearing my own name, anytime, ever. It shocks or rattles me. I can somewhat tolerate it if it is the attention getting thing. But if it is used during a conversation it sounds so...odd.

That pretty much sums it up for me as well.I sometimes get caught out when other people
try to attract my attention and I'm not facing them at the time.I often don't hear my name being
called.Maybe I'm subconsciously blocking it out to avoid the stress of formulating a response !

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