My boyfriend is autistic and i need help coping

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Part of what you're describing sounds like fixated behavior, which is common in autistic people, but the rest sounds childish and emotionally charged. I would say those things are common in any teenager.

As to the being fixated on you, that's pretty simple. You could tell him that these certain times are your times together and these other times are your times to yourself. Stick to that schedule and he'll get used to it.

He can't tell you who your friends are. You may have to explain to him the difference between a male friend and a romantic interest. If he doesn't get it after that, I just wouldn't listen to any more complaints about it. I would not respond to any texts about it, hang up on any phone conversations, and leave if he's saying it in person. He'll catch on.

As to the threats about killing himself. If he says that again, I'd report it to his parents. If you think it was serious enough or you're about to break up with him now, I'd go ahead and tell them anyway now. You can't have knowledge that he's said something like that and not responsibly report it.

I agree. Sounds like my ex and it's irrelevant whether he is 15, 30 or 50: the advice would be the same. You obviously care but you are equipped to help him and he will just drag you down, especially at your age. Even as someone with Mental Health care training I am not capable of dealing with someone who is in that state. Ditto about telling his parents about the suicide threats now. If he threatens to do it if you break up, that is a valid reason to call 911 or the relevant emergency number. You aren't qualified to be a therapist or a psychiatrist.

It is important that you understand that any suicide threats that he is making have nothing to do with you. You are not the cause, you are not the one who is making him have those thoughts. It's nothing you are doing or not doing. It's something going on within himself that he needs help with. So don't hold on to him thinking you should be the one to keep him from having those thoughts. If he needs professional help than he needs it. Lots of people do, there is no shame in that. But you can't be the one to do that. But whatever happens with him, it is absolutely 100% not your fault.

I had problems like that in my 1st two relationships cuz of my anxiety & OCD. I never had those problems in my current relationship cuz i got on anxiety & OCD medication.

I dont really like alot people said here. Like hes a loser, abusive, and I have no idea how some of these people came up with diagnosis's for him that have nothing to do with what you said. Now thats been said.

Ok hes been told hes a loser and wont amount to anything his whole life and been robbed of his money while being told by the world hes under par cause of how he was born. So he might be a bit insecure, easily fixed if you cared enough to actually talk with him about things and assure him its all about him. I used to get so angry til a girl I met just told me to 'calm down and explain' and when I did everything fell into place.

And him not wanting you to hang out with other guys is not abusive as the 50 year old woman was saying, beating you is domestic abuse or whatever. He doesnt beat you, it just bothers him when you hurt him. It would take a very overdefensive person or in otherwords guilty person to even think something like that. He just expects you to act like a lady and ladies dont leave their men at home to go hang out with other guys. Im sorry but real relationships do not work that way. You can say but we are just friends, well if he was hanging out with some girl that you thought was pretty I am sure you would not feel right about it.

Honestly I dont think its him that is not ready for a relationship, I think its you. He might be a bit inexperienced in how to deal with things like communcating but he has autism hes not supposed to be good at that. At least hes not doing what you do to him and totally violating every rule in a relationship. The fact you are on here thinking if you should break up with him, I do because I dont think you are good enough for him. If you loved him you would be patient and communicate and put up with everything wrong with him cause im sure you have things wrong with you too. THATS what a real relationship is about.

I mean it might be different if everybody telling you that in a relationship you can just do whatever you want, were all not older women who have trouble keeping their own relationships. Ask a proper lady and wife and a mother if its ok to go hang out with other guys that her husband doesnt know i mean... really, I dont think any of these women want a relationship either.

It is what it is, if you dont want to act like a girlfriend then dont bother wasting his time. I mean at least hes trying to act like a boyfriend. Geesh no wonder hes worried or insecure. Learn to communicate on the level hes trying to and if you want to hang out with a guy he should be there too. If thats too hard you do not want a relationship and never will have one thats meaningful. So go ahead and leave him its your loss. I mean he wouldnt be freaking out if he had a better girlfriend anyway.

Imagine if you had a son who was behaving like he is to you when you went to see your friends. How would you respond? You would still love him with all your heart, wouldn't you?

That's what love is. It's unconditional. If you can't feel such a love for him, I don't see how your relationship can be genuine love.

As someone who has worked in a mental health team, and in psychiatric wards, let me tell you from firsthand experience professional help is not professional and it's not helpful.

Anyone genuine like I was who wanted to make a difference was faced with a wall of indifference by the other staff who had a culture of treating patients like third class citizens. Bureaucracy meant nurses followed orders blindly even when I pointed out to them techniques they were using were making patients worse.

Trust me, whatever this guy needs it isn't professional help from mental health services. If he could find a genuinely helpful individual not working within the health service he might have a better chance.

THANK YOU! AMEN! i am getting shipped to me max sec unit Wednesday morning. I can vouch that shrinks and psych unit staff are pretty much some of the dumbest, immoral, and most destructive people in this world. Its a hard balance between wanting to beat them to death for abusing people thats disabled on a whole nother level that autism, and holding myself back so I dont end up a lifer. Psych units literally is what turned me into a violent criminal in the first place and I been trying to fix all that they did to me for myself.

I'm really sorry to hear that, Magi. Good luck. Do whatever you can to get yourself happier. I spend a lot of time doing hobbies that don't involve other people that I can put a lot of time into.

I'm hoping to learn survival skills. I think it's called bushcraft. Then I could stay in the forest and hunt and forage for wild food. That would be a great way of escaping the stresses of normal life sometimes.

Look up emotional abuse or domestic abuse and it will show those exact same symptoms the OP's boyfriend is displaying. One of the signs is they try and isolate you from your friends.

It doesn't matter why they are doing any of the abuse, it's still abuse nonetheless and if they do have a legitimate problem that is causing them to behave that way, they need to work it out with a therapist because they are not ready for a relationship or otherwise the relationship will be toxic and they will hurt their partner.

And BTW, abuse does not need to be psychical for it to be domestic abuse. That is a common misconception people have and that is the reason why not all people are aware they are in a abusive relationship, even I was not aware until after the break up when I was reading about emotional abuse in a Seventeen magazine and my ex ticked three of the boxes. Then online I kept hearing about emotional manipulation on this forum so I decided to Google it and bam it also sounded like my ex and I also looked up emotional abuse and bam again. Then I read about covert narcissism and bingo.

About abuse....

I am looking at a business card for the domestic violence center, that is handed out at the level 1 trauma center ER in my area.

1) Does your significant other try to control who you physically visit, text, email or talk on the phone? Are there restrictions for visiting family, friends, work, school or shopping.

Domestic violence is not just a two fisted beat down. It's verbal actions and control actions also. No one has the right to be verbally abused or have an SO control actions or access to people.

In the 1970s, domestic violence was a women getting the s**t beaten out of her by her husband or boyfriend. The criteria is much broader now.

Did you know you can get a restraining order for just the verbal abuse or the controlling stalker behavior? You can also be charged and do jail time for verbal abuse and the stalker/controlling stuff. I live in the US, and this is for my state.

When my husband had a violent meltdown, and tried to pull me into the house by my hair, the police wanted to charge him with domestic violence. We/he opted to go to the ER and do a psych elevation, which let to his ASD diagnosis eventually.

Wow, I just disagree with this on so many levels. Since I'm one of the nearly 50 crowd, I'll start by responding to the crack about us not ever wanting to be in a relationship, or our age somehow mysteriously disqualifying us from having a valid opinion about abuse. I noted that Tawaki mentioned being married to her Aspie for more than 10 years, so saying either of us don't want a relationship is not accurate. I also think a number of your remarks come close to personal attacks on the OP.

Here are my credentials: I am autistic, and I've been with the same woman for 22 years. We've had good times and awful times, but we have pushed our way through. Before my marriage, I was in other relationships. I was verbally abused in some of them. I grew up in a household in which my dad verbally abused my mom constantly, and occasionally physically abused mom and us kids. One time he whipped my brother so bad he left bloody welts on his legs and bottom. Because my brother got his trousers dirty. I am pretty sure dad was autistic too, as he had a lot of the signs. So believe me when I say: verbal abuse can escalate to much, much worse. Just because he's autistic does not make him a saint. This is not some kind of "Stand By Your Man" story, an "oh maybe I can fix him and make him a good man" soap opera story--this is ABOUT STAYING SAFE. The OP has no other responsibility than to stay safe.

The reality is that change is incredibly difficult even if a person WANTS to change. You can't change your lover by being nicer, or more ladylike, or no longer seeing your friends. An abuser will ALWAYS find something to throw a fit over. I've been there from the other side too--I became more and more verbally abusive to my wife after she was injured and no longer able to work. I was too self-centered to see that she was too hurt to even do much housework. I was a first-class awful person, and would blow up over the smallest things because I felt so much pressure to provide for us. It could be anything--a spot on the carpet, a late bill, or just interrupting my train of thought. It's no excuse, but it was the model I knew from growing up. It's taken a lot of work to change, and I am far from perfect, even though I want to change a lot.

Clear communication is indeed very important with an autistic person, but it is still important to make clear the difference between misunderstandings and a person who is a control freak trying to control every aspect of his girlfriend's life. I am NOT saying he is a loser. I am saying it sounds like he needs help, this is a much bigger problem than a 15 year old woman can handle. The young man's parents need to be involved. The suicide threat MUST be taken seriously. It doesn't have to mean being locked up in a psych ward. It can mean counseling or group therapy, and perhaps some meds to manage the anxiety and depression.

you're cool.

I agree with everything you said, with the exception of the fact that a 15 year old is not a woman, she is a teenager and almost still a child.

Yes, trying to control and limit someone else's social contacts is definitely a sign of an overly controlling person, which most emotional and physical abusers are. You don't have the right to tell your girlfriend or boyfriend who they can hang out with.

Are you in a successful relationship?