Should I have a goal in life?

Post Reply New Topic

Easier said than done.

I agree with this. It's easy to only think about the future and when things will be "good enough" to be happy. If you don't like yourself, is any amount of money, dates, or friends really going to be enough?

My high school days were not very good, but I had a few friends I wish I still had now and spent more time with. I'm sure when I'm 50, I'll be thinking about my better health at 29.

Easier said than done, yeah.

I guess. I keep thinking that when I reach a certain point in life I'll be free but I don't have a clear definition of where that point is.

Anybody apply the 'SMART' method (SMART is an acronym) in setting goals? Has the SMART method proven helpful (despite AS/HFA)?

On the SMART method: https://www.primeconcepts.com/effective-goal-setting/

Good day to you from accross the pond,

I feel in some ways, you and I are floating along the same boat, drifting on and on in a metaphorical sense. I am very metaphorical so bear with me for moment.

I am 23, my original goal in life was military because long story short, I was an Air Cadet when I 13 and left 17, in duration of my life from the time I started to somewhat have cohertant thoughts to completely being I suppose somewhat fully awaken with theories, feelings and so on.

My goal before Military was very naive, I thought I go trained to being a IT repairman, fix computers and earn a decent pensioner but I realise this path was too unrealistic as the IT business in my town have gone bust or closed down, only lasting five years at best and by 19 after years, letting dictated by the college staff have taken a toll on me and I was miserable for few years.

I went through therapy after therapy, figure out my next move, I wanted to be in military because it was somewhat familar from cadets, it was easy to follow orders rather giving it, I want ascended further and set the bar higher than my well educated siblings who went to universities (or colleges for the Americans) and felt suicidal so I was willing to accept death anyways.

I still do feel it at times when it gets heavier in thoughts and voices screaming out for something.

I made smaller goals, doing the basics like learning driving, it is on the back burn, I focus on earning my Maths and English at Level 2, which is the same as GED but one rank higher, I constantly try doing what I called, exposure therapy, which is essentially trying stuff I think about doing but often felt discouraged by my mother because of my anger problem, I am working on sewing project, self teaching myself to operating the sewing machine, I want to try learning the guitar, learn German...my career path is having a trade such as carpentry, this is my back up, explore the specific public sector and if it does not pan out then I just become a drifter. Move from one place and another, it sounds rubbish but it is better than living in anxiety house, literally and metaphorical.

It is best to list things and talk with someone either here or out there, one of your close mates and bounce ideas. Small goals that is achievable, new, learning and/or distracting.

Talking to people is a pain because it feels like awkward stand up, case in point, me bragging myself and feeling like muppet but this site is another form of therapy, by trying to find people who I feel is worth investing, making some friends even if it is far away.

Then think of big goals, would you want to travelling, do you want try new career path...

Seek ideas from televisions, books, random posters....

I hope it helps because I feel somewhat confident in my words but it might be translated as one of those annoying dogs who is looking at you with creepy grin and badgering for attention. Sorry, feel free to message if you need some ideas...

Don't games have goals? My general goal has been to leave the world a little better than I found it. That is awful hard to keep score on, but sometimes the trend is clear. Along the way, there have been goals like writing a program for myself, taking a bicycle tour, winning a prize, and so on. For three years, I wanted to replace the roof on my house, and last fall, I did it.
When I was very depressed, my main goal was to get enough sleep and maintain my diet by careful budgeting. Then I started doing little craft projects, just for my own amusement, and things have improved fairly steadily since. For four years, I have intermittently tried to get 'phone service restored without success, but I don't get too torn up about not being able to achieve all goals. There's a list of others to try.

There is nothing wrong with having no goals or directions in life.
People should never compare themselves to others.
People should live their lives the way they want to live them.
People should stop trying to please others all the time.

Theres no need for your goal to be enormous and somewhat unobtainable though.

Mine is simply to have enough money to pay the bills and keep both of my cars on the road and in good condition. But most of all its simply to be happy!

I do not believe in wasting time on self improvement.
I have ASD and it ASD that limits what I can do in life.
Just live another day is the only goal I set.

I’ve never had a “grand goal.” I’ve never been ambitious.

Learning how to drive was a big deal to me. I can’t live without owning a car.

"You got to have a dream.
If you don't have a dream,
how you gonna make that dream come true?"
- from "South Pacific," a Broadway musical.

A brain is built to process goals, and is not happy with just entertainment.
People who come close to death by accident or intent often get a rush of new interest in life from the rush of body reactions to danger.

I am a firm believer in goals. When my daughter was in the second grade, I pulled her aside and asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. She thought about the question that night and came back the next morning and said she wanted to be a doctor. That became her focus, a razor sharp focus. Today she is a medical doctor. The goal took a million steps to achieve but the goal was the light that lead her, that drove her, that made her go above and beyond.

Since you said that "The trouble is, I can't think of any goal that isn't based on pleasing other people or keeping up with other people. Nothing. How can I think of one? What can my goal be that's just for myself? I can't think of anything."

Then it sounds like you might fit into a career where you please others. Volunteer your time and effort helping others. Feel their empathy and provide them general help. That career is called volunteering.

I think most people are happier when they're working on goals, though I don't see anything wrong with just bumming around if it makes you happy (which I guess isn't the case for the OP). I think the therapist is definitely right to advise not to try to achieve the things others think you should be going for.

My own goals are usually fairly small. I'm not one for dreaming about making any massive changes or reinventing myself or my situation - I tend to see my life as essentially OK as it is but in need of plenty of minor tweaks. So my goals usually start with my noticing that I'm uncomfortable (or likely to become uncomfortable) about something or other, then I have a think and figure out a possible way of fixing it, then I try it out. I don't go much for creating artificial goals such as conventional puzzle-solving, as I prefer to get a result that's of some practical use to me, but I like doing the occasional jigsaw puzzle with my wife, so I guess I must enjoy pursuing goals for their own sake, and I definitely like co-operative working when it goes smoothly.

Examples:
I'm expecting my computer operating system (Windows 7) to become troublesome in the near future because the Web is gradually dropping support for it, so to pre-empt the discomfort of that I'm looking into installing Windows 10. It's not as simple as it sounds because Windows 10 is full of adware and spyware, so I'm looking into ways of nobbling all that, and I'm also planning to make sure I can definitely get back to Windows 7 whenever I want to.

I was getting fed up of the tedium of cooking every day, so I've just developed a bulk cooking method that produces 12 portions which can be frozen away for consumption later, thus taking advantage of the economy of scale.