What advice would you give to other autistic people?

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Piobaire
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15 Jan 2019, 12:34 pm

Desiderata
GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, © 1927



Dear_one
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15 Jan 2019, 12:59 pm

^^ I used to have that on a wall poster, and was also tempted to put a copy here. It is also a great illustration of the capriciousness of life. After years of obscurity, the attribution was misread when an old church published it in their newsletter, and it was then widely circulated as centuries-old wisdom.



Prometheus18
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15 Jan 2019, 4:19 pm

Think beyond your label.



Ichinin
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15 Jan 2019, 4:41 pm

Do NOT read the bible. Stay away from organised (and disorganised) religion.

Stop trying to fit into the NT world. You are you for a reason, at times it can be a bit tough, but if everyone was the same, the universe would suck.

A special interest can turn into a job, as long as there is someone willing to pay for it. Dedication is the key to becoming good.

Whine less, do more. If you tell yourself that you are going to fail, then you will. Expressing self destructiveness is auto-indoctrination towards "the dark side".

Stop caring so much what others think of you.

You are not your diagnosis. Stop listening to what other people say that you cannot do or achieve. Some are high functioning and some are low functioning, that is just life. If you have been dealt a bad hand, play the deck of cards that you were given at the beginning of life.

Take care of your health, learn to listen to your body to figure out what it needs. Eat a well rounded diet, take vitamins if you have to.

Stay away from political games and people who create problems from nothing.

If you find yourself in a toxic environment with a**holes at work, don't try to change the culture - look for a new job and get out as soon as you can. Happiness is more important if you can survive in some other way.

True, like Piobaire said, "be kind", but also don't take crap from people who are unkind to you. Draw a line in the sand.

Take Martial Arts - just in case if someone crosses that line :D

Remember that even normal people struggle with life:
Image


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wrongcitizen
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16 Jan 2019, 4:24 am

Figure out how to make yourself do things that you don't want to do and master executive functioning. Develop good work ethic specifically. This is the most important thing and I'm still trying to get to this point. This, along with a few other things, is the difference between those of us who are struggling and less functional vs those who make a large income and have families. This is true for everyone but for us there's actually MORE opportunity to do well due to our neural structure and potentially fast learning pace.

The first thing I've truly learned about myself is that I have the maturity of someone who is 8, but the logical and reasoning capacity of someone who is 40 (I wont disclose but I'm somewhere in there). What this means is that I'm able to understand a very complex concept theoretically and put things together in a way other people won't but unable to put a plan into action. I feel like my internal world is broken off from this one. I want to do things all the time but can't get my brain to act physically, so end up sitting there trapped in the same cyclic thought for months.

I know what music to buy and I know technical stuff about music and how to write music, and I know how instruments work and how to practice them, but have never been able to make myself play any instrument. Additionally, I can figure out concepts during an exam, wherever I may be taking it, but I have never been able to learn how to study properly and consistently, studying at most for a few minutes before I feel put off.

If this can be mastered, we can literally work ourselves out of any situation. Don't get me wrong, I work and go to school, but I utilize all my free time sleeping or doing nothing and I'm trying to figure out how to get past this.



IstominFan
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16 Jan 2019, 9:47 am

Don't give up on yourself and your dreams.

Pursue an interest, even if it is an atypical one. I took up tennis lessons, and I enjoy them.



BTDT
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16 Jan 2019, 10:06 am

Being different means that you need to figure out stuff on your own.

Even if people mean well. they can't experience things the way you do, so at best they are just guessing.

Normal people are similar enough that just copying what works for someone else is often close enough, but often that doesn't work if you are on the spectrum.

You may need to find forums like this one for ideas and try different things. And not get too discouraged if it doesn't work for you. And ignore the comments about how stuff doesn't work for them.



Fnord
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16 Jan 2019, 10:28 am

Don't obsess over whether or not you have a girlfriend, what other people might be thinking about you, whether or not other people like you, and how many couples you see in public.



ASPartOfMe
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16 Jan 2019, 12:01 pm

Accept that you are autistic and work with it instead of fighting it, as much as possible.

Accept that life often has more frustrating, depressing setbacks then successes.

Understand that these setbacks even many in a row often are just that setbacks, not proof that you are a waste of space.

This probably pertains to mostly Americans but understand that you are not a robot that sometimes no matter how hard you try you just do not have the ability to do certain things. This relates to the the first sentence. Fight the constant mesaging that “you can accomplish anything you want if you try hard enough” and the scolding and shaming, and scowls that come with disapproving of said theory.


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Dear_one
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16 Jan 2019, 12:25 pm

BTDT wrote:
Being different means that you need to figure out stuff on your own.

Even if people mean well. they can't experience things the way you do, so at best they are just guessing.

Normal people are similar enough that just copying what works for someone else is often close enough, but often that doesn't work if you are on the spectrum.

You may need to find forums like this one for ideas and try different things. And not get too discouraged if it doesn't work for you. And ignore the comments about how stuff doesn't work for them.


Good advice about imitation. I had a very hazardous counsellor who only did her best imitation of her talented boss. Neither one understood the problem. Also beware that the advice given professionally is now uninex, but peoples' reactions are anything but. Ie: men don't get sympathy. Also agreed that if you have talent, you probably will have to teach yourself how to use it.



littlebee
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16 Jan 2019, 12:39 pm

Do not play the autism card. Playing that card will distort your thinking, cripple you, limit your possibility to develop.



Last edited by littlebee on 16 Jan 2019, 12:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

BTDT
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16 Jan 2019, 12:41 pm

https://www.wyff4.com/article/we-hire-a ... s/23584311
We 'hire all of God's children': Restaurant posts sign after complaint about special needs employees

This Pizza Inn owner hires people with special needs and looks out for them.

Don't pass up opportunities to like this one because you think the work is "beneath you."



AprilR
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16 Jan 2019, 1:04 pm

Try to be kind and giving.



littlebee
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16 Jan 2019, 1:22 pm

Re "Try to be kind and giving": that is good advice and a lot of good advice is being given on this thread, but the message about the restaurant owner hiring disabled people is imo off topic, not for this forum, but for this thread.

Re what I wrote: "Do not play the autism card. Playing that card will distort your thinking, cripple you, limit your possibility to develop," This is the best advice I could give to any autistic person who is doing this, though not every autistic person is. What I meant is do not play the autism card from a psychological angle, to protect and buffer yourself and manipulate other people to enable you. That is a distortion of genuinely asking for help and receiving it because you are disabled (if you even are). This said, thinking/feeling you are disabled and being disabled is the reason for all the problems you are having when basically you cannot cope because of a personality disorder (though you may be autistic, too) will keep you from developing. Not all but some, even many autistic people I have encountered are encouraging each other to play this card from the psychological angle. That is tragic. Of course one could inquire into the meaning of playing a card. Maybe that has a derogatory connection in itself. Am not sure. Will have to think about it. Peace.



Dear_one
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16 Jan 2019, 1:59 pm

AprilR wrote:
Try to be kind and giving.


Agreed, but don't let regulars abuse your charity, hoping that they are friends.



ASPartOfMe
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16 Jan 2019, 2:02 pm

Disability does not necessarily mean inability.

Off Topic:
Welcome back littlebee.


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“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman