Social Rejection

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My point was that social rejection and its ill effects can be more than just "peanuts" and that "not having any friends" is only a small fraction on it all. You really are privileged as you still don't seem to get it.

Excuse me, I didn't assume anything about you. I wasn't even addressing you or anything you said. But I must remember, even the wise and the aged can be jerks, which is what you're being now in your presumptuousness. Wasn't even thinking about you when I made my initial response.

I was trying to get people to THINK more deeply about those things. If/when the safety net goes away, it's sink or swim, MOST ESPECIALLY FOR AN ASPIE. Social rejection transcends "having friends" and applies to trying to earn bread-and-butter in a socially hostile work environment.

THINK!

Well, I'm sorry for any pain you feel as a result of social rejection, but I just can't see how it could be worse than starvation or being in fear for one's life, or being homeless, or being a victim of sexual abuse, or any number of other things.

I accept that the "peanuts" thing was belittling, so sorry about that, but this notwithstanding, there are dozens of far worse fates than social rejection/isolation and so forth. I'm sure social isolation is about more than just not having friends, but this seems to be the crux of it for most people here, myself included, unless you're going to tell me otherwise.

Last edited by Prometheus18 on 06 Mar 2019, 9:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's not that "peanuts" was belittling. I agree, someone whining about having no friends is a drop in the bucket compared to bigger problems in life.

I'm saying that SOCIAL REJECTION is MORE than simply not having friends.

SOCIAL REJECTION, for those who have to work for a living, is an extra level of BS atop the work itself. NTs navigate it more naturally. Some of them may even flourish in it. Aspies often get destroyed in the hierarchy by which NTs abide when we're the ones socially rejected.

If a manger treats an Aspie like s**t, then co-workers often take the cue. I've been there, and MANY people on this forum have been as well. If your parents or the government pay your way, you're blessed. If you suddenly have to work (even coming from a middle class, comfortable Western background) you'd quickly understand what I'm saying, and how the social rejection, being on the outs with the people you MUST socialize with in order to keep a job, can be very debilitating.

There is more to social rejection than simply, "I have no friends and no social life."

It permeates the workforce, aka YOUR means of survival (in this situation).

What you were trying to say just clicked for me before I started reading your above post. I think I understand what you meant in an earlier discussion too, now that you've clarified it.

Well, you're right that I'm super lucky not to have to put up with those things and, again, I am correspondingly grateful. All I can say is that you have my sympathy and best wishes.

Social rejection is what Jehovah's Witnesses actively and openly practice against those members who fail to measure up to their restrictive standards of behavior. Unfortunately, they have so many "Thou Shalts" and "Thou Shalt Nots" (176 at last count, 111 of which are of the "Shalt Not" type) that it is virtually impossible to not break any of them. Example: "Thou shalt not lie, but thou mayest refrain from telling the truth to those whom Jehovah's Witnesses deem unworthy of it."

They call the practice of Social Rejection "Disfellowshipping" (the Roman Catholic Church calls it "Excommunication"), and it can be devastating to individuals and families. This Article from the Detroit Free Press details one such story.

Imagine being shunned by everyone you know for being engaged to someone of a different faith, for wearing green on March 17th, or for giving money to any charity other than your church.

I heard about a fellow who was visiting a small town in New England, perhaps in the 50's. Out walking with a friend, he noticed one guy being clearly shunned. People would cross the street to avoid seeing his face. It took considerable persuasion, but his friend finally told the reason - "He dipped into his principle." ie: he had paid current bills from his savings account instead of investing the money.
My ex was still complaining about the girl cliques that excluded her in grade seven at age 50. After we separated, I found that most of the friends I had counted on were gone, so I couldn't proceed with my other plans.

I see this thread went waaay downhill overnight. Please stick to the topic of this thread, which topic is not what is or is not social rejection and/or how bad it is. This latter is a topic in itself and I agree with some of the stuff people wrote, such as the guy with the big glaring (and perceived as aggressive to me, maybe because I am autistic?) black letters, but if you want to talk about what is or is not social rejection please either fit this side topic into the main topic here. which it may be possible to do, or start your own thread (which I would love to read). Below is my original message and the intended subject of this thread.

"Social rejection is probably one of the most painful things a human being can experience. The simple reality is that some people (not thinking of anyone in particular, but this probably does apply to certain people here, including myself, in certain circumstances) behave in ways that are perceived by a large majority of other people to be socially unacceptable, ie. self-centered, rude, aggressive or whatever etc. and this kind of behavior simply does not fit in. People do not want to spend time with such people because it feels unpleasant, and they maybe even are rude to these other kinds of people, (which rudeness, to me, is generally unacceptable), but the existence of this kind of rude behavior is a fact. Then these other people who are treated rudely feel rejected, and sometimes do not accept responsibility for any of their own behavior, some of which they cannot help, but some of which they CAN do something about. The sad fact is that as long as these socially rejected people continue to completely blame other people and not at all look at how their own behavior may be playing into the way they are being treated, they are stuck in a terrible perceptional glitch which hinders their further emotional/psychological developmental progression and leads to even further suffering for themselves (and many others also). So how such an imo self-defeating behavioral syndrome work, particularly in causing suffering for other people?"

***This thread is not intended to be about what a person perceives social rejection is, though the way people perceive and then frame contexts very much can be fitted in here; therefore I think what the black letter guy wrote is kind of relevant. This said, workplace rejection can be bizzarely painful. It can threaten and even destroy a person's entire existence. Imo that is a valid point. Actually, the way trends and tendencies in greater society can lead to group cruelty can probably be fitted in, too, though it is not the intended topic,but if you do not fit it in and just go off on your own rant, then you are the kind of person. if I were in a group conversation or a business manager, I might be either consciously or unconsciously inclined to reject. What IS the intended topic is how an autistic person;s (or, actually any person's) behavior and thinking can play into these kinds of socially negative situations and turn them into an ever increasing downward spiral, and also, though we did not get to this aspect yet, how group think in the autistic community can enable, reinforce and further perpetrate this kind of wrong thinking and behavior. Very sad and tragic (imo).

Rejection and bullying has caused me to socially withdraw.
It's not necessarily rejection itself that is damaging, but rather HOW you're rejected, and the amount of times, I think. If somebody is nice enough to tell you to your face in a non-malicious manner that they aren't really interested or comfortable with associating with you I can respect that. But a lot of people don't do that; they pretend to like you and talk about you behind your back, or they totally ostracize you and criticize your existence.

I think after a while (and a number of rejections and negative social interactions) I just stopped trying. It just wasn't worth the effort for little or no reward.

My intent is not so much to focus on what caused social rejection, though that could maybe play into the dialogue, but rather about what one can do to change the situation if one wants to try to change it. A lot of the ability to change something depends upon how a person looks at the subject of cause and effect. For example, many different causes can play into a particular effect. Obviously if a person experienced a lot of painful rejection, that is going to play into the way they process information in the future, and maybe even should, but what I am trying to focus on is how to process information in a way which is more productive.

So, if a person thinks, feels that other people are causing it or their autism is causing it, imo that is a limiting view, and I do see some people on WP enabling others by encouraging them to think in this way, which is too bad.

One thing I can share--and maybe this is not comprehensive, but from my own experience--if you are a weird or kind of strange person, as perceived by some others, and/or even by yourself, there is always another weird strange person out there for you, IF you try to find them. I know for a fact that there are plenty of said 'weirdos' floating around, especially in a city, but:-)--obviously they are not going to be completely like you. To expect that would be unrealistic. This said, I have had some fortunate experience in terms of being socialized as a child, as my mother went all out in this effort. She is long dead, but I suppose that in my heart I should feel gratitude to her for doing this. That is hard, as she did a lot of bad stuff, too. I think we are all dealing both internally and externally with these kinds of issues where it is difficult to sort certain stuff out.

In every applicable context or only in the singular context of childhood experiences?

Maybe the answer to the question you tried to frame is that rejection easily becomes a positive feedback loop, so we should keep trying fresh approaches and see if we can find one that works. I think that Tiny Tim and Emo Phillips proved that nearly anything can be popular if it does not take itself too seriously.

In any applicable context.


Thanks. I think it would be productive to talk about the subject of social rejection and autism from this angle (meaning both positive and also negative feedback loops). Here is a link I quickly chose, if people want to look at it first.

https://serc.carleton.edu/introgeo/models/loops.html

So, basically, anybody suffering with anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc, should just get over it because there are more worse things in the world.

These types of thinkers just annoy me.