Why do people ask, "How are you doing?"?

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NoMore
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08 Oct 2004, 11:47 pm

I still have trouble answering "How are you?" after 41 years! Anything but the truth just seems so phony. It's difficult to say "Good, and you?" when I am not "good"... but I try to remind myself that the person probably doesn't really want to know how I am anyway. Still... I'd rather just avoid the whole situation if possible.



UltimApe
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12 Oct 2004, 9:57 pm

I just say "hi" back at them. I haven't had a problem by doing that yet.

I will also sometimes give them a list of provocational quetions about why they would ask somethign like that, and what their intentions were with doing so. If they reply that they were just being polite, I'd say that it is rude to say something of no importance (and add a side note that it is essentially spaming the conversation with relitively useless jabber).

Of course I wouldn't say it in a hostile mannerism.



aspergian_mutant
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05 Nov 2004, 4:29 am

:cry:



Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 13 Nov 2004, 1:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

animallover
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05 Nov 2004, 1:56 pm

This is funny - there is a lady at my work who I think has AS but doesn't know it and the other day after my weekend she said 'How are you?' and I said 'Fine, but I think that I'm getting sick . . .' and she said 'Well, then you aren't fine, are you?! That was a silly thing to say . . .' :lol:
That reminded me so much of my own logic . . .

It was just funny . . . she has a lot of AS traits . . .



ilikedragons
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05 Nov 2004, 7:24 pm

I haven't got any idea why, but my classmates are always asking me what I'm sad about. I'm always telling them I'm fine. It's very annoying. A few times I've asked why, and they say it's because I look sad all the time. I'm confused, I know I look emotionless alot, but how are they confusing it with sadness?



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06 Nov 2004, 8:47 am

Quote:
I'm confused, I know I look emotionless alot, but how are they confusing it with sadness?


I get this, as well. My cousin explained it to me this past summer, though. Since I do not smile, people assume that I am having an unenjoyable time. I suppose this means that a lack of happy emotion implies lack of happiness, and people assume that a lack of happiness is the same as sadness (though it's not).



aspergian_mutant
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06 Nov 2004, 9:23 am

:cry:



Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 13 Nov 2004, 12:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

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06 Nov 2004, 10:34 am

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hold on to your heart girl, thats the way we are. we are aspie


I'm afraid I don't get your meaning, aspergian_mutant.



jmoney
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07 Nov 2004, 5:45 pm

I think it's because they want to talk to me, but since they know anything about me, they talk about how I appear to them.



asperoasis
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11 Nov 2004, 7:28 am

chamoisee wrote:
Why do they ask that when they do not want an honest reply, and get annoyed if you tell them honestly? It irritates me!! Nearly every time someone asks me this I hesitate because I have to stop and think about how I am doing and how to reply.

My first reaction is to tell them that I am having a crummy (or nice or okay) day and why, but most of them do not even stay around long enough to hear!

It has gotten to where I just shrug and smile, and maybe say, "Oh, okay", since they seem to want a short, succint answer. Then they stop and say, "Okay? OKAY? That's all? OKAY?! !!", which again prompts me to answer honestly and tell them that so far, the day sucks.

If it has been really bad, I will say, "I'm here." :shrug and smile: Meaning, I haven't died or commited suicide yet. My boss got mad at me for that: "Yuu're here, huh? Is it so bad to be at work, to have a job? etc etc". I didn't mean anything against the job, only that I was here, as in, *here*, in life.

I know that the expected reply is "I'm fine thank you, how are you?", but I just can't choke it out if I don't mean it, and when I ask someone how they are, I mean it. If I ask that, I am prepared to stand there and listen when they say that a truck fell on their head and their dogs died, etc etc....It would *bother* me if they said they were fine under those circumstances.

This is a very small ritual question, but it is so prevalent that it annoys me daily....
When people ask me how I am, I just say fine, alright, and okay, and do not go any further than that. I think people are just only acknowledging our presence anyway, not that they are really that interested in us, or they don't really want to know us better, I can't understand either because it is still confusing to me and I am almost forty years old, and still can't figure out certain social cues, gestures, and expressions.



synx13
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13 Nov 2004, 3:41 am

I got tired of trying to understand why people ask this question, and instead learned the joy of tormenting people who use it without considering.

"How are you?"
"Oh I'm green."
"What?"
"Green, can't you tell?"

or...
"How are you?"
"I asked you first."
"What? No you didn't."
"You must not have heard me."

or or...
"How are you?"
"Knock knock."
"...who's there?"
"Sam and Janet."
"Sam and Janet who?"
"Some enchanted evening, whee!"

:twisted: People don't ask "how are you" to me very often anymore.



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13 Nov 2004, 10:18 am

When someone asks me how I'm feeling, I say, "I Feel Fine." since that's one of my favriote songs.



echospectra
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28 Nov 2004, 8:41 pm

chamoisee wrote:
If it has been really bad, I will say, "I'm here." :shrug and smile: Meaning, I haven't died or commited suicide yet.


I used to say something similar when I was depressed/overwhelmed and the other people in the house had to go somewhere and leave me alone, and they asked, "Will you be okay?" To reassure them, I would then say, "Well, I never died yet."



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29 Nov 2004, 1:44 am

it confuses me when people say "howzit"

I mean what on earth are you supposed to say? "ok"? "good"? or "hello"

might just be me but saying those would sound kind of stupid.



Archmage
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29 Nov 2004, 4:23 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
it confuses me when people say "howzit"

I mean what on earth are you supposed to say? "ok"? "good"? or "hello"

might just be me but saying those would sound kind of stupid.


Is that what they say in New Zealand? We have our own version of that in America. "Wazzup!" 8) :P


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EGMaria2004
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30 Nov 2004, 1:24 am

It's anoying that people never say what they mean.
I don't get that so much.

But on AI failure* days I get "You look sad"
and they keep digging for why i'm sad
and if I say anything they'll take offense to it.
but if I don't answer they take offense to that too.

Really i'm not said i'm just worried that someone's going to come
and start a conversation with me and without my social AI i'll
do something dumb and offend them or i'll be too anxious and run away.

*this is pretty much caused by overload. See the other threads about overload.
~EG