Aspies, Rigid Thinking and Brain Development

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I think this does improve with time.

However, I still tend to think in this way. If I see someone do something that seems very rude or dishonest, I will not trust them. The context is relatively unimportant. If they bend the rules in one direction, chances are they will do it again.

I also have a hearty dislike for anyone (especially men) who is mean to animals, particularly if they are nonchalant and unthinking about it. I can see if a dog is trying to bite your ankle and you kick at it. But a man who kicks a sleeping cat or dog off the porch because it's in his way will get absolutely no trust or respect out of me.

The way I see it is that people tend to be consistent across the board. A guy who is rude to a waitress will be rude to his wife or girlfriend. A woman who slaps her baby in the store is probably even worse at home. And so on....

I do know what you mean, though, because my oldest son has some definite aspie traits, and he has said similar things to me. I point out that we all have faults, that yes, what I did was inappropriate or wrong, and that I'm not perfect. Then I point out that he has also done such things and isn't perfect either, that it is an ongoing struggle to be a decent person but we do the best we can and try better the next day.

Home un-making (as in making it worse) would be a more appropriate term IMHO

That's funny...I mean, that it hilarious! You ought to be on Def Comedy Jam and do stand-up. By the way, you can also use in your comedy routine that my mother was about as good a homemaker and "soft" as those Vikings in that Capital One commercial.....and I'm not that much better.






God I hope you were kidding.

Hmmmm... so you've seen my apartment...

I don't know if there is any truth to that statement, but it is known that boys and girls do learn differently and in the early years, their brains develop differently. In early years, female brains tend to develop more in the areas that process language and boys develop more in the areas that develop math and spacial relations. They eventually catch up to each other, but still, they are different.

There's some good info here on that topic: http://www.singlesexschools.org

There's also a book called "The War Against Boys" that is worth reading on this topic.

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That is true too, but if the boy has been given an offical diagnosis by a physician, it needs to be handled as such.



I also wonder if this person has a daughter near the same age. I know having a sister a year and a half older than I did cause some trouble between me and my parents. My sister went on a different path than I when it came to activities, and that caused alot of problems for us. They expected since we were a little less than a couple of years apart, how I developed would pretty much follow her but when it didn't, my parents assumed something was wrong with me and I caught alot of trouble because of it.

Boys and girls are different no question about it. Different does not mean one is inferior to the other. I dealt with that too, with my parents subtlely and sometimes blatantly sending me the message I was inferior to my sister because I wasn't like her.

All children say bad things about their parents at one time or another, that is normal. It is just something they hopefully grow out of.

*coughHappehisatrollcough*

CDRHOM,

Yes, I agree. You can end up reading all the way through and then realize it was someone else talking. So I'll have him choose his own screen name.

I posted my original question in the General Section because I was interested in learning and hearing the perspective of people who might have similar issues. (Notice how I avoided the labeling, here. I hate labeling people.)

Note to Bee Bee,
Thank you, Bee Bee, for those directions about how to do the quotes. It is quite simple, I see.

Scribe

Ladysmokeater,

That is very interesting to read your perspective, and helps me.

Tony Atwood wrote on his website that these kinds of children value “rules” more than they value (or perhaps understand) loyalty. But if a person values rules more than they value their connection to other people, it is a recipe for disaster or at least for divorce. But I think it’s even beyond valuing—In every atom of my body I know my mother is my mother and we are connected and even with our neighborhood friend—because of all of the interactions with her over the past three years we have known her—even the cells on my skin know this is a good person and any infraction that she might have done was quite human.


P.S. I wouldn't completely trust anyone who cheated on his/her spouse, either. After all, that person is on a daily basis lying to the people who are closest to him/her. So, I would say, your antenna is excellent here (or you are a good judge of character).
I described the info in the P.S. better, but I lost it when I tried to put another quote in this post--so it is not quite so simple, Bee Bee.

*grins*

Come for the one question, stay for the cameraderie. My comment reflected my hope that you will stick around and get comfortable. As the teenage years roll in, it is not going to get any easier; having a support group never hurts, and these are good people.

I pretty much trust anybody. Even those I'm not supposed to trust. Doh!

Thank you CDRhom, but I also understand that the regular forums are a special insider place for many of you, and as an outsider (parent) want to tread carefully.

Scribe

Our Parents Forum is just exactly that. A forum for Parents of Aspies. Although I suppose as we get more parents who are Aspies that bias will change.

[quote="Jetson"][/quote] Aspies and Auties, on the other hand, tend to experience more stress (due to our cognitive and social difficulties) and don't dissipate it very quickly through changes in task or thought pattern. Stimming provides both a physical outlet (ie: burning the adrenaline) and a mental focal point, but there are times when the stress accumulates too quickly. There is a point where the stress starts to feed on itself (the presence of excessive stress causes further stress) and the result is a meltdown. You can think of it as the mental equivalent of vomitting - it's an unstoppable response to an unmanageable situation during which we let all the stress out in one big purge. All you can really do with someone who's having a melt-down is try to keep them from hurting themselves (or others). It's better to avoid them in the first place.

Jetson,
It seems that stimming is a healthy outlet. I sometimes overeat, and that's not very healthy. I didn't realize that what my son likes to do when he gets home from school could be called "stimming." He likes to twirl around and make sounds. He used to do a lot of dramatic play when he was little, but I am not sure that this is the same. I just know that it is something he needs to do to burn off steam and it seems harmless.

He told me the other day when he hears certain words he goes into meltdown, and then he cried in the middle of a meltdown, "Why am I like this?" (I thought that was really healthy, actually, because it's the part of the personality which can step back and observe--and that is a healthy part to develop). We are going to do super sessions with the therapist this week, a two hour session for family and then in a few days another session just for him.
Scribe

Technical: I tried three times to get Jetson's quote in white. Maybe it will show up when it is posted.

I used to be very rigid.
I wish I could tell you what changed, but suffice to say I doubt that your son will be this way forever.

The Parents Forum can sometimes be very sad.

I will and do switch to the Parents' Forum, but (I mean this in a positive way) you guys crack me up. I love humor, quick wit, creative and original thinking which many of you have in spades.

Scribe

No, no, no!! !! I didn't mean to imply that you should not post here. Since it seems like you are new to forums in general, I was trying to explain that you can post on both/many/any/all of the boards that have topics that interest you, or that you may have some insight about.

*sighs*

Bear with me, this is difficult for me too.