Picking Up Social Situations Intuitively....

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The thing that makes acting so hard is that in order to pull it off convincingly you have imagine that you are feeling the role you are acting. To be a good actor you have to put yourself in the shoes of the character you are trying to portray.

All I know is that it's pretty hard to fake admiration for someone when deep down you feel nothing but contempt for them. It must require some sort of willful personality splitting that only a sociopath can muster. I don't think I'm emotionally wired to be a sycophant. When my emotions reach a certain threshold lose the power to suppress my true feelings.

My verbal IQ isn't that high but I have very superior non verbal IQ - visual spatial skills. I always thought I was good at 'reading' people and better than most NT's.

Another ability, besides putting on a convincing act, would be the ability to stand by passively while questionable acts were being carried out by an organisation, group, or individual. Where would most people draw the line? Who, for instance, would remain quiet to keep their job if they knew the outcome of not acting would cost many lives (e.g., if a food manufacturer were trying to cover up contaminated goods)? I guess, apart from sociopathy etc., this would be mostly covered by conformity psychology: how ordinary people are influenced by group pressure, and how it distorts their perceptions.

I had this experience of observing many unsafe food hygiene practices and at one time potentially life threatening. I never let it go. I went on about it even if it made the other person cry.

This is exactly how I am too. I have spent years being on stage- (mostly dancing, but acting as well...either dance acting, or with a text). In real life though, I just can´t seem to act. It´s like I´m just hopelessly "me", wherever I go. Being a theater person, and having been complimented on my acting ability before, I know I have the skills though.

I just recently quit a job because I disagreed with how the director treated the students at the school- (psychologically manipulating them and putting them down). I was also unhappy with the disrespectful way she was treating me. I tried to talk to her about it in person (not that I really wanted to, I dislike intense confrontational situations). She never had the time of day for me, so I finally wrote her a letter, stating exactly what I thought was wrong about how she handles people, as well as my resignation. There are still other teachers there at that school, and I´m surprised that they can put up with it. I hear that they disagree with it inside, try to be accommodating to the director, nothing gets mentioned, etc. I just don´t seem to be cut out to do those things. I guess this is partly how I disrupt the status quo.

Can you explain to me exactly what they really mean when they use the term "team player" in regards to a job? I just want to be sure I´m understanding it right. When I took the Aspie quiz recently, I automatically thought of team sports- which I don´t really like anyway, so I put "no". (For instance, does "team player" mean not disrupting the pecking order?)

Oh, by the way, did you know that Vincent Van Gogh was probably an Aspie? When I was younger, I really related to him, and noticed that he had many of the same experiences and misunderstandings with people that I had. He was my special interest for awhile. (I know I´ve mentioned that on other posts, sorry if it´s a repeat for anyone).

For anyone who´s interested, I´m reading a book right now called "that´s not what I meant", by Deborah Tannen. I mention it because it kind of relates to this thread. It´s about indirect methods of conversation, and the implied meaning of words- (as opposed to the literal, direct meaning). She also mentions the pecking order (social status), as well as other social constructs. I find it really interesting. I think it´s a good book for Aspies who have trouble "reading between the lines". It´s sort of like an extension of Greentea´s thread about what NTs do with conversation.

WOW! I must get that book.

You can have a look at the Employment forum, there are several mentions of this as a reason for firing. When they say "you're not a team player" they mean you don't play by the social rules of phoniness, PO, etc.

Anyway, Morgana, at your age it's natural and expected that you be a bit of a rebel, or more precisely a bit non-conformist. It's at my age, late forties, and with a terrible economic crisis on top of it, that I must be extremely careful of each word I say.

i love this place..

i always wondered how come my social "relations" could be such a paradox, i cant relate to people, but i know them immediately. i always told people "i CAN judge someone by their looks", not necesarily by looks, but i do get a feel of people, and its usually quite on the spot. i dont need to sit down and chat w them to get an idea of what theyre like :]
ive tested it, im usually quite correct :]

You can have a look at the Employment forum, there are several mentions of this as a reason for firing. When they say "you're not a team player" they mean you don't play by the social rules of phoniness, PO, etc.

Ever heard of fake it, til you make it.

Er...um...I actually am in my late 40s. I just don´t usually say it because I like to remain anonymous, at least for now.

But it is quite clear to me, based on all I´ve read on Wrong Planet, that my job is different socially than most; it is definitely an unconventional atmosphere. As I work in theater, the people there are quirky, "different", tend to say what they mean more often than regular people- (at least I think they do). Liane Holiday Willie mentioned in her book that she found theater people much easier and accepting of Aspies than most other people...I would definitely agree with her there! (I definitely have more trouble with non-theater people). As I work in a freelance teaching situation, I don´t have to be particularly social anyway- aside from saying "hi" pleasantly each day, when I meet people in passing. I mostly just interact with students- (this I can do, in the framework of a dance teaching situation. The interaction is about the work). Also, the professional structure in these schools is definitely far more democratic than in a usual situation. If I seem quite innocent of what a real corporate situation is like, I am!! ! Don´t think I could survive one minute in one, either.

Now, back when I was a dancer myself, I was able to do my part professionally, rehearse with the other dancers, dance with them onstage- but, generally, I was the social outcast. Either they overtly ousted me and bullied me, or they tolerated me respectfully, but didn´t include me in their social plans. Well, occasionally there were exceptions. Things got much better when I moved to a foreign country. That´s why I´m here!

Yes, I had much less of a problem when I was a teacher and when I was a member of a theater group. But as you say, it's not that I didn't have a problem at all. I had the same social problem of not fitting in, but I wasn't so carefully scrutinized for respect of the PO and being exactly like everyone else.

Sorry about the confusion with your age. I don't know where that came from. I guess you're in your twenties except in your ID card

I think it´s pretty hard to guess people´s age in cyberspace. (You´re not the only one who thought I was younger). I even have trouble figuring out who´s a man or a woman...I see someone´s avatar, or just come to some conclusion based on a post they wrote, and then it turns out I was wrong. But in a way, I kind of like the anonymity.

On Wrong Planet, I think I show my innocence and general cluelessness by asking all the questions I don´t dare ask in life; that´s part of its purpose, for me. In real life, I put on more of act and don´t ask these questions. In real life, some people have said that I come across as being quite mature (mentally), probably because I tend to analyze things objectively. (Though people say I look young )

Anyway, I´m glad you think of me as a rebel and a non-conformist

Indeed, your asking questions made me think you were in your twenties (after that age people stop asking questions, usually).

Is that because they know the answers, or they just want to appear as if they know the answers?