am i autistic or just weird?!

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blackcat,

You are QUITE a character! You are the epitome of the type of case I have been aluding to. Someone that seems intelligent, etc... but acts practically oblivious to others, etc... Does your doctor even know you can talk? And you CAN walk forwards ok, right? Do you just walk backwards because you like it better, find it a bit easier, or to freak others out?

BTW I say this just because I am curious. I mean no ill will, etc...

Steve

yes, she knows i can talk. she commented that i was a strange and starers at me often laughing at my accidental jokes. yes, i can walk fowards. as 4 reasons to the walking backwards, all of the above.

I do the spinning thing, too. It's just a complex tic, as far as I can tell. It seems to respond to my moods. Think of it along the lines of someone who gets "happy feet" whenever music comes on. On a more philosophical note, my mind truly cannot comprehend why it would be less logical to walk backwards than forwards if it has never caused me any trouble to do so.

is being quite a charter good? my friends call me priceless. one says i should be a never remove from box(what ever that is)oh, is there a word 4 the crying fits of unexpplained anger followed by numbness(or rawness-i cant explain-) or izzit what i called it?

"Happy Feet"?! i wanna c that movie so bad!! !

If he realizes that it's wrong to dissect members of his own species, yeah, kinda.

MELTDOWN! Hehehe. It's nothing. Sit tight, and wait for it to pass.

Blackcat,

Being quite a character was meant in the best way! You sound like a nice person. I swear, its a shame everyone on this board can't just meet one another, especially since some of the things are SO hard to imagine. I'm sure she meant never remove from the box as kind of a way of being funny.

I don't know about the crying fits of unexplained anger, but that reminded me of yet ANOTHER part of my life. It only happened a few times a year to a couple a month, and only happened up until like 10 years, but I would suddenly have this feeling like I ABSOLUTELY had to do something, like it would cripple my life if I didn't do it, and it left me with a kind of depressed feeling. I FELT like crying. Of course, I sometimes have a similar feeling when stuck in some senseless task with waiting, and NOTHING productive to do.

Griff,

A tic is different from a "stim" in that it is involuntary. Stims are almost like inherent habits. They just feel good or relaxing, and are kind of automatic. A LOT of kids do that kind of thing, and can stop, but may not know they are doing it, and not WANT to stop. Eventually, most "outgrow" it. Apparantly, autistics often don't. A tic may not be so enjoyable, but can't be avoided. That spinning sounds like an AWFULLY complex tic! You REALLY can't stop?

BTW most peoples heads turn only about 90%, and the gait isn't made to do that efficiently, so walking backwards is often not that easy. But HEY, I'm happy to do things like that myself. Of course, I don't USUALLY walk backwards. Last week I probably walked about 25 feet backwards(I was talking to someone I met going where I was, and spoke face to face) and, outside of some PE time where I ran backwards, hat might have been the longest stretch I have gone. That is ANOTHER reason I am learning hindi. I think the next contract I am at I may use IT to freak some out.

Steve

I'm both, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Well, "stim" is what I meant by that, actually. I just wasn't recalling the word, and the term "complex tic" seemed to come close enough. As for walking backwards, believe me, it's really quite easy, for some easier than walking normally due to the higher mental focus.

meltdown u say griff? oh, i can stop spinning ,steve,im having a rocking issue today, ive been doing ith sense 6:48am (my time)its 4:29pm now... im scared i may never stop...and i REALLY dont need any extra attention at skool 2morrow...cockney rebel, im liking your way of thinking! oh,steve, we should all meet up. that'd be cool. should she(my mom) yell about me not acting my age?she says i act like a 5 year old(my friends act 7&8...around me any way. they're up 4 anything i wanna do(like sword fighting with sticks, thats awesome, and ninja battles!! !)except mercy, they wont play that any more cause i "cheet"( in very flexible and "double jointed"-no such thing actually- in my shoulders. i can pull them from their sockets and pop them back in no problem. ive actually let ppl take turns doing this(this year after i hadnt done it since 3rd)and 1 grl FREAKED OUT!! ! ... s'funny though!

Yeah. Those states of anger followed by a feeling of emotional exhaustion. I think they calm down some as you mature. They're only dangerous if you take them too seriously.

OH to be a kid again! 5years old? I don't imagine that is too bad for someone with AS!

I still remember what that was like for me. That was almost 39 YEARS ago!! ! My mother still seemed somewhat sane, even if she WAS too neurotic, and didn't agree with my VERY clean AFTER I finish a project, but a bit clutered during policy! I had a friend that was like a father(I called him an uncle) to me. He was into mechanics, a little electricity, and a general do it yourselfer. The story GOES at least that he built a cabin we lived in for a while. I did puzzles all the time while I wasn't working with wood, or studying, or working with electronics. I was somewhat happy, and under the adult induced illusion that kids would "grow out of" their issues. I also had a good primarily protien diet, and had no worries about time.

TODAY? I think my mother might be getting alzheimers, and she is STILL neurotic. I no longer clean up after every project, etc... because it has been DRUMED OUT OF ME! The friend died about 32 years ago. 8-( I don't do puzzles anymore(I want to get back into that). I moved from electronics/woodworking to computers, and did less outside studying(I am getting back into that). I was depressed until recently when I worked to get rid of the depression once and for all. No thanks to my doctor that perscribed something dangerous! I now KNOW that, although some bullying WAS peer pressure and is now OVER WITH, they NEVER grow out of it! It merely changes form for most. My diet now has FAR too many carbs due to a lack of control. 8-( Oh yeah, I am middle aged, so time currently seems shorter.

I was even befriended by at least 2 middle age men. Maybe they were both like I am now, and saw a little of themselves in me. They were just REAL friends that happened to be older. One was into mechanics, etc.... He taught me how to use a lathe, showed me his screw works(He made special screws and parts for places like NASA, etc...), and helped me with wood, electricity, etc.... I still remember the huge machines that were probably 6 feet or higher, and had perhaps 6 operations they could do. They COULD be fancy parts, maybe having an angle, knurls, tapping, flaring, hollow, or solid. Metal rod went into one side, and a few seconds later the parts came out the other side. The other person just spoke to me about computers. I just got an apple II+, and he had an atari. It was interesting seeing the different methods, and interfaces. The Apple II+ at the time, for example, had ONE processor, and WOZ set it up so the video generator actually refreshed the memory, and the sound was a simple clicking system based on accessing one address. The Atari had THREE processors. It had a 6502 for the main management, one for the video which had sprites(a new concept), and one for the sound. Surprisingly, the Apple won out, though the Apple WAS a cleaner and cheaper design.

Today, they may both have avoided such interaction because it would have been suspect. That is SAD! I could have lost out on a lot of fun and learning because of POLITICAL GARBAGE!

ENJOY your life as it is now! The next 5 years may appear to FLY by!

Steve

I still have to read the last two pages of this thread, but don't have time at the moment - I'm mainly posting now so it'll show up in my 'threads I've posted on' list so I remember to read the rest of it.

Also wanted to say, I learned to read very early, also am bothered by noises (people eating in the same room as me: eurrrgghhh! ), have tended to get random crying in the past, although less now (although I still get randomly very stressed), also rock when stressed, although can stop if I concentrate. If you can't stop, don't worry about it. It's a coping mechanism and will ultimately help you feel better. (The way I see it is, if anyone is rude enough to complain about something so harmless to them, then they're the one with a problem.) I'm not sure if this has been adressed yet, but if not, you need to talk to your mum about aspergers/autism. I found explaining it all to my mum confused her at first (she even said 'you can't be autistic, you're too intelligent!') but in the long run it helped her to understand me better.

Oh, and appreciate that you have friends. A lot of us find it hard to make and keep friends, and it sounds like you're doing really well in that aspect.

It was nice to read a thread (well, part of a thread) by someone who sounds in many ways similar to myself.

Louise,

I don't know about the UK, but the US changed the definition of autism in 1996! They removed the requirement for a low IQ! It USED to require that the IQ be below 70.

Some of my GOOD habits, etc... have been obliterated by my family, society, etc.... I wish they weren't. 8-( Maybe ONE DAY people will accept such things. I almost wish I was a psychiatrist, psycologist, or educator JUST so I could have some input into the system. I NEVER liked the way kids were treated.

BTW how could ANYONE think you have to go to college to be an expert? Such a belief is MORONIC circular reasoning, because the first teachers in college did NOT go to college! ALSO, the first experts in any techology did NOT learn about it in college! So what MAGIC makes the current situation any different?

ALSO, a number of inventions started in the imagination of KIDS, and some were even finished by people with little schooling.

With all that, one wonders why they treat all kids like they're idiots!

Even peter lynch in his book "one up on wall street" gives credit for one of his biggest successes to what?

1. His education?
2. His studies in marketing?
3. His stock market research?
4. Insiders info?
5. None of the above, just his dumb luck?
6. He had NOTHING to do with it?

Would you believe the answer is #6!? He credits his wifes chance observation, and she thought it was just a good idea! She thought lEGGS was a good concept and a good impulse buy! What if he had just sad "Honey, you just DON'T know what you are talking about!"?

Steve

ok steve, i will. glad to here it louise and i am very grateful 4 my friends. but i've never really MADE friends. 4 some reason people just find how quiet i am facinating. my v.b.f. just plopped her self down in front of me in the lunch room in thie 8th grade, motined 4 me to take my fingers outta my ears and started talking, paying ABSOLUTLY no attention to the fact that i wasnt making any signal that i could hear her.(ive had ppl scream at me in the past"iz u deeeeeeeeeaaaaf?!*to which i replied, rubbing my ears,"if i was then that would have made what you just did very stupid, wouldnt't it?") she says i talked kinda funny back then.that i held words over and still do when im upset sometimes, i dont hear it..."you new?" me:*mumble*her:"huh?"me:yeees, i am neeew"her:aaah. so whats your name? me:*grumble*her:im sorry, i cant here u...me:ste-fa-neee"her:oh, well hi steph, im erin!me:he-loooo. this went on 4 a week days until i both reconized her face and responded without being forced. then id freak out and not know what to do when she was absent. i dont panic any more, but i still dunno what to do with my self...

Another autie thing. Routines. Any break in routine's going to screw with ya. If anything, I think you're a textbook example of autism. Just keep dealing with it intelligently as you have, and you're better off than most typical folk, I think.