Severe PTSD, not Asperger's

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The Rorshach is questionable but typically good for trauma (and not much else). But, used in conjunction with two other projective tests and the MMPI, it ought to be accurate. The studies I read say that even some of these tests used alone are good indicators of trauma. When they are all consistent and consistent with the MMPI, there has to be something---maybe? I do have some memories of incidents that would count as abuse, physical and sexual, but they were not extreme.

My reactions after hearing the results were extreme. I don't know if this indicates the tests picked something up that was real, or if I just have a huge imagination. I have literally been either dazed or crying for the past 12 hours, and I wonder if everything if my reaction is just imaginative because I don't remember anything that could cause either results like this or my reaction.

If you have disassociated enough to not even remember it properly, that doesn't mean it didn't happen or it wasn't that bad. That means you mind disassociated, and then probably repressed it in order to give you the best chance it could. Your past girlfriends have probably triggered you subconsciously, and hearing the results of that report probably triggered you subconsciously, even though you have consciously repressed the majority of it and the memories. I don't think that it makes the report inaccurate or invalid at all - quite the opposite.

Sometimes when something is triggered, your mind has to attempt to deal with the enormity of it when it has been repressed for so long, and it can cause extreme reactions until it manages to repress it again. That is why in therapy they do things very slowly, step by step, rather than undump everything all at once. Otherwise you can't work through and process it.

Most people in your position get rid of their partner at the point the emotional connection becomes to close that it reminds them of it. If it were to go any further, it would be reminding them of it and likely to trigger, so that is their way out.

I know it's probably not much help to you - but you're not the only one who does this. I have seen this pattern quite a few times from people in similar situations, some who are on this website. They struggle with pretty much the same thing that you do, to some extent or the other. When you read their posts, anyone trained in psychology can see what's happening.

The worst things could have happened so early your mind wasn't developed enough to have a strong memory. Combine that with the effect of blocking it out subconsciously, it's easily possible that you don't remember the worst at all.

As for not that unusual, horrible though sexual abuse is at any age, I would imagine a combination of sexual abuse and violent beatings experienced as a young child would have a fairly severe impact in the emotional and social development of a child.

Perhaps an adult or even a teenager has more tools at their disposal than a young child. In a child, the damage would be a lot more pervasive than when inflicted on a person with a fully developed personality.

If the sexual abuse was supposedly "sadistic," and at a young age, could this do it? The person who did it was supposedly a Dissociative Identity Disorder victim of Satanic Ritual Abuse -- back when that was a fad. Could be the lines between "victim" and "participant" were blurred.

So it could have been actual abuse there. And possible memory transference that made it worse? Is there any scientific evidence of memory transference from someone who has Dissociative Identity Disorder to a suggestive young child? BPD is just a milder version of DID, as far as I know.

Case in point:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do6owMR1hSY[/youtube]

This guy is really great, he's got a lot of informative and helpful videos about dealing with all sorts of things from self-harm to anxiety to BPD.

Yes, this makes a lot of sense. Definitely girlfriends do trigger, a lot. That's why I have often though I wanted to date another borderline -- hopefully she would be more sensitive to and aware of things like triggers. Some girls seem almost deliberately insensitive to my triggers.

And I agree -- the steps to avoid rejection ex ante are definitely common. I imagine they could be common in Asperger's even without co-morbids. Do you know anything about DBT?

I mostly used to do CBT at work, although I have done DBT in the past with BPD and bipolar clients. It also seems to be just as effective, if not more effective, at treating clients with PTSD, BDD, eating disorders or disordered eating so I often used it or a mixture of it and CBT for them too.

Those who do it seriously over the long term almost always find it pretty effective. I have had some clients, one in particular who was abused and autistic, with severe PTSD, especially preferred the DBT. It's much more focused on mindfulness and meditation than CBT, which was something she enjoyed though. I'm not sure if you would like it though.

At the end of the wiki article is a few books, which you might want pick one out and get from the library and see if you think it will be useful for you or not.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectica ... or_therapy

Thank you, Kjas. What should I do in the short-term? Do you think I will go back to normal and be able to focus by next week. I was very stupid and scheduled this appointment right before final exams, and I had to get them moved to next week because I have not been able to focus for two days. My trauma seemed to be normal, just a little thing similar to what many others experience, but hearing the results of my tests destroyed me. Sorry if I sound histrionic, but really, nothing like this has ever happened to me, and I can sometimes barely move and just stare out into space. I am kind of scared...My therapist said to talk to her over the weekend, but I am afraid this will just be further triggering.

What would you recommend for the short term?

I can't say whether you will be ok for exams next week. It depends.

In the short term - any self soothing behaviours may help you at least relax, and perhaps will allow you to relax enough to focus. Self soothing behaviours are different for each person though - whatever activities you use to relax, de-stress and distract yourself that work especially well, can be used.

For example: I tend to completely stress out enough to have panic attacks and go completely mute before public speeches. If I use my favourite music as a self soothing device, and pace, I can keep myself together enough to actually do the speech.

I'm not sure what yours are but they may help.