Is it possible not to care what other people think?

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Noetic
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19 Apr 2014, 12:53 am

dianthus wrote:
I think when people say they don't care what others think, what they usually mean is they don't care what sort of opinion others have of them in general. But the reality is, when it comes to specific situations, if you have an employer, if you get pulled over on the highway by a cop, if you are negotiating a business deal, if you have to go to court for any reason, etc. you HAVE to consider what other people think of you, because it's in your own best interest, it would be stupid not to.

Indeed. That level of caring what others think is healthy and allows you to be left alone.

What isn't healthy is worrying about what everyone thinks about your looks, your person etc in the "social anxiety" sense, where it basically becomes a crippling burden.



loner1984
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19 Apr 2014, 8:52 pm

You would be surprised how hard it is to care when you get to a certain point in you're life.

I have no clue what people think of me, which is also why I easily get unpopular online, because I say what I think. I'm not here to make friends or make people like me.

It's like when people have a boss, they suck up too and are afraid to say their opinion. I don't care what your title is it life, boss. Police officer whatever, I speak freely.

Can that get you fired and into trouble yes.

Again its hard to care about what other people think. But again not exactly normal so .

May I take a guess that you are young and or female ?. Because that would explain it. Females care more about such stuff I believe as well as younger people. I remember when I was young and tried to please everyone not fun times.



Last edited by loner1984 on 19 Apr 2014, 9:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

League_Girl
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19 Apr 2014, 8:58 pm

loner1984 wrote:
You would be surprised how hard it is to care when you get to a certain point in you're life.

I have no clue what people think of me, which is also why I easily get unpopular online, because I say what I think. I'm not here to make friends or make people like me.

It's like when people have a boss, they suck up too and are afraid to say their opinion. I don't care what your title is it life, boss. Police officer whatever, I speak freely.

Can that get you fired and into trouble yes.

Again its hard to care about what other people think. But again not exactly normal so .



It's still hard for you to care what they think even if it affects you?


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19 Apr 2014, 10:16 pm

I personally don't think so; because we depend on others so much, we NEED to be aware at least a little bit of how others think of us to ensure our survival in this world. I know I am way more concerned with what others think of me than I should be sometimes.


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TheDoctor82
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19 Apr 2014, 10:25 pm

here's how I learned to stop caring:

tell yourself that no matter what you do or say, everyone's gonna hate you. It may not be true, but just tell yourself that.

Now, if no matter what you say or do, people hate you for it....why in the hell should you even care? :wink:



Marybird
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19 Apr 2014, 11:56 pm

I think it's possible to not care.
I can't say that I care, or don't care, but I am just rather detached from what other people think.



mr_bigmouth_502
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20 Apr 2014, 12:27 am

skibum wrote:
I find it very hard to not care at all what others think. I care at least a little. Every now and then I don't but that is not very often.


Same here. I would love to quit caring and just do my own thing, but in my case that's simply not possible. I'd have to become a full-blown sociopath in order to stop caring about other people and what they think. Of course, my definition of caring about what other people think is quite concrete and literal. For instance, I care enough about what my dad thinks to know that it's not a good idea for me to bust open his liquor cabinet and start chugging his expensive scotch, for instance.



Last edited by mr_bigmouth_502 on 20 Apr 2014, 12:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

TheDoctor82
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20 Apr 2014, 12:33 am

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
skibum wrote:
I find it very hard to not care at all what others think. I care at least a little. Every now and then I don't but that is not very often.


Same here. I would love to quit caring and just do my own thing, but in my case that's simply not possible. I'd have to become a full-blown sociopath in order to stop caring about other people and what they think.


No, sociopaths intentionally feed on that, and also don't care about the end result.

I never said don't care if you hurt other people; I totally do. But the thing is I care about other people because I genuinely do care about their well-being, not just for the off-chance they might like me.



mr_bigmouth_502
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20 Apr 2014, 12:34 am

TheDoctor82 wrote:
mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
skibum wrote:
I find it very hard to not care at all what others think. I care at least a little. Every now and then I don't but that is not very often.


Same here. I would love to quit caring and just do my own thing, but in my case that's simply not possible. I'd have to become a full-blown sociopath in order to stop caring about other people and what they think.


No, sociopaths intentionally feed on that, and also don't care about the end result.

I never said don't care if you hurt other people; I totally do. But the thing is I care about other people because I genuinely do care about their well-being, not just for the off-chance they might like me.


Ah, but if a person were to truly not care about what other people think, then surely they wouldn't care about hurting those people, that's what I think. I care enough that I actively avoid doing things that hurt other people, and so do most other civilized people, even the ones who claim not to care about what others think. Don't forget, my definition of "not caring about what other people think" is quite literal.



Last edited by mr_bigmouth_502 on 20 Apr 2014, 12:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

TheDoctor82
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20 Apr 2014, 12:35 am

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
TheDoctor82 wrote:
mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
skibum wrote:
I find it very hard to not care at all what others think. I care at least a little. Every now and then I don't but that is not very often.


Same here. I would love to quit caring and just do my own thing, but in my case that's simply not possible. I'd have to become a full-blown sociopath in order to stop caring about other people and what they think.


No, sociopaths intentionally feed on that, and also don't care about the end result.

I never said don't care if you hurt other people; I totally do. But the thing is I care about other people because I genuinely do care about their well-being, not just for the off-chance they might like me.


Ah, but if a person were to truly not care about what other people think, then surely they wouldn't care about hurting those people, that's what I think. I care enough that I actively avoid doing things that hurt other people.


well THAT I understand. I don't think you explained it that way.



mr_bigmouth_502
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20 Apr 2014, 12:37 am

TheDoctor82 wrote:
mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
TheDoctor82 wrote:
mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
skibum wrote:
I find it very hard to not care at all what others think. I care at least a little. Every now and then I don't but that is not very often.


Same here. I would love to quit caring and just do my own thing, but in my case that's simply not possible. I'd have to become a full-blown sociopath in order to stop caring about other people and what they think.


No, sociopaths intentionally feed on that, and also don't care about the end result.

I never said don't care if you hurt other people; I totally do. But the thing is I care about other people because I genuinely do care about their well-being, not just for the off-chance they might like me.


Ah, but if a person were to truly not care about what other people think, then surely they wouldn't care about hurting those people, that's what I think. I care enough that I actively avoid doing things that hurt other people.


well THAT I understand. I don't think you explained it that way.


I was going to clarify it, but you responded before I finished editing my post. :P It's alright though.



TheDoctor82
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20 Apr 2014, 12:38 am

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
TheDoctor82 wrote:
mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
TheDoctor82 wrote:
mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
skibum wrote:
I find it very hard to not care at all what others think. I care at least a little. Every now and then I don't but that is not very often.


Same here. I would love to quit caring and just do my own thing, but in my case that's simply not possible. I'd have to become a full-blown sociopath in order to stop caring about other people and what they think.


No, sociopaths intentionally feed on that, and also don't care about the end result.

I never said don't care if you hurt other people; I totally do. But the thing is I care about other people because I genuinely do care about their well-being, not just for the off-chance they might like me.


Ah, but if a person were to truly not care about what other people think, then surely they wouldn't care about hurting those people, that's what I think. I care enough that I actively avoid doing things that hurt other people.


well THAT I understand. I don't think you explained it that way.


I was going to clarify it, but you responded before I finished editing my post. :P It's alright though.


sorry, I guess I'm just too used to hearing a specific argument from our community at this point ;)



mr_bigmouth_502
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20 Apr 2014, 3:09 am

In a way I'm actually kind of glad I care about other people and what they think, because if I didn't then I would be a horrible shell of a human being. It's a painful thing to live with and put up with, and I often wish I could shed it, but I know it would be wrong to.



TheDoctor82
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20 Apr 2014, 3:24 am

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
In a way I'm actually kind of glad I care about other people and what they think, because if I didn't then I would be a horrible shell of a human being. It's a painful thing to live with and put up with, and I often wish I could shed it, but I know it would be wrong to.



I don' know about that; I aim to do good not because I'm looking for people to love me over it, but because I believe in what I'm doing.

I can certainly hope they'll like me, but I don't really lose sleep over it if they don't.

Case in point: very recently, my room-mate recently stopped into a well-known retailer in our parts to talk to the former best friend of my now ex-girlfriend; he asked what her schedule was because he probably wanted to come back in and chat or something (whenever he was in town during his work schedule, he liked going there, anyway).

Well, lo and behold, the day she told him that she was there...my ex stopped in. The girl got really mad, and defriended he, I, and everyone who she thought might've been associated with my ex on Facebook.

My room-mate went back in shortly thereafter, and apologized for the misunderstanding; he doesn't talk to my ex (so she wouldn't have gotten the girl's schedule from him, anyway; he wouldn't have given it to her, even if he did), and he honestly had no idea she'd just happen to show up that day.

She was totally ok with it, and even gave him her phone number to keep in touch.

So I tried refriending her on FB....and she deleted my friend request.

Take note: I did nothing to her, whatsoever. I tried to offer support to she and her boyfriend ,and even asked her for some advice once in a blue moon.

For whatever reason, she removed me, and that was that. And then....she re-added my ex's best friend. So...yea, I think I have an idea of how all this went down.

I, shortly before this, told my room-mate the following: "Now, after work I stopped at **** to see if they had anything good; as I was leaving I passed by (her), and just greeted her. No, I didn't ask if she was gonna refriend me or anything. I decided not to bother. I'm not gonna chase after her. If she wants to be friends, we can be friends; same reason I haven't actively pursued our co-worker **** after he never re-added me. I will say she did seem considerably mentally preoccupied with something."

I tried re-adding her once more, just for the hell of it, shortly before I saw she re-added my ex's best friend, then I just deleted my request, and left it at that.

I tried to do good, and for reasons that were out of my control, it was rejected.

I can't help what she thinks of me, especially considering I had nothing to do with whatever happened.

I think it's massively unfortunate that it happened, but it's not like we were close anyway; I do hope whatever she's dealing with now, it works out in her favor, and she's happy in whatever she does.

And that's all I can do.



IntellectualCat
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20 Apr 2014, 12:35 pm

ZombieBrideXD wrote:
i really dont care if someone is thinking badly of me or do not like me. i only care when they deliberately try to hurt my feelings.


That is also true for me.



PaulHubert
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20 Apr 2014, 12:47 pm

I don't know if not caring is possible in someone without full-blown autism or a mental illness, I think people strive to care less as they get older. I heard that aspies generally crave acceptance, and being borderline NT emotionally, combined with my own experiences, I will always care at a subconscious level, and will require a life long effort to not care as much, I don't believe anyone can completely erase a subconscious schema they developed during childhood.