ToughDiamond wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
there have been a few times when I suspected a girl was into me, didn't act due to fear of explosive rejection and then later found out she wasn't into to me after all. There's that benefit. Does the benefit outweigh the cost? Certainly not. Would the rejection have been "explosive"? Not necessarily (that was just the way I imagined it).
It sounds just like me in my youth. I think I felt guilty about having romantic feelings, certainly embarrassed about them, and that made it worse.
Me, embarrassed? Sure. Sometimes I feel like that's my prime motive. I quite my job and now I'm trying to break into a different field chiefly because my old job was too embarrassing (only embarrassing when I told people about it in too much detail but still...) Sure I want companionship but there are also times when being the only single person in the room gets embarrassing as well. And yet I pretend everything is fine. I pretend I have no desire for female companionship because being "needy" would be a further embarrassment. I've tried bringing it up in the past but got shamed twice over, once for being single and twice for complaining about it. After that I got in the habit of pretending I like being single.
ToughDiamond wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
I've heard people say you should befriend a girl before entering into a relationship with them and I've heard people say you shouldn't. Maybe it's a matter of time. If you spend years being friends with them it could be a bad thing. Think of your long time friends of the opposite sex. Now imagine yourself in a relationship with one of them. Does it seem kind of weird? Probably. Because you've spent to many years being friends with them.
I agree it's all about time.....even "sex first" relationships would have some kind of introductory phase first. I also agree that if the friendship thing goes on for years without turning into a relationship, it might well get typecast like that. I think if it stops deepening that can happen.
If it's not growing, that's a sign that there isn't enough there for it to become a relationship. It also depends on what bonds the two people have with others. A young person might have a number of people as buddies and potential partners, or their friendship with you might be unusual and therefore special. All that can be found out with a few simple questions.
Eh, I usually blame myself. If I would have made a move on my female friends years ago instead of being shy. And now not one of them is still single.
ToughDiamond wrote:
If a male and a female start making small talk, I think prior attachments are usually declared pretty quickly, e.g. "my boyfriend and I really like that place."
Some girls do that on first meeting. It's sort of obvious they're doing it on purpose but I don't blame them since it makes things a lot easier. Then again, I've known girls who went for months before mentioning that they had a boyfriend so that means when I meet a girl who doesn't mention having a boyfriend I think "does that mean she's single or does that mean she's one of those girls who doesn't know the trick of mentioning her boyfriend as a sign she's not single
In my software testing course they call it "The Pesticide Paradox". They say if an exterminator sees a bug he'll know immediately the house is infested but if he doesn't see a bug that doesn't prove the house has no bugs.
ToughDiamond wrote:
Desire for a relationship isn't usually so readily declared, but if both people are getting on well, they might start talking about relationships in general, and exchange the info that way without any drama. People seem to sound each other out in ways like that.
Yeah, maybe I should try that.
At least I'd feel less crappy if I got rejected by a girl who was single. I'd feel like less of a homewrecker that way.
Girls keep on glancing at me on the train, at first I thought it meant they were into me but they never look happy to see me.
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The days are long, but the years are short
27 Nov 2014, 3:48 pm
