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"How People With Autism Fake It"

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Sweetleaf
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06 Oct 2015, 2:44 am

BirdInFlight wrote:
Sweetleaf, I think it may be that it's the older generations of us that have felt the pressure to fake NT in order to get by in a world where we were given to understand that our real selves would meet with failure at every level. I'm talking about those of use who grew up in the 1950s, 60s and even the 70s. There was no diagnosis except for severely affected autistics -- everyone else was told to shut up, grow up, "what the hell is wrong with you?" "Get a job and knuckle under" etc etc. We were "weird" but didn't know why and we forced ourselves to conform because we didn't know any better.

It then becomes a lifetime habit of feeling faking is a "must".

I would LOVE to just refuse to interact with anyone who seems like they need me to be "normal" -- but I have to make a living. It's a tough world out there and if I have to hand pick only people who would accept me as I really am, I wouldn't be making enough money to pay my rent and feed myself.

I can either act completely myself, let it all hang out, feel stress free from not having to fake NT.....and also wind up homeless, literally. (I have no family. It's either me who keeps a business going or nobody feeds me.)

OR....I can fake NT and keep clients feeling comfortable about me being in their homes alone with a set of keys and alarm codes.

I'd love to be educating people that's it's okay to hire me in all my quirky glory, but the change in their understanding is not going to come fast enough for me to not live out the rest of my life being shunned and unable to find work if I'm REALLY being myself.

Yes, faking NT is stressful and harmful and I'm not condoning it, I wish I didn't have to do it. But not doing it means the world will stop letting me operate in it enough to even live independently, and I don't have anyone who will just take me on and pay my way in life.

Sweetleaf wrote:
I don't bother going out of my way to interact with people who make me feel like I have to fake that I'm 'normal', if I have to interact with such a person I make it as short and impersonal as possible. Maybe they think I am rude, but I think a person who makes me feel like that is rude.

I know growing up I was upset by getting picked on and ostracism but I didn't think I had to fake anything I just wished people could give me a chance and accept some of my 'differences' instead of using it as a reason to single me out for bullying and ostracism. Of course I wasn't 100% innocent of ever being a jerk myself and its possible some autistic traits may have got people thinking I was ignoring them but still I don't think it justified my experience.

But yeah sounds like faking causes tons and tons and tons of stress and I don't want to be in a perpetual state of anxiety, I already have PTSD so yeah I don't have time or energy to put on a big act for people....I spend some energy at least trying to be pleasant if things are bothering me and not go on about it to someone unless they really want to know but faking neurotypical....no thanks.


I was not diagnosed as a child so I was expected to function just as well as other people in all contexts...also its not like I can just refuse to interact with anyone who wants me to be normal, but they'll be disappointed so I don't go out of my way to surround myself with those people. Currently I am not working but yeah there are a lot of jobs I probably couldn't handle even if I do manage to become functional enough for some jobs due to how I get on with 'normal' people. I do know plenty of people neurotypical and otherwise who have managed to find jobs and get by without perfectly conforming to society.

Also why do you have to act full on NT to have a job and not go homeless? I didn't know it was expected that only neurotypicals do things in the world...I can see toning down oddness a bit if need be, but why then go as far as trying to act like a 'neurotypical'? For one I don't even know how they act specifically, they vary quite a lot...and even if it has to do with how it was when you grew up I doubt you'd be kicked to the curb out of long-time employment if someone comes to suspect you're not 'neurotypical'...at this point.


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Apple_in_my_Eye
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06 Oct 2015, 5:24 am

It's already been covered, but yeah, how do you not fake it and not end up living in a cardboard box in an alley? And, besides employers, you have to look at least somewhat normal to landlords, doctors (especially in the ER), the police, nosy neighbors bent on causing trouble, etc.

I tried to maximally fake it in my 20's and was a pile rubble by 30. The stress was ridiculous and I lost a lot of skills, including a big chunk of being able to read and write, which added to the fun list of problems that no one would believe.

I have a semi-fancy education, but it's not useable. After neuropsychological testing I was diagnosed with "cognitive disorder," supposedly organic, but who knows. (Yet more reason for more research on adults.) It's been 15 years and I still can't read anything more than page long and understand it.

And there was the exhaustion, depression and dissociation, of course. Speaking faster than I could think made everything I said feel like a lie.
And, there's no way to explain that you tend say things that aren't what you really think.

Getting drunk occasionally was the only relief. It's weird, now, like I can't remember who I used to be. Like I used to be someone else.

Ending up on SSDI allowed me to get out (had a physical condition that was finally diagnosed correctly, after 10 years). I don't know where I'd be without it, and if I ever have to go back I will leave this planet for good. There is nothing on the Earth that could make it worth doing that again.

A far as the strong silent type, maybe somewhat, but IME if you're not loud and boisterous you become bully-bait. Not being aggressive is basically not acceptable.