09 Jan 2021, 5:50 pm
09 Jan 2021, 6:08 pm
Mountain Goat wrote:
I can't blame you. They really are not trying if they are quoting divorce and expecting the autistic person to change. Change has to come both ways and the autistic person has a harder time to change so it has to be the allistic person who needs to compensate the most in this regards to make it work.
If their marriages are not working they have themselves to blame because they knew the character of the person they were marrying before they got married. If they did not then can only blame their own stupidity!
I do realize that marriages are not easy and they need attention and need to be worked on to survive.
A marriage between an NT and an autistic person can work extremely well because both parties can (And should) support each other to cover each others weaknesses, and exploit each others strengths. A marriage where both parties are the same with the same characteristics of character don't often work so well because they are too similar.
I totally agree that to have a support group for NT's who have autistic husbands needs to concentrate on making marriages work. It is for support so one can cope through the tough times. The group is obviously failing if there is constant talk about divorce. They need to meet for solutions.
If their marriages are not working they have themselves to blame because they knew the character of the person they were marrying before they got married. If they did not then can only blame their own stupidity!
I do realize that marriages are not easy and they need attention and need to be worked on to survive.
A marriage between an NT and an autistic person can work extremely well because both parties can (And should) support each other to cover each others weaknesses, and exploit each others strengths. A marriage where both parties are the same with the same characteristics of character don't often work so well because they are too similar.
I totally agree that to have a support group for NT's who have autistic husbands needs to concentrate on making marriages work. It is for support so one can cope through the tough times. The group is obviously failing if there is constant talk about divorce. They need to meet for solutions.
... ... ...
One of the reasons i refused to work with dissolutions of marriage (in the legal profession) at a time that half of all marriage would end in divorce was:
1) my fear of dealing with people who find themselves in their emotional peak; and
2) my fear of becoming cynical and/or pessimistic about love.
Interestingly, the statistics for neuro-diverse marriages are not optimistic with 80% of them ending in divorce...
Initially, i felt guilty that i generalised said group because of a few bad apples...But if they have no moderator...And they are allowed to use foul language against me...When i was only trying to instill HOPE in them...In fact, they continued to spread their hatred towards me via FB messenger...So i have tangible proof of their mob-like characteristics...
Furthermore, studies show divorce is contagious, so the farther from those sites, the better for my marriage...Anyway, i am safe again, here among friends like you Mountain Goat...Thank you...
09 Jan 2021, 6:18 pm
Mountain Goat wrote:
Do you think in dots?
... ... ...
Not at all...I do not think in dots...I think in illustrations...comparisons or analogies...contrasts as well...
09 Jan 2021, 6:24 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
Do you think in dots?
... ... ...
Not at all...I do not think in dots...I think in illustrations...comparisons or analogies...contrasts as well...
Post Script: I am a global thinker...Which basically means that i can excell in any subject area academically...This makes me a great problem-solver...
Also, my strong intuition allows me to see behavioral patterns in people...This is not necessarily beneficial to me...
09 Jan 2021, 6:34 pm
09 Jan 2021, 7:00 pm
Mountain Goat wrote:
I am glad I did not marry back when I nearly married. I have had a bit of an issue trusting women since but it has been over a decade and a half since then.
I am a good observer as I have spent a lifetime watching things, and one thing I have noticed is that marriages where the couple involved do not believe in a creator do not always work and this is because they do not have to take their vows before God seriously. They do it for the glitsy side of the marriage, so in their mind they think "If things don't work out I will get a devorce".
This is quite different to the concept when one makes vows and believes in God because one has a duty to do all one can to make it work.
I have seen Christian dating sites where a lady who already has children makes it clear that her first devotion is to her children. Now I am not saying that one should neglect ones children. But if one is a Christian ones first devotion to be to ones husband and then the children.
Men and women before God do have different roles to play in a marriage and equality does not come into this. (Both are equal before God BUT God has given a different law to the man to follow compared to the woman).
Husbands are ordered to love their wives in the same way that God loves His church. Wives are ordered to obay their husbands.
Both have different roles to play. The man is the head of the household because he is responsible for the family before God. The woman is not responsible before God so her role is to be submissive.
The problem today is that we are trying to bring in equality into a marriage which does not work because ones responsibilities before God are very different. This is one of the causes of why many marriages break down because they do not have Gods blessings on them when they are not prepared to follow His rules.
I want all people to be happy. I would rather go without myself and have everyone else happy then have myself happy and others go without. Maybe that is why I am not married yet?
I am a good observer as I have spent a lifetime watching things, and one thing I have noticed is that marriages where the couple involved do not believe in a creator do not always work and this is because they do not have to take their vows before God seriously. They do it for the glitsy side of the marriage, so in their mind they think "If things don't work out I will get a devorce".
This is quite different to the concept when one makes vows and believes in God because one has a duty to do all one can to make it work.
I have seen Christian dating sites where a lady who already has children makes it clear that her first devotion is to her children. Now I am not saying that one should neglect ones children. But if one is a Christian ones first devotion to be to ones husband and then the children.
Men and women before God do have different roles to play in a marriage and equality does not come into this. (Both are equal before God BUT God has given a different law to the man to follow compared to the woman).
Husbands are ordered to love their wives in the same way that God loves His church. Wives are ordered to obay their husbands.
Both have different roles to play. The man is the head of the household because he is responsible for the family before God. The woman is not responsible before God so her role is to be submissive.
The problem today is that we are trying to bring in equality into a marriage which does not work because ones responsibilities before God are very different. This is one of the causes of why many marriages break down because they do not have Gods blessings on them when they are not prepared to follow His rules.
I want all people to be happy. I would rather go without myself and have everyone else happy then have myself happy and others go without. Maybe that is why I am not married yet?
... ... ...
You are right on point, my friend...And very knowledgeable about the different roles assigned to both parties to a marriage...I am like you in that i see marriage as an opportunity to contribute to someone's happiness not to take away their happiness...If at any given moment, my beloved (Aspie) husband no longer wants to be with me, i will respect his decision...For now, i am grateful for each day he remains by my side...And happy...
Post Script: You are a good man and God will bless you for this...
09 Jan 2021, 7:05 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
I am glad I did not marry back when I nearly married. I have had a bit of an issue trusting women since but it has been over a decade and a half since then.
I am a good observer as I have spent a lifetime watching things, and one thing I have noticed is that marriages where the couple involved do not believe in a creator do not always work and this is because they do not have to take their vows before God seriously. They do it for the glitsy side of the marriage, so in their mind they think "If things don't work out I will get a devorce".
This is quite different to the concept when one makes vows and believes in God because one has a duty to do all one can to make it work.
I have seen Christian dating sites where a lady who already has children makes it clear that her first devotion is to her children. Now I am not saying that one should neglect ones children. But if one is a Christian ones first devotion to be to ones husband and then the children.
Men and women before God do have different roles to play in a marriage and equality does not come into this. (Both are equal before God BUT God has given a different law to the man to follow compared to the woman).
Husbands are ordered to love their wives in the same way that God loves His church. Wives are ordered to obay their husbands.
Both have different roles to play. The man is the head of the household because he is responsible for the family before God. The woman is not responsible before God so her role is to be submissive.
The problem today is that we are trying to bring in equality into a marriage which does not work because ones responsibilities before God are very different. This is one of the causes of why many marriages break down because they do not have Gods blessings on them when they are not prepared to follow His rules.
I want all people to be happy. I would rather go without myself and have everyone else happy then have myself happy and others go without. Maybe that is why I am not married yet?
I am a good observer as I have spent a lifetime watching things, and one thing I have noticed is that marriages where the couple involved do not believe in a creator do not always work and this is because they do not have to take their vows before God seriously. They do it for the glitsy side of the marriage, so in their mind they think "If things don't work out I will get a devorce".
This is quite different to the concept when one makes vows and believes in God because one has a duty to do all one can to make it work.
I have seen Christian dating sites where a lady who already has children makes it clear that her first devotion is to her children. Now I am not saying that one should neglect ones children. But if one is a Christian ones first devotion to be to ones husband and then the children.
Men and women before God do have different roles to play in a marriage and equality does not come into this. (Both are equal before God BUT God has given a different law to the man to follow compared to the woman).
Husbands are ordered to love their wives in the same way that God loves His church. Wives are ordered to obay their husbands.
Both have different roles to play. The man is the head of the household because he is responsible for the family before God. The woman is not responsible before God so her role is to be submissive.
The problem today is that we are trying to bring in equality into a marriage which does not work because ones responsibilities before God are very different. This is one of the causes of why many marriages break down because they do not have Gods blessings on them when they are not prepared to follow His rules.
I want all people to be happy. I would rather go without myself and have everyone else happy then have myself happy and others go without. Maybe that is why I am not married yet?
... ... ...
You are right on point, my friend...And very knowledgeable about the different roles assigned to both parties to a marriage...I am like you in that i see marriage as an opportunity to contribute to someone's happiness not to take away their happiness...If at any given moment, my beloved (Aspie) husband no longer wants to be with me, i will respect his decision...For now, i am grateful for each day he remains by my side...And happy...
I can't see him ever not wanting you, and if he does he will not be thinking straight, and he will need you even more!
09 Jan 2021, 7:16 pm
09 Jan 2021, 8:28 pm
Mountain Goat wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
I am glad I did not marry back when I nearly married. I have had a bit of an issue trusting women since but it has been over a decade and a half since then.
I am a good observer as I have spent a lifetime watching things, and one thing I have noticed is that marriages where the couple involved do not believe in a creator do not always work and this is because they do not have to take their vows before God seriously. They do it for the glitsy side of the marriage, so in their mind they think "If things don't work out I will get a devorce".
This is quite different to the concept when one makes vows and believes in God because one has a duty to do all one can to make it work.
I have seen Christian dating sites where a lady who already has children makes it clear that her first devotion is to her children. Now I am not saying that one should neglect ones children. But if one is a Christian ones first devotion to be to ones husband and then the children.
Men and women before God do have different roles to play in a marriage and equality does not come into this. (Both are equal before God BUT God has given a different law to the man to follow compared to the woman).
Husbands are ordered to love their wives in the same way that God loves His church. Wives are ordered to obay their husbands.
Both have different roles to play. The man is the head of the household because he is responsible for the family before God. The woman is not responsible before God so her role is to be submissive.
The problem today is that we are trying to bring in equality into a marriage which does not work because ones responsibilities before God are very different. This is one of the causes of why many marriages break down because they do not have Gods blessings on them when they are not prepared to follow His rules.
I want all people to be happy. I would rather go without myself and have everyone else happy then have myself happy and others go without. Maybe that is why I am not married yet?
I am a good observer as I have spent a lifetime watching things, and one thing I have noticed is that marriages where the couple involved do not believe in a creator do not always work and this is because they do not have to take their vows before God seriously. They do it for the glitsy side of the marriage, so in their mind they think "If things don't work out I will get a devorce".
This is quite different to the concept when one makes vows and believes in God because one has a duty to do all one can to make it work.
I have seen Christian dating sites where a lady who already has children makes it clear that her first devotion is to her children. Now I am not saying that one should neglect ones children. But if one is a Christian ones first devotion to be to ones husband and then the children.
Men and women before God do have different roles to play in a marriage and equality does not come into this. (Both are equal before God BUT God has given a different law to the man to follow compared to the woman).
Husbands are ordered to love their wives in the same way that God loves His church. Wives are ordered to obay their husbands.
Both have different roles to play. The man is the head of the household because he is responsible for the family before God. The woman is not responsible before God so her role is to be submissive.
The problem today is that we are trying to bring in equality into a marriage which does not work because ones responsibilities before God are very different. This is one of the causes of why many marriages break down because they do not have Gods blessings on them when they are not prepared to follow His rules.
I want all people to be happy. I would rather go without myself and have everyone else happy then have myself happy and others go without. Maybe that is why I am not married yet?
... ... ...
You are right on point, my friend...And very knowledgeable about the different roles assigned to both parties to a marriage...I am like you in that i see marriage as an opportunity to contribute to someone's happiness not to take away their happiness...If at any given moment, my beloved (Aspie) husband no longer wants to be with me, i will respect his decision...For now, i am grateful for each day he remains by my side...And happy...
I can't see him ever not wanting you, and if he does he will not be thinking straight, and he will need you even more!
... ... ...
Thank you for the reassurance...Single or married, we all have to make the best of it and learn to be content...Good night, my friend...
CockneyRebel
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 118,184
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
09 Jan 2021, 8:32 pm
09 Jan 2021, 9:18 pm
I was shocked in amazement that my use of dots is a sign of old age...LOL... 
For the record, i am 25 years young times two 
10 Jan 2021, 3:10 am
10 Jan 2021, 3:12 am
CockneyRebel wrote:
I'm thankful to be your friend and I'm thankful that you found WP. WP is a room that brightens up every time you walk in.
... ... ...
You are sweet
10 Jan 2021, 3:43 am
A sweet pea, I believe 
10 Jan 2021, 4:45 am
MrsPeel wrote:
A sweet pea, I believe
... ... ...
Sweet pea, indeed...
10 Jan 2021, 6:14 am
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