differences between boys and girls with autism

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Question for you two: are the men on the Love and Dating singles list and on aspie affection also unintelligent and desperate? Or just the females?

You know, I imagine there are men out there are quite capable of being genuinely interested in discussions with the women they love and be interested in sex as well.
Relationships are supposed to be about understanding and providing for the needs of each other. You can't have it one way all the time; any such relationship is going to fail. This counts for both sexes.

I don't like seeing needless fear of the worst case scenarios being injected into such a issue.


Now, back to the article. The differences noted are understandable since there are fewer AS girls, however I feel the article does minimize the difficulties of boys.

I second that.

Warning: Rant Ahead

Yeah, because Aspie women/girls get so much attention - no one ever focuses on the Aspie guys...

Sometimes I get really sick of how the guys on this forum b***h and complain about how the women here have it so much better. What a bunch of bull. Men are allowed to act like teenagers at pretty much any age and most people just find it endearing. Women over college age, on the other hand are seen as social pariahs if they don't magically morph into mature social sophisticates or motherly types by a certain age. I watched as the female friends I had growing up changed into mommies while I still felt like a 12 year old boy, that's when I really knew something wasn't "normal" about me.

Everything I've been able to find about Asperger's has focused on males. It's like finding the holy grail to actually read something that talks about females with AS and how it affects them

If you ask me, it's about damn time someone started to focus on us.

Last edited by Spot17 on 08 Aug 2007, 10:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Okay, I am NOT looking for a date or a boy friend, but I simply wanted to post a reply to say, yes I am an aspie and yes I am single. I have been (happily) for five years. Before that I hung out with one guy off and on for a couple years but nothing significant came of it, and I had "relations" with another guy very briefly that ended abruptly (thank goodness, he was a loser!).
Enough said.

That was not what I meant. I'm just stating that the article minimizes those difficulties for boys a bit too much IMO. I know well enough that girls have their own unique problems. I'm not saying that they have it easier, but I don't like it going off the other way with giving the impression that the guys have it easy. They don't either.

To be honest, I didn't think you meant that. I just felt like ranting and this thread is where it happened to come out.

Oh, ok. Well cheers then.

I agree 100% with you, maybe even 200%! !!

Men in general have it easier because society is more focused on men as it is. A man with AS traits is seen as love-shy and cute, the strong silent type, that motherly women fall for and there are plenty motherly women out there. I know because many of the male AS peopleI know are married and have kids.

A woman with AS will never be seen as the strong silent type (that is not feminine) and no motherly type of man (the few that exists) will be prepared to have kids and care for them for us.

In other words a woman because of the physiology or our bodies (made to have babies and care for them) and because society places us in a lower step than it does with men, have it worst off. Yes, guys I know you have it bad, but if you were women you would have it worst off. That is a simple fact.

Society is tolerant of soft, silent, withdrawn men, but NOT for strong, tomboyinsh, male-brained, women. A sigle woman in her 40s or above is seen as a woman no one wants to marry, while a single man of the same age is seen as someone who chose to enjoy freedom and bechelorhood.

The way a male-brain woman is seen is either as a b***h, or a female with balls (very hurtfull), or a dyke (even if she not a lesbian), or a bossy woman, or a witch, or whatever other highly disciminating and diminishing word.

A man with a male-brain is seen as workacholic, ambitious, strong-willed, arrogant (which for men is a positive thing because it means one is cool), etc. In other words the image of a man seems to always come down to positive words.

Why is that? Why girls have to choose to trasform into a protective, nurishing, mother or wife, and embrace their feminity, or become a working business woman that means they have to renounce their feminity and become a 'male' to be successful, while men can be all (father, husband, businessman) without having to denounce their masculinity?

Why is a woman only a proper woman when she embraces the role of a mother, wife, or daughter who cares for her parents? But if she wants to use her male-brain and is ambitious, strong-willed, a fighter, etc. is seen as sort of monster that has lost its gender?

A man is man no matter how he acts how he behaves what he does. If he is a good father it is seen as positive thing while if a woman is a good businessman and ambitious it seen as a bad thing.

Is that fair? Nope! Society is not fair to women and even LESS fair to AS women. We are always dealt the worst hand no matter what.

Star

A little femininity always hurts. It actually physically hurts me to be more femiminine than I can handle. It makes my bones, muscles and genitals ache. If a person looks at me from a distance, they think I'm a man, and I take that as a compliment.

I don't know what society the Netherlands is like, but as one of those strong, silent, introverted guys, I am hardly ever respected for being that way. It's the loud-mouthed, show-offs who get the respect regardless if they're actually productive or not.

i think women with AS should have there own diagnostic category since they feel so left out. i mean really, want a special place here yah go

it all evens out in the end if you ask me, so if you feel left out your probably just wasing your energy.

My personal opinion is that Aspie girls have it much easier in the dating world than Aspie guys, for several reasons. For one, often the shy bookworm type is very attractive to guys. For another, because of societal norms, guys are the ones that are supposed to "make the move" - and thereby need to know when/how to do so, and this is where Aspie males get hung up. Oftentimes the girl just has to say yes to the advance.

I think you have a very valid point there.

What are the differences between male and female Aspies, that don't involve the dating/romantic world? I have never seen that discussed on here.

BTW, I have been in two relationships in the past. So the belief that female Aspies can get dates easier than their male Aspie counterparts is nothing more than a false generalization.

And in the romantic world, also keep in mind that not everyone with AS has it to the same extent. There are some of us that have severe AS. And there are others, like me, that are borderline AS/NT. A female with severe AS might have more difficulty finding a date than an male who is borderline AS/NT.

Tim

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 09 Aug 2007, 2:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hmmm so there's 2 possibilities :
-All Doctors in all countries are so idiots in stats
or
-90% of girls here are not really aspies/autistics , they are rather self-misdiagnosed.