Autistic Spectrum People and Being Touched

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When I made this topic, I had no idea so many of you would post---I so appreciate it. It has helped me understand myself on this issue.

Padium wondered how I could stand the surgery. For my wisdom teeth I went in the hospital and they put me to sleep. I dreaded it terribly. The only thing I did for about a week before the date was to draw and study roller coasters. I also dreaded my back surgery terribly back in 2004, just days before my 40th birthday. To ease my mind, just before driving into the parking lot of the hospital, my wife drove me to a music store where I got to try out a large Allen brand theatre organ. As mosez responded, you stay cool. I stayed cool by thinking about positive things/daydreams. Wow mosez---your accident had to hurt---
glad you stayed cool about that.

I was a lot like MizLiz in that I allowed being hugged by family when a child because it was what was suppose to be. I am glad you stood up for yourself when you got older. And vulcanpastor is one of those opposite of me---I like the light touch and hate the firm touch. Morgana is the same way as me in liking light touches. I also find it interesting that Morgana doesn't like being brushed up against by other people. That is like me and buryuntime. t0---very interesting in that you like the collisons of contact sports. I would be freaking out. But you are one of the ones who prefers the firmer touch and dislikes the light touch.

Again, this has been very interesting so far. Thanks.

Last edited by glider18 on 17 Jan 2009, 6:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My mother LOVED kissing and hugging, and INSISTED on kissing and hugging me! When I say I hate it, she tries to run a guilt trip. Anyway, I DO hate it. I even hate shaking hands, though that is all but required for white collar jobs. I DON'T offer to shake hands and, when someone offers, I shake hands and then, surreptitiously clean my hands. Don't get me wrong though, that is not the only thing I hate about it. I simply know that few are as clean as I am, and MOST are appaling. I don't want to catch a cold from such a stupid act that I hate anyway! I tend to rub my eyes and nose a lot, so germs have a good chance of spreading that way.

One idiot, at the airport, went OUT OF HIS WAY to touch me on the shoulder and, though it was on my shirt,etc... I STILL hated it. If only I had been a few more inches away, he might have lost his balance and fallen. Had that happened, I would simply have gone elsewhere. While he was standing, he kept following me! I will NEVER know why he wanted SO MUCH to touch me.

BTW WHY do we shake hands now ANYWAY? Words, money, machinery, chemicals, illnesses, and poisons are used in war! Many moslems, that like things like knives/swords, are PROBABLY left handed, since it is easier to write arabic if you are left handed. So CLEARLY, the idea of shaking hands does NOT have the protective ability it once did, and can be used as a WEAPON!

I say all that because the most popular belief is that knights used to lift their visors to make sure the other was not a friend, and THAT is where the western salute comes from. The sword was generally in the RIGHT hand(since most european langauges are best written with the RIGHT hand), and shaking with the RIGHT hand would put your opponent in a weaker position, so it was supposedly a way of saying that you have declared a truce or are just not declaring any hostilities. Such actions are now pretty meaningless.

Still, I almost HAVE to shake hands. To avoid it would make me a pariah and be an insult. Since I don't want to be TOTALLY isolated, and want to keep my job, I can't even act like monk(A TV character with OCD that shakes hands, and then uses a wipe right after).

I encourage everyone to read the post by 2ukenkerl---talk about interesting. I never knew that about the Moslems and knights. That was very fascinating.

What a coincidence that when I was reading your post I was watching Monk---and you mentioned Monk in your not liking hand shakes. I don't particularly like hand shakes either.

Thank you for this great post.

My touch issues are not as severe as a lot of those on the spectrum, in that I don't find touch to be painful. However, I don't like being touched unless I initiate it. I actually enjoy hugs, but, once again, I feel really awkward if I am not the one who initiates the hug. I do find the types of touch that are associated with a medical examination to be very unpleasant... but in a creepy way.

It is interesting that people have been mentioning hyposensitivities to pain. I never thought about this one, but it would make sense. Growing up, I would routinely set my own broken bones and once cut a fist-sized cyst off of my own body. I never really understood why others thought this sort of thing was such a big deal. Perhaps these types of injuries 'hurt' them more than they do me.

That's good that you (Kaysea) don't find the touch issues as severe as a lot of us on the autistic spectrum do. I have been doing a lot of thinking about the issues of perceiving the unpleasant touches as painful. For me, I would say more of a mental pain---however, when I take my showers I find the water beating against me as physically painful. And the water temperature that others consider to be cold might actually feel physically hot to me. Anyone else have this problem with showers and/or bathing water? Like you, I feel more comfortable if I initiate a hug---but I don't like tight hugs.

Interesting to note in your post that you find the touch associated with a medical exam as "creepy." After thinking about that, I would say that I agree with that.

I personally don't mind light touch. Sometimes a teacher will put their hand on my back while they talk (It's calming for me) or they will lightly touch my arm when they aproach. I guess it just lets me know they're there and it is relaxing. I'll be sitting in my chair and stimming, and as soon as the teacher touches my back or arm i stop. It's a good thing, I suppose.

I am happy you (Aspienoid) have an understanding teacher. And you are like me in that you like light touch. Yes, I find it calming too. But I still like to be the one that wants the touching rather than it being a surprise. Your teacher is wonderful in using the light touch to calm you.

I have several stims:
thumb popping---since 1978 after my previous stim of hair twirling was damaging my hair
hand rubbing---the skin stays worn off all the time on two fingers (been that way for years and years)
running the tips of my fingers across my face and neck (looks strange to the public---but feels good after I scratch the tickle)
rocking---not big rocking motions, but obvious all the same

I find that a light touch irritates my skin, gives me a 'creepy crawly' feeling, and if continued becomes painful after a short time. I much prefer a firm touch.
Also I always startle and flinch, and my stomach lurches if I am touched by surprise, and a lot stimulus shocks to the point of pain (for instance a splash of cold water can be excruciating, although the feeling quickly dissipates).

Well, I can't speak for the others, but it doesn't really HURT me. Although, in such cases, I can feel pressure in that area for quite a while. For some reason, I just never liked it. It is REALLY hard to explain. From SOME females, I actually liked it. I AM male, after all. From MOST, even females, I just don't like it. I have my own space that *I* never stray from, and I try to make sure others don't stray into. From time to time, people will stray in, and I will back up or just go someplace else. Some IDIOTS here try to say that waitresses should touch, and sit near, customers to get bigger tips. With ME, I will FORGET about the tip. I USUALLY pay a high tip, but NOT with that kind of garbage.

As for medical examinations, I haven't had a digital examination(An examination often done to males that is probably about as embarassing/uncomfortable to males, as a pap smear must be to females.) in close to 30 years. I ask for a PSA test(a simple blood test that is about similar in ability and goal) instead. The medical community STILL says that males should have a digital exam regularly. BTW by uncomfortable, I don't mean physically. With WOMEN the papsmear probably isn't that bad physically either. It is a type of mental discomfort that is like the discomfort from touching. After saying all that, I wonder if ANY males here have DREs now!

WOW, I wouldn't cut a fist sized cyst off simply because of the bleeding that could result, etc... I HAVE amazed some people though. I have, though I HATE having my head in warm air, washed things in VERY hot water that may have been close to 90 degrees centigrade(100 is the boiling pont of water), and people seemed shocked. It really IS funny! I HATE cold water, but actually ENJOY the -2C(no windchill) -9C(windchill) weather outside now! I HATE hot air, but LOVE hot showers. I can't even wear my glasses near the shower, because they will fog up IMMEDIATELY. When I clean objects in hot water, my hands get like RED. I once walked several blocks with about 6 other people. THEY had long sleeve shirts, jackets, etc..., and thought I was just trying to act like some strong guy. OH YEAH, there was snow on the ground, and it was under 0C!

A light touch irritates you (pandd) whereas a firm touch makes me itch. I can admit that the light touches often make me have to scratch afterwards thus resulting in irritation. The creepy crawly thing you mention I kind of like---if I am expecting it. I don't like surprises. And yes---a splash of cold water is torture for me---absolute physical torture. Thank you for this insight.

Well 2ukenkerl, you have some interesting contrasts in your tolerances with showers and the air outside. That is a very interesting detailed post. Thank you for posting it.

I don't have any problems in the touch department.

For me, it doesn't matter whether it is a light or firm touch. I am uncomfortable with other people touching me at all. I think that unfamiliarity is the root cause of this dislike, or maybe even abuse,I'm not really positive. I am sure it is something that can be learned though, just like anything else.

I am right in the middle of CERT (community emergency response team) training. It is a citizen-based first responder to disasters (we've got a big earthquake scheduled, y'know). So much of the victim assessment/treatment involves the laying on of hands. I am wondering, do the touch-averse have any suggestions to help the rescuers make the experience less awful? We are instructed to ask permission first of everyone who is conscious and I make sure to use a light, but firm pressure to avoid my own issues with "creepy spider touch", but I am eager for others' input. Thanks!

I would lash out at people as a kid if they touched me by accident. Now as an adult I just avoid people what so ever. I love the feel of my baby lizard walking on me, but cringe at a person's touch.

I don't like a light touch, poking, or pinching.