Greentea hosts: mysterious tree-lover...ACACIA!! !

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and, if i may say so, indeed! as i had hoped:

v c d reel grean tee, regally


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botanical mysterie: acacia crops gree tea


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.iii

Acacia, you look so much like I imagined you ! !! !

I totally second millie's post: you really have to try and start your career in Botany asap. Feeling fulfilled will generate other achievements too.

I apologize for my delay in resuming the interview, I first kept waiting for your reply not realizing you had replied already, and then I had to shake a ton of depressive clouds that had come over me.

Please choose one of the following questions (you may choose more or all if you wish):

1. What's the hardest part of having AS for you?
2. Is the end of your relationship with your wife due to your AS? I mean, would it have succeeded if you weren't an Aspie?
3. Are you working on any issues to improve your life? If so, which?
4. Why do vegetarians believe that eating plants is less violent than eating animals?

Greentea, good to hear from you again. No worries. I'm glad you're apparently out from under those clouds. And I'm on my way to that career. Always thinking about that.

Inconsistencies and misinterpretation of emotion, verbal communication and body language. Of course, these things shape all human interactions... from ordering a pizza to a complex romantic relationship. Makes it very difficult to be around people. And that makes it hard to get along in life.

Yes it is due to AS. It might have succeeded if not for AS. Would've lasted longer, anyway. She and I do have some fundamental personality differences that probably would have caused our relationship to eventually fizzle out. But my having AS has thrown enormous rifts between us and created many really horrible problems that make us miserable every day. Furthermore, realizing that I have AS has cast considerable doubt on the prospect of ever having a romantic relationship again. I can see myself developing friendships through my special interests, but I can't see how I could commit to another person when there is a guarantee of a lack emotional reciprocity on my part. It wouldn't be fair to that person, and it would only cause pain for both of us.

Yes. Currently, my ex and I are in the process of separating, and trying to work out the details of our respective living situations. Money, child care, responsibilities, and so on. That alone will improve both of our lives dramatically in terms of our sanity. It will have adverse effects on both of our finances. But we both strongly agree that we'd rather be alone, poor and happy than together, comfortable and insanely despondent.
That is the most pressing issue I am working on currently. It seems to absorb most of my time and energy. Eventually, after all the dust settles, I can get to work on the rest of me.

My understanding is that the difference has to do with the fact that animals have a central nervous system. Basically, they have thoughts and feelings that are at least vaguely similar to ours, and can therefore experience pain. Plants do not. So vegetarianism arises out of a general concern for the well-being of all creatures with brains. I personally am not vegetarian, although I do have a genuine concern for all life-forms. I would never wish undue pain and suffering on anything.

I think plants have a consciousness, but it is, you know... vegetable consciousness. Plants respond to their environment in predictable ways that are genetically determined. They have no emotional states. I like to ascribe human qualities to plants, but that's all in my imagination. And I may seem to care more about plants than I do about most animals and even many people. But that's because plants are my special interest.

I prefer to eat plants. They're healthy.

Great questions.
Keep 'em coming.

Very interesting answers...

Some more to choose from (you may answer more than one, or all if you wish):
1. What do you mean by "emotional reciprocity"?
2. I remember you once said on a thread that you hate drama. What do you mean by that?
3. What's your favorite food and WHY?
4. I hear what you say about not being good at romantic relationships. Let's assume for a moment, for the sake of answering this question only, that you agree with me that whoever we are, whatever we are like, we can find someone compatible who'd be very happy with us. Assuming that, what would be the personality and values of the person who'd be happy with you of all partners (in light of your now greater experience)?

Well, let's take a look at the definition for "Reciprocal", which is the root word here:
"Of an action, feeling, etc, done, felt, etc, by each of two people to, on or towards the other."

This illustrates a number of problems regarding "emotional reciprocity" between partners when one of them has AS.
- feelings or sensations that I may feel but my partner may not.
- feelings or sensations that my partner may feel but I may not.
- thoughts/actions/feelings that are misinterpreted by either me or my partner.
- not being able to perceive or understand the emotional state of my partner.

You get the idea. Basically, I take this term to mean something like: a consistent demonstration of a state of mutual emotional understanding. Empathy.
And you know how people with AS generally do with empathy...

Don't make waves. Seriously. I don't like it when people get upset, or argue, or fight. I really cannot stand inflamed emotions... perhaps because I don't know how to deal with them. I tend to shut down when I am around people who are upset or consumed by drama. So I avoid this kind of stuff at all costs. I seek out quiet and calm wherever I can.

The problem is... people get upset. It's part of life. My inability to deal with it has caused me a host of interpersonal problems and sabotaged my relationships.

My favorite food is varations on a theme: the burrito. Vegetables/meat (or not)/beans/cheese/hot spices all wrapped in a flour tortilla. I get creative as to what exactly goes into the burrito, and in what proportions. But the basic idea is the same. Let me also emphasize the importance of the hot-spicy component. I must have hot peppers and other hot/spicy things in there.

WHY? I'm not sure about why the burrito is my favorite. My best guess is that the culinary preferences of my parents (who both grew up in Southern California, and occasionally liked to cook Mexican food) had something to do with it. The hot/spicy thing is a sensory peculiarity I have.

That's a hard one. But here goes... She would have to be low-maintenance, and not emotionally needy. She would have to be very self-reliant and self-assured. She would have to be willing to accomodate all the planning and organizational issues raised by executive dysfunction. She would have to share at least some of my interests. She would have to be an incredibly patient, calm, grounded person. She would generally share my ethical, political, and spiritual beliefs... which are, in that order: selflessness, liberalism, and non-dualism. She would be a practical life-partner; someone I actually want to live with, and who also actually wants to live with me. Yet she would also be capable of passion and proper expression of her emotions.

I guess that's it.
My answer to question #4 could go on for awhile, but I'll stop now, lest I get lost in the details.
Very good questions.
You are a skilled interviewer

Acacia - we even share a penchant for chilli. i have extra hot chilli sauce on everything except my porridge. i buy a few bottles at a time and know which brands are the hottest and which are too lightweight.
i am glad Greentea asked about food preferences as it is amazing how many of us are ritualised and routines around food textures, flavours and eating utensils.

Dear Greentea,

i have gotten interested in a couple of things, also because i have been known to put the occasional cactus through a very slow death - but i seem to hate almost anything ' groente', i.e. dutch for 'greenth' [which does not include you, by the way, as it refers to matters ' vegetable']

therefore, i consider tomato(e) non-vegetable;
not that this alters things very deeply, as i do not care for many a matter fruit
(to much of a silly one myself i s'pose)

i, on the other hand, love meat, and i love preparing it;
i have what many call green fingers (green touch in english?),

but than as applied in the kitchen; i cannot do anything wrong in the kitchen
(bar, obviously, actually getting milk well into boiling time for tantrum)

i am therefore naturally peacefully inclined toward the presence of anything plant, without loving it to bits
i am also, in a way, an vegan-whennitcomesto:plantage

i found myself wondering how Acacia would judge me in his moral view of humanity

i have also become curious as to whether Acacia's breaking the wind of news to his family, had in any way been partly inspired by joining this interview.

Greentea, thanks for modding this!

AcaciaCONGRATS/[email protected]

oblio, you have some very interesting questions for Acacia there! I'm looking forward to his replies too. Thanks!

I don't really know enough about you to even come close to some kind of moral judgment.
My rudimentary impressions of you are that of intelligence, variability, and an abstract concept that I can't really put into words. Nothing negative, for sure.


I think it has. You all got me talking about these things, and then it just kept going, to include other people, including my family. For this, I am so grateful towards you guys, my friends here on WP.

As a reader, I enjoyed the thread. Thank you, Acacia, for sharing... and to those who asked the questions as well.


M.

Acacia, I'd like to thank you very much indeed for opening your heart and mind to us on this interview. Before we finish, I'd like to ask you to:

1. Answer a question that I haven't asked.
2. Give a word of advice to 18-year old Acacia
3. Ask 78-year old Acacia for advice on something, and have him answer you.

erm...Acacia?

There is actually a lot of brugmansia that grows around here. We commonly call it "angel's trumpet". I'll definately try nicking the belladonna seed coats to get it to grow quicker and easier. A problem will be finding a place to plant it. Inside will probably be my best bet. Thanks for the tips, bro.

*wrested from afternoon snooze*

huh? wha? ummm, who?
oh, uh, hi there. i'm awake. yes.

Didn't notice this thread again. Guess it got pushed back quicker than I check.

Thank you for the final questions, greentea.
I'll post a more in depth response later, when I have more time.

thanks for your patience.

Greentea, thank you very much for the opportunity to write and share what I think with the larger WP community. I think this has been helpful for everyone involved.

I've tried to think of something profound to ask myself, but I am having a hard time. Hence... You have not asked me what my favorite mountain range is. To which I would respond: The Appalachian Mountains. Specifically the Smoky Mountain National Park area of Tennessee and North Carolina. There is magic in that place, and the several times I've been there have been very special to me.

Go see an ASD specialist, quit doing drugs, apply to colleges, get enough sleep, learn more about computers, ditch your codependent addict "friends", exercise and eat healthy, and quit trying to fulfill your needs and acheive emotional security through other people. You have all the resources. Capitalize on them.

27-year-old me: "How can I make peace with my son's mother, rectify our living situation, continue to raise my son the best way I can, and pursue an independent life?"

78-year-old me: "As much fear and indecision as you are experiencing over this issue, it will be the most positive change that you can make at this stage in your life. You, your son, and his mother will all be happier if you are living the lives you want to. Any difficulties you encounter on the way there can be seen as the price you pay to invest in your collective future. You will not starve, you will not be homeless, you will not lose control. Communicate your needs as best you can, and get the support of family, whatever they are able to offer. Things will make sense on the other side of this. Just try to be aware of all the feelings involved, and don't get lost in fantasies or delusions. Your realizations now, and the change they are bringing are just the beginning of a gigantic step forward. Keep going.


Thanks again, all

Acacia, your answers to the last questions moved me deeply. On behalf of all of us here on the forum reading your interview, I would like to wish you all the very best in your future. And remind you that we are here for you during these challenging times.

Thank you ever so much for being our brave first guest, Acacia ! !! !! !! !! And for taking up the challenge with seriousness and honesty.

Now I'd like to invite you and all the audience over to millie's interview, where you can be the one asking the questions if you want to!

Good night, everyone, and thank you to our sponsor WrongPlanet!

*curtain music*