Does anybody else detest parties ?????????

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^^
Off the top of my head, I have constructed the following Draft Protocol for surviving parties:

1. Know your limits, in terms of party size, type and expected duration (see my previous post for lots of ideas about party characteristics likely to be good/bad for Aspies).

2. Inquire about the nature of the party - particularly, weigh up the personality of the host, which will most likely be reflected in the said party.....e.g. if he/she is a hedonistic young piss artist, the party will be a rave, but if it's your demure Great Aunt Maud, it probably won't be.

3. From the knowledge gleaned from 1. and 2. above, decide whether the party is likely to above your tolerance threshold or not.

4. If the party is beyond your tolerance threshold, FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T GO! - consider giving an excuse (tell a lie if necessary, however much you'd prefer to be pathologically honest) to avoid inviting contempt:
a) "I have another appointment on that night" (you might be able to create one so as not to have to lie - e.g. ring up an old friend and ask to visit him/her - but take care - it might be suggested that you bring them along to the rave.
b) "I'm exhausted from overworking" - hard to disprove.
c) "My relative/pet has just died so I wouldn't enjoy it" - could be disproved.
d) Say you'd love to go, but later feign an illness - food poisoning/migraine is good. Hard to disprove.
e) "I have to look after a child/neighbour's pet/study for an exam" - could be disproved.
f) Agree to go but don't turn up, then give your excuse later - this may take pressure off you because you can't have your decision overturned, though watch out they don't phone you unexpectedly to find out why you haven't arrived yet.
g) Doomsday option - tell them the truth, that you have AS. They might well not believe you or understand it, so rather than arranging an introductory lecture about the Triad of Impairments, simply say that one of the chief symptoms is heightened social anxiety. It's doctor's orders.
h) Second doomsday option - (if you think this is true) say that although you don't wish to sound unkind, you think they've got a bit carried away and are now only looking for "bums on seats" rather than inviting you because they especially want you there. If the outcome of this gambit is bad and they shun you, then you're probably better off without them. But they might just start thinking that all you need is a bit of sensitivity and respect, and that might just get them to make adjustments towards that.

NB Try not to feign enthusiasm while making false excuses - they might believe you and suggest a solution which allows you to attend. It's better to seem a little unenthusiastic - NTs make excuses all the time without expecting to be believed, it's more a way of avoiding a direct insult to the host.

5. If the party is on the borderline of your threshold, and you decide to attend, consider the following coping strategies:
a) Ensure you can get away early if it all gets too much - suss out the way home and the available transport. Excuses from 4. are useful here too. Forewarn the host that this may be necessary to reduce the shock and embarrassment.
b) Take earplugs if it may be noisy.
c) Try to arrange to have something to do - helping out with arranging tables, playing a musical instrument, conjuring tricks, being the DJ, etc.
d) Sit next to the drinks/food table, if there is one. You get good access to the food (eating and drinking is good to relieve stress, as long as you don't scoff the lot and upset everybody. The steady stream of guests filling their plates and cups should give a good opportunity for a bit of small talk, and they're usually away fairly quickly before you can blow it with social ineptitude, and it makes ending the conversation easier because it's more likely to be a simple "well, I'd best get back to the crowd" - "OK, see you around." You can pick and choose which plate-fillers you talk to, to some extent.
e) Arrive late to reduce the total stress time. This can be counter-productive though, as many parties get more crowded as the evening wears on.
f) Take a child with you - this should force the kind of demurity more in keeping with Aspie sensibilities. But you've got a problem if it doesn't - so has the child - and don't forget that some children are even worse than adults.
g) Persuade a friend to go with you, one who doesn't know anybody there and is likely to stick to you like glue (if you happen to know anybody like that), so you can relate to each other and agree that such parties aren't really your thing. But tell them your thinking, that you'd like their help. It would be manipulative to just get them to accompany you if they didn't know what you were up to. WARNING: depending on who they are, they may or may not actually stick to your plan once you get there.

6. If the party seems well within your tolerance limits, you will probably wish to attend. But it's still worth having a few coping strategies in case your forecasts turn out to be inaccurate. Great Aunt Maud may be a different person when she's had a few, or the party might go slightly out of the host's control, for instance.

PS: When you're asked to go to the party, say that it would be nice, and that you'll need to check your plans and get back to them, and ask them the date, start time and place if they haven't already told you. That way you get time to think about it.

Too pooped to party topic

Too many backstabbers at parties. Gets very political.

What kind of parties? Birthday parties, anniversary parties, wedding parties, bar-mitzvah parties or just social gathering where people stand around and talk a lot.

There are parties that celebrate something. There are parties that are just social get-together affairs.

I like birthday parties for my grandchildren.

ruveyn

Parties are just lame from where I stand. Bunch of people so miserable in their skin, or perhaps so bored with their existence, they need loud music, intoxication, and condescending chitchat in order to feel good? Puh-lease. And don't get me started on the fact that they are hard up for sex so bad they must get themselves and prospective partners drunk before they get it on.

How did that ever become not just socially acceptable but desirable?

I absouloutly hate the modern type of parties, where the case is usually lots of loud music, dancing and promisqueus women. All are things I hate. I dont like large social gatherings among me and my frinds as much as say, three of us or under. as theres bound to be someone anoting there (but I view almost everybody I know as anyoing)

Yeah I can't STAND the type of parties you're talking about (though luckily I've never been to one ) However, if it's with friends that I know, especially if they're mostly or all Aspies (I've had parties like this before lots o' times) then count me in! Those parties RULE! The best one I had was when I graduated high school and I invited about 16 of my closest friends and about 14 came. My friend Preston brought over "Hot Shots Part Deux" and we all watched it and thought it was really funny! Then him and I and a couple of my other friends had a Super-Soaker water fight! There was also a BBQ since it was summer After that my friends and I watched really cheesy movies and cartoons and made fun of them MST3K style like we usually do! Almost forgot, some of the parties my dad has invited me to with his friends are cool, too. There's a bit more drugs and drinking involved in those parties than the mostly-or-all-Aspie parties but they're nice people and they understand that I don't like to do that kinda stuff 'cuz my dad has told them.

It depends, the only parties I go to are family gatherings and I don't mind them at all. Plus, it gives me something to do during the evening. If it's the stereotypical parties like drunken teen idiots, then I'd avoid those parties like a bad habit. Luckily I've never been associated with any of them and I plan to never associate with any of them.

It 's so weird to see the look of JOY on the faces of most people when they hear news of a party WHERAS I actually feel physically sick ! !

Me too. And if it is something I have to go to (like New Year's with the wife), then I will worry about it constantly for weeks in advance.

To do well at a party it helps to;
Engage in small talk (usually hard for us).
Smile a lot (usually hard for us).
Minge (usually hard for us).
Laugh over petty things (usually hard for us).

If I can get a good start and do these things successfully it can go well for me and I can enjoy it. Otherwise I plan on leaving soon.

As I said in my first post to this thread; parties are a social workout.

I generally hate large parties.

I enjoy being with close friends in a small gathering, but absolutely hate the thought of an upcoming party with lots of people, many of who I will not know and the required loud noise and silly drunk behaviour. My wife loves this sort of thing and I also feel very uncomfortable in the weeks and days leading up to a party. Once a party is planned, my entire mood and attitude changes and I cannot express enough the joy I feel when an upcoming party is canceled.

I cannot understand why anyone would feel joy talking to strangers and am always bored by the 'social standard' of drinking to excess and talking crap within a large group. I would honestly rather go to a library like most Aspie tests include in the questions and learn something interesting. I wonder what joy 'normal' people actually get from parties and often think they just go because they need to 'belong' and don't want to be 'left out' (something that is of no interest to most Aspies).

I hate partis with a supreme passion

I just dn't know how to talk to people

granny777 wrote;

I agree smaller parties are much easier and potentially enjoyable.

I hate parties with a passion.
Specially when they're some kind of "social must" (a.k.a. my boss' birthday party and such).

Your remark clearly does not apply (generally) to birthday parties, graduation parties and grand openings. Some parties mark occasions of passage. Some do not.

The kind of parties you are referring to are social "mixers" and apparently occasions for people to for sexual bonds or to become intoxicated. That is a narrow definition of the word "party".

ruveyn