Aspie son just left fist-sized hole in our hallway wall

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I don't think they're excusing the behavior by saying it's normal. Yes it is normal but it's normal misbehavior and it's unacceptable. Just like it's normal for a baby to smear feces on themselves or put it in their mouths but that doesn't make it okay so you stop them. It's also normal for a two and three year old to throw a tantrum to get their way but that is still unacceptable and the parents just don't give in on them and they ignore it. Just like it's normal for babies to put anything in their mouths but that doesn't mean you should accept them putting things in their mouths they could choke on or swallow.

in my experience school administrators and most teachers are useless. the only way my son got help in the system was by getting an IEP. now if an incident happens because of bullying, it is no longer laid at my son's feet, it gets assessed for cause. before the IEP, my son was labeled a troublemaker so when he freaked out over being picked on at school the school ALWAYS sided with the bullies and my son always got suspended.

I tried homeschooling for a while, just because it was better than expulsions, but it didn't really help my son or me since I couldn't support us financially as an unpaid teacher and I have social issues myself.

If you're trying to say a teenage boy with AS has about as much sense or self control as a baby sitting in a dirty diaper that IMO, is not a very flattering comparison.

Exactly the same here.

A girl once tried to beat the sh** out of me. I fought back and injured her. Guess who got in trouble. Clue: she did not have ASD.

Then there was the time I slapped someone for grabbing my breasts. Guess who got in trouble.

Funny how none aspies take my posts out of context or misunderstand me. It's like we both speak a different language.

You?

First off, I don’t appreciate that exclamation points were added to my “unacceptable”. It makes it sound hysterical and panicky, which was not the way I meant it.

Exactly the same here.

A girl once tried to beat the sh** out of me. I fought back and injured her. Guess who got in trouble. Clue: she did not have ASD.

Then there was the time I slapped someone for grabbing my breasts. Guess who got in trouble.

First off, I don’t appreciate that exclamation points were added to my “unacceptable”. It makes it sound hysterical and panicky, which was not the way I meant it.

Secondly, I did offer advise to the mother;

“What's done is done though & I would not counter the anger with more anger. Today I would sit him down & explain to him why it was wrong, why that kind of behavior is unacceptable in a civilized world and what he can expect to have happen if it ever happens again. Work with him on, so you both agree how it should be handled in the future if it's really important that he does what you say. A five minute buffer, whatever. Something you can both live with. Then stick to it. Aspies understand rules, correct? : )”

Whether one poster or not seemed to think it was “normal” teenage boy behavior is debatable. Enough people chimed in to make it seem it was acceptable & the norm;

“Some Aspies have a rather powerful rage.”

“I punched holes in the wall all the time as a teenager. I still do at times.”

“While I'm overall a peaceful person, I'm not a very relaxed person, and have also put holes into walls; there's currently a hole in my sliding closet door, which I put tape on to avoid insects from getting inside.”

“I did that once too when my siblings decided to play a joke and lock me downstairs.My older sister ignored my hollerin, so I got mad and punched a hole in the wall.”

“I punched a hole in a door, I got to change it myself.”

“I kicked a hole in the bathroom wall when enraged while wearing only sandals. I also dented the drywall with my knuckles on at least one occasion, and also once threw a book through my bedroom window. Granted, it took a lot to enrage me to that extent, but yes, it's something I know well.”

“I've had my share of holes in the wall. My old house had at least 20, most of them from me.”

“i got so mad i went to my room and started to punch my door until there was a hole big enough to fit my head through.”

“What he did wasn't THAT violent. And HEY, he didn't touch YOU.”

“Do you realize how many teenagers punch holes in things? This is not uncommon behaviour. Sounds like an anger management issue.”

“I have slammed my bedroom door so many times during meltdowns, that it broke the wood frame.”

“I did that last month. I never did stop this, although it happens a lot less. I have a fresh supply of wall mesh and putty on stand by, as well as paint the colours of all my walls. It's an understatement to say "I can get angry at times".

“It may not be ideal, but it is far from unacceptable.”

“I've done it. I usually feel really stupid afterward though since the walls in my house are like hard as cement.(not like our new Chinese drywall.) Lucky to not break my hand.”

“I'd say it is an AS related thing. We have one HELL of a powerful rage on us when triggered. Not all of us are prone to those meltdowns, but a good proportion are.”

“I have:

- pounded a dent in a car door with my fist. Amazingly, I did not fracture my hand.

- smashed in my computer screen with my fist...I loved that computer otherwise. ”

“I put holes in walls when I was a teenager. I already knew it was unacceptable but I did it anyways. I often reached the point where I was so angry that I don't care about the consequences of my actions.”

Am I the only one that can see the pattern here?

Yup.

Plus most teenagers who have punched holes in walls already know that what they did is considered unacceptable. All you're doing here is demonizing and belittling people. I assume you're so perfect that you've never lost your temper or acted uncivilized. Good for you.

By the way, some advice for people with anger problems (this works well for me anyway).

If you're close to losing it, keep as many of your muscles completely limp as possible. I have NO idea how this works, but seizing up your muscles in anger seems to send some kind of feedback to the brain which just makes you more angry.