What's it like to have a girlfriend/boyfriend
I've never been in a relationship, I know I'm only 17 but by judging my experiences in that department I know I won't have a boyfriend for a long time, if ever. My brother's 25 and he's never had a girlfriend and I can see myself going that way to. My social skills have improved a lot in the last few years, but so has everyone else's. I've gotten to the point where I can be around my closest friends without feeling uncomfortable the whole time but I don't think my social skills will ever catch up enough for me to get a boyfriend.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 157 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 38 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
what an exceptionally arrogant statement - no wonder your relationship didn't last. She may have had her faults but I suspect you are totally ignoring any good qualities she had and any part you played in in the relationship going wrong. Nobody is perfect and no relationship will work unless both partners treat each other with respect.
before my current girlfriend i found it to be a chore. i will talk about my previous girlfriends (not my current one (which i have had for 11 years))
they always tried to eat into my time.
they tried to make me feel guilty for not being sexually interested in them.
they wanted me and i did not want them sexually but i did want to hurt their feelings.
i am not interested in sex (much) and they found it insulting that i was not able to be seduced by them.
i valued their friendships and i liked to be in their company, but it always ended up in them wanting sex and i always back pedaled away from it.
i wrote more, but when i saw this was general discussion i deleted it.
Don't worry about finding "a girlfriend" what is most important is that you find somebody you care about a lot and that you have a good relationship. And having a NT girlfriend can be too much hassle even for NT guys. I've dealt with my fair share of crazy friends and I can't even imagine how it must be for their boyfriends. They are always so emotional and take everything the wrong way and most of their relationships are complete failures, with an average span of about two weeks.
I myself, am happy to go on a date anybody who'll ask, although I can at times, get really nervous during the whole "flirting" extravaganza. Even when I am into somebody and they are hitting on me like nobody's business, I usually starting crazy laughing and shaking and I start talking like my mouth is not connected to my brain. Oh, I am a sad person, but I don't need no man, (although one is preferred.)
Anyways where was I? Oh right. Typical neurotypical girls are a pain, but if you can find an understanding girl who can see beyond your social challenges, you may just find a good relationship.
goldfish21
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Sorta kinda had a short term (2-3 week) relationship back when I was 17, so 13 years ago lol.
Never really had a relationship in my life.
However, unlike some have posted here, I've had a very active sex life over the years - just w/o the dating and relationship bit. So far I've been OK with that, or with nothing at all for a stretch at a time as I've had other things to focus my time on. At the present I have a lot of life things to get sorted out and on track, so there's no way I'd really be able to give a relationship the time and energy it would deserve - at least not until these things are all sorted, and it may take several months to a couple years to do that. I'm in no rush, but I do think I'd like to have a relationship in the future as the whole casual sex/fwb thing has kind of run it's course and gotten a bit boring. There's more to life than that & I'd like to experience it eventually, so, I will.
And like others have said here, I think another Aspie might make an ideal partner. I wouldn't have thought this a while back, but more recently it's made a lot more sense to me. Why? Because of my friendship with one of my closest friends. We've known each other for 2 1/2 years or so, and I figured out I'm AS about 5 months ago, and while there were a few traits here and there over the months, it wasn't until very recently that I realized that my friend is also AS. I'm certain of this as there are dozens of very unique AS traits that I've noticed now that I know what they are. So, based on how awesome our friendship is due to having similar quirks & tolerating one another, as well as truly enjoying each others company while doing or discussing something of mutual special interest, I believe that another well matched Aspie might just be the future relationship route I explore. But I'm not opposed to NT's etc, it's just that if I can find a partner as well matched to me as I have found a friend, I just think it could work out pretty awesome. I won't know until it happens, whenever it does, with whoever it does.. sooo I can't really say for certain, but it does make Spock logical sense that AS + AS = <3
I accidentally married another aspie before I ever realized we both were. We were each other's first relationship. I wish I could say it went well but it was emotionally cold and most communication was mundane day to day topics like how work went that day or discussing politics or whatever was on the news that day. I felt very alone even though I wasn't, which I think is worse than actually being alone. We managed to have a child, who is probably also an aspie, but divorced when our son was 2. My ex really seemed incapable of dealing with a child in his environment, picture man-sized temper tantrums.
I've been with a NT woman for two years now. It's definitely much more engaging than the talking at each other in my former marriage, but I often feel like she's expecting more from me that I don't quite grasp. Being an NT female she's prone to behave irrationally sometimes and this confuses me. Sometimes it leads to arguments if I don't realize I need to let it go and instead try to make sense of it. Like last night I got in trouble because she kept insisting the vacuum cleaner she dismantled went back together a different way than it actually does. Eventually, I laughed at her absurdity and got cursed at but I really felt like I couldn't control my reaction. She knows I have AS but I'm not sure to what extend she understands it. I think if you say too much it sounds to NTs like you're using AS as a copout for any and all character flaws.
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