What social skills for you fail to sink in?

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Oh yeah, I also have that problem too. I also have the opposite problem, that I´m the one talking while they´re trying to excuse themselves because they need to go.

I´m pretty good about asking people how they are now, but when people ask me how I am, I still tend to tell them how I´m feeling at THAT MOMENT: "Wet" (because I just came in from the rain), or "Worried about applying for my Visa" (because I have to do that soon)...etc., etc.

I'm inclined to believe this too. This may not be what you're saying at all, but....
since I realized that I like people who are genuine, intelligent and kindhearted, and dislike people that put on a social facade, I have decided to doff this whole ideal of being socially deft and universally appealing. This alone has made me a lot more comfortable with myself....which has made it easier to handle other people, and, ironically, more socially appealing.

Not perfect, but....better.
Now I only wish I knew more people that were genuine, intelligent, and kindhearted.

Last edited by patternist on 12 Oct 2008, 10:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

#2 Excessive talking.

Either I do not even start or I start and won't stop.

And of course,

#2 I do not know how to handle when people think I'm dumb or don't have the mental capability to understand them and discard what I say, want and do.

Not getting jealous and when to realize that they just don't like you anymore.

No, I just do not agree, and say so.

It seems the entire world is based on me agreeing, I don't, so they should cease to exist.

I am disappointed.

Same here. Congrats on your official diagnosis, BTW.

Regarding what aspects of social interraction I get wrong, I'd have to say just about all of it. I smile at the wrong time, I laugh whenever I speak my mind (as if I'm instantly devaluing my own opinion) and I can't tell right away if I've said the right or the wrong thing to someone else. Other times, I'll sya something, thinking it's all meant in fun but after it's out there, no one finds it funny. I tend to avoid these awkward situations by simply mumbling a noncommital reply or saying nothing at all. 9 times out of 10, I'll get it wrong.

Liverbird,

There's a specific behavior that people use in that situation. I learned it by observation, many years ago. Not that it's in any way brilliant, but it's the one widely accepted in society.

Patternist,

Everyone, when asked, say their top priority is genuine, intelligent, kind friends. However, in practice, a genuine, intelligent and kind person like me (and many others) are the most rejected in society, in favor of the charming, clever and nice.

Demoluca,

I've learnt how to notice if someone's lost interest, at last. Took me decades of being an idiot for not realizing till they had to be very blatant about so I'd notice.

Last edited by Greentea on 12 Oct 2008, 1:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Indeed

My social aspects are better among the more well-mannered in society, I can copy them without fear of behaving badly.

Hard work though, socialising, always having to do manually what they do automatically, got I long for an automatic brain.

My problem is parties.

Step one - arrive early

Step two - grab drink and clutch onto glass like it's a security blanket

Step three - gravitate to a corner of the room

Step four - attempt to mingle - why can most people do this without effort?

Step five - leave early

Does anyone else recognise this?

It is difficult to know the difference. This is why I haven't made a new friend in about 2 years. Often the only way to tell is time; another indicator is whether the person ever does or says anything unpopular. Indeed, the only person I know who actually fits this description is my boss, she is spiky on the outside and soft in the middle; I would befriend her in a heartbeat (even though I became friends with my former boss, who I discovered was the nice/charming/evil kind and run the risk of being seen as teacher's pet) except she already has a best friend, and as I see it, that best friend is very controlling, and makes me feel very unwelcome when I interrupt.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand; these are the ideals which I apply to myself and that I look for in real life. I have been deceived before, but at least I can say I live up to my own ideals.

Yes, sounds familiar, except for the 'arriving early' part. I usually show up a few minutes late, when a lot of people have already arrived, so I can hopefully blend into the crowd without being noticed. Nothing's more awkward than showing up to a party early and you're the only one there besides the host, so you hav to talk to them until other people start showing up. After I've eaten a few snacks, said my hello's and avoided as much small-talk as possible, I ease back toward the door and slip away into the night, hopefully unnoticed.

Careful now there Greentea, you could do yourself an injury lol

i constantly screw up, and spend most pf my time looking like a total a-hole

There's a problem of mine right there. I am "pathologically early", as my family puts it. I'm not sure why this is, I just am. I get places really fast. It seems everything I try to do to take up time just gets me there early. Even with work, lateness has never been an issue, but I have been counseled about "using overtime when it's not authorized" because I accidentally get to work and log in early.

patternist,

Those are my ideals too, for myself and others. I think it's very easy to spot the difference. Kind and nice take time to discern in a person, that's true. But genuiness looks the opposite of charm in most cases, and intelligent and clever are very different.