Does Anybody Feel Guilty For Not Going Out?

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Now, would you all be feeling this way if you were NOT allowed to go out?

i never feel "guilty" about anything. i do what i do and i do it because it is the way i am.

i never feel guilty about not going out because i hate to be out. i very much dislike what i see in the world.

sometimes i go to a tavern (a pub) to order and eat dinner. (last night i had t-bone steak in mushroom sauce)

i sit by myself (of course), and i always carry a brief case with my papers of interest and other things i need to occupy myself with.
i go to the counter and order my meal and get my ticket and sit down and get my papers out and start to mull over things while i am waiting.

before long, people notice me and try to get my attention and i see them in the corner of my eye. i try not to look at them, but usually someone comes over and introduces themself and interrupts me.
that is the beginning of a social disaster in most cases.
(i have been told by very rare onlookers that became friends about my behaviour)

i place my pen on the paper at the point i was reading while i look at them. i wince at them as they talk. i do not fully listen to them and i still have my pen anchored to where i was reading.

when they ask me what i am doing, i can only think to say "just stuff".
then they look at my papers and ask me what it means and i say it is "just doodling".

it does not happen the same way every time.

i will give an example along these lines that happened about a week ago.
a girl came to my table after looking at me for ages and said:

girl: hey there!
me: huh?
girl: hey are you by yourself?
me: yes.
gorl: do you want to sit with us?
me: no thanks (my pen is on my paper).
girl: what are you doing there?

at that point i felt harrassed.

me: nothing at all really. i am just waiting to get dinner and then i am going straight home.
girl: that looks interesting ( a paper i had).
me: hmmm...ok catch you later.

then she went back to her table and talked about me and there were a few men at the table who looked at me and laughed as if i was an idiot.

i knew they wanted to make fun of me so i contracted tightly into my shell and concentrated keenly about some ideas i was writing.

after a while one of the males from their table was walking past my table and he pulled my paper out from under my hand and started to read it aloud. he was mildly drunk.

i stood up and got the paper out of his hand and he looked stoney faced at me and the girls at his table pleaded with him to come back and leave me alone.
he did.
i got my dinner and ate it and as i was finishing my dinner, i noticed the girls at that table were all looking at me and the offensive male started talking loudly at me and he had the face of a dissatisfied baboon.
i did not listen to him and i packed my stuff up and walked out and that male was insulting me as i walked out saying i was really a girl in trousers and short hair.

i felt like saying "yeah...hallucinations happen to those in desperation", but i avoided it and went home.

people are very grave and heavy in their ignorance and partiality to prejudice and can not be trusted by me.

i was physically attractive to the girl (i think) who wanted to talk to me, and then when she fussed about how i am wierd, her boyfriend got annoyed and wanted to belt me with his "club".

i like to keep out of zoo enclosures, so i stay home if i can.

People always complain that I'm never home. Sometimes I go out alot. Other times I stay home alot. They must just miss me.

I have no regrets on not going out. Even though I live in a dorm near the clubs and bars, I don't go out partying and drinking.

I rather be in my room studying, playing video games, watching DVDs, and using my laptop other than boozing.

I think the only time I went to a bar is the Thirsty Turtle in College Park. I only went there for steak and chicken wings.

I don't go out partying, but I still socialise to a level sufficient for my needs.

- I talk to customers at work, because I have to but also to get some interaction. It's mostly boring smalltalk, although sometimes it's good.

- Work people are a bit more interesting. They're my friends, but I don't know if I could put in the effort to maintain friendship if it wasn't for work. We don't have that much in common really.

- My sister, boyfriend and psychologist for in-depth discussions.

- Internet to talk about my interests and learn things.

So basically I get the quality and quantity of social interaction I need, just not all from the same place.


A girl that used to work with me got angry with me one day for not socialising enough. She said:
"You need to get out more. You can't spend all of your time on the internet. You need to work on your social skills."
She kept going on and on and wouldn't shut up. As angry as I was at her for say all that (what gave her the right to criticize my life?) I didn't say anything, and I had to laugh about it later. Even someone as "socially incompetent" as me knew that what she was doing wasn't socially acceptable. She said I didn't interact well, but by saying that she demonstrated that she was worse than me