“A Field Guide to Earthlings” – Is this for Real?

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Rocket, Did you put these patterns of relationship and power out here? I cannot recall seeing them, or maybe I missed it. If hey are not out here, could you please post them, as I do not see how people could respond without buying that book....if you cannot quote them here, could you paraphrase some of it?

Also, there must be many ways to delve into this important topic without necessarily reading the book...

Rocket:

I'm wondering if you have found use for any of the patterns yet? Can you see people using them?

I found the pattern of conflict particularly interesting. The notion that people are either "friends" or in "conflict" seemed too simplistic when I read it yet on reflection it seems to fit.

It's probably why My Ideas for change at the office were not well received. I didn't realise my version of the facts or truth had tipped the balance into conflict mode. I'm much more aware of this now after reading the book.

I liked his example of political parties on this pattern -

Highly recommend it for reading

Lots of notions seem to fit when you look at them, either afterwards or even at the time: Everything people are doing, war, destroying the environment seems to them to fit in with their notions.

I am interested in management for no particular reason. I have my own little business around manufacturing a product and personally retailing it, and reading books on sales just got boring so switched to reading about management. Anyway if you are not getting along at the office it is probably not exactly because of creating conflict, or the pecking order would never change---the person at the top would always remain at the top, and this is not how it works, as people are always vying for the position above them, and anyway, the general consensus of creative books on leadership is that some degree of conflict is healthy, and I agree. Of course it is best to be able to fit in and get along with people and to understand the existing power structure and language (implied inner meanings of certain terminologies and behaviors etc.) Frankly it is a game I would not want to play and would not have had success at in the past, which is why I work for myself,, though maybe I could succeed at it now.....

The thing about tipping the balance into conflict model---it is too simplistic, kind of like a psychic saying you are eventually going on a trip or that someone just died or is going to die---yeah it easily fits a lot of people as it is so general....If a person is creating conflict and that is causing a problem, and he does not even see that he is stepping over the edge, then that is really the main problem---that the person is not seeing things clearly. So how to see things clearly? My suggestion is to pay more attention to what is actually happening rather than get lost in a maze of analysis that is probably already based on wrong ideas and buffering uncomfortable feelings.

I've read most of these posts for the last 2 hours, and have a significant headache. Ouch.

This is crazy talk. Too many if's and but's. Too much situational positioning. I am however, beginning to understand why people look at me crazy at times.

But I believe, there is no way I'm going to get the hang of this form of communication. I will not be capable of mastering it, nor in fact do I want to expend any effort to do so.

Oh well, not my loss.

littlebee – Below is a list of the Patterns of Relationship and Power. According to the author (Ian Ford), these patterns “explain how NTs get what they want from others, through such techniques as forming alliances, lying and competing for rank and reputation”. The author asserts that “NT society is organized around these competitive techniques”.

I did try to summarize the author’s core thoughts (across > 45 pages). Be aware, this (summarizing) is not one of my strengths. If anyone has a better summary of the pattern, please do provide it.

One final note, as I think about it, I definitely have seen many of these patterns. Mostly in realms where there are “power struggles”. Like Work. Like Politics (not firsthand, but through the media). And, of course, in TV/Movie dramas. However, I rarely see these in real life (other than at Work). Perhaps, I don’t notice them (i.e. I am oblivious). Or possibly, I keep to myself so much that I am rarely in those situations where these patterns show up.

Pattern 45. Friend and Enemies

The author asserts that the term friend becomes more “restricted” for adults and is used to indicate “strategic allies” – those “who are in the same identity group”, who you have “a strategic alliance” with or “who will stand up for you”. If you are not someone’s friend, you might be considered the enemy. The author indicates that it is the foundation of politics. It also exists in the working world. I am unclear if it happens outside of those two “power” arenas.

Pattern 46. Categorized, Scripted Relationships

I did not understand this one very well. So, a person can have many types of relationships. I mentioned several in a prior post (immediate family, extended family, close friends, neighbors and acquaintances). To which the author adds enemies and lovers.

The author suggests that a game is being played at all times, within these relationships. The game could be: dominant/submissive, vying for power, standing up for others, flirting, etc.

Which game is being played is communicated using nonverbal communication (facial expressions and gestures). What’s key is that the words only make sense in context of the game being played. If you don’t understand what game is being played, you will get confused about the words being used.

Pattern 47. Rank

This pattern is about one’s rank within a group and how NTs are always vying for more rank. It’s important to note that rank is more about cultural power than wealth.

As an example, when an idea is expressed by someone, it is rarely judged solely on its own merits. Rather, “the rank of the speaker plays a large role in how the idea is judged”.

Pattern 48. Lying and Manipulation

The author indicates that “lying is considered a normal and acceptable thing to do among NTs”. He goes on to say, “Since the main purpose of their communication is manipulation, communicating lies is just one of the ways of achieving that purpose”.

Pattern 49. Reputation

This pattern is the “socially constructed ‘thing’ that a person has”. The author indicates, “NTs can make decisions about someone based on what they believe their reputation to be, rather than based on what they directly know about the person”.

Pattern 50. Conflict

This pattern seems to be about social conflict. The author indicates, “The pattern of being neutral, hearing evidence dispassionately, and making up ones mind in the manner of a judge is rare among NTs”.

Pattern 51. Power and Threats

This pattern was a bit confusing. It seems to be about maintaining power over others (including the potential use of threats) and using this power to gain advantage (and I suppose Rank).

Pattern 52. Identity Threats

This pattern was also a bit confusing. It seems to be about when a person is a member of a Group, any threats to that Group undermines the person’s identity.

Pattern 53. Winning

This pattern is about winning…at everything. And how almost every situation can be turned into a competitive game. And, that people will manipulate the rules of the game in their favor so that they can win. The author also talks about “saving face”, which is “losing the conflict without losing honor”.

Pattern 54. The Ultimate Pattern

This pattern is about achievement and failure. It’s about always striving to be better. The author states: “It is a social construction composed of two basic beliefs: (1) Life is essentially about achievement or success, and we are in an eternal competition to achieve the most; and (2) achievement can be measured by other people”.

The author goes on to assert: “The winning pattern deals with one-on-one interpersonal conflicts, while the ultimate pattern is more about achieving rank within an identity group”.

Finally, the author states: “The ultimate pattern is the attempt to manipulate oneself and the culture so that the person stays within the identity group, but ends up on top”. As a result, they only strive to be “slightly better at whatever than others”.

Pattern 55. Confidence Battling

This pattern was also a bit confusing. The author asserts that the most confident person wins. It is expected that people feign confidence at things they are not confident in. The author relates life to a game of poker, wherein “each player attempts to display confidence that their cards are the best hand, regardless of their actual cards”.

Pattern 56. Altruism

This pattern was a bit confusing. The author suggests that “a large part of what may appear altruistic among NTs is only the successful effort to appear altruistic”. As this (appearing altruistic) can increase one’s rank.

Pattern 57. Symbolic Sex

This pattern was a bit confusing. The author indicates that “sex is often a symbolic act – it is communicative, powerfully controlling and meaningful”. There’s more here, that I just didn’t get.

Pattern 58. Intimacy Levels

The author indicates that “intimacy levels are symbols that NTs share so that they have an agreement about the status of their relationship”. The author discusses stages of intimacy. One such stage is declaring “I love you”. There are many others.

Pattern 59. The Sexual Tease

I didn’t get this pattern at all. The author discusses the “physical tease” (including pictures of a bikini clad women next to the same woman without clothes) and the “verbal tease”.

Pattern 60. Affairs

This is about having “sex with someone else outside of a committed relationship”. The author indicates: “I once heard an expert on this topic declare that the only reason people have affairs it to hurt their partner”. Really???

Pattern 61. Forced Sex

The author suggests that, “in some males, sex is closely associated with competition and violence”. It can also “be an achievement…a measure of rank, and a symbol of allegiance; therefore it can be something to win”. Interesting.

Pattern 62. Socializing

The author describes this as the “synchronization of the belief webs of different people”.

Samian – I have definitely started to look for these patterns. But, mostly I recognize these patterns in some of my prior interactions, particularly those failed interactions at work (i.e. I can use them to explain why a particular interaction went in a particular direction).



Agreed (that this pattern is interesting). And, it has gotten me in trouble in the past (because I didn’t understand the rules of the game). As I apparently belonged to one group, but betrayed them by agreeing with some points made by another group. As such, I initially was a “friend”, but became a “foe”.

My biggest takeaway? To keep my thoughts to myself. As there seems to be little benefit to expressing an opinion. Ever.

That and to pay more attention to the context of the situation and not so much the content of the conversation.

It's easier for me to see the patterns retrospectively. I know now why I had certain troubles in the past.

I've Also learned to leave some wiggle room on opinions expressed - especially if it's not that important.

Rocket, thanks for putting all those patterns out here. That must have been a lot of work. I will comment on some of them later.

As far as keeping your thoughts to yourself and there being little benefit to expressing an opinion---that would depend on the contest and also how you express the opinion. Please try to think about this, People will make too broad generalizations for various reasons, and this can be self defeating. There are so many reasons why your ideas may not have been well received at work. The perspective that these people are nt's and you are an aspie, no matter how you try to break it down, does not necessarily cut the grease. I understand you are trying to look at these patterns in order to understand, and that is commendable, but the thinking around it may be too complex. A simpler approach might yield better results. For instance, you may have expressed your ideas in a way that was over-assertive, such as butted into conversations or approached someone at an inappropriate time or spoken in too loud a voice and/or with an angry tone or stood too close to people's bodies, and this may have turned them off to anything you were trying to present. These are just some examples of being over-assertive. I do not know if you did any of these things, but if a person behaves this way around anyone it will turn them off, be they of whatever brain variety:-)

This is just looking from one angle. There is also workplace competition.To play the game well it is necessary to really know the game, the key word here being "play." In that kind of environment every move could be strategic. Many people cannot fit into that kind of setting or are not motivated to do so.

littlebee - You are quite welcome. I had meant to re-read this section of the book, so it gave me an excuse



So, the thoughts/opinions that I was thinking of, were of the type that were counter to the thoughts/opinions of those I was interacting with.

For me, the thoughts/opinions I develop are mostly independent of what is culturally accepted (i.e. based upon the beliefs of a particular group) and, instead, are based upon logic/reason, based upon a close examination of the facts. They may not be correct, but they are based upon logic. And, they can change if/when new facts are introduced.

In the past, I felt a “sense of duty” to explains these thoughts/opinions to others. Because I couldn’t understand why they were being so myopic. I didn’t realize I was attacking their “belief web” (not certain if I am using the term correctly). And, in doing so, I was violating these social “rules of engagement”.



The book helps me understand why most of those ideas were not well received. I violated the patterns.

Somewhere in the book, the author indicates that certain influential/powerful NTs can successfully deal this these types of situations. By modifying the "belief web" (again, not certain if I am using the term correctly). Quite often, we refer to the people who are able to do this as being “politically astute”.



No. That’s not me. I was quite fortunate that my parents stressed very early on the importance of good manners. There were a set of rules that were drilled into me, every day. It's definitely something that can be learned. Which is why Temple Grandin talks about all the time.



I think the author is suggesting that this competition occurs in many venues. Beyond work. And, this is why I am interested in getting people's feedback about where they see these patterns in everyday life.

I just read this book. It was as if my life flashed in front of my eyes and it all finally made sense, but NOT in a good way.
So many of the situations in the book have happened to me that it truly drained me. I actually have been attempting to understand NTs more, as I was continuously harassed at work by a few and told that I need to have better communication skills. However, I could not see for the life of me what the heck I was doing wrong. I was honest, nice, sweet, etc...but I always felt they were ganging up on me and when I said this to my boss, of course, they all denied it. Now I know it was indeed true, what I felt was happening is exactly what was happening, but of course, NTs don't want people to know that is how they play the game.

I honestly feel absolutely disgusted I have wasted so much time wit so many of them. I am disgusted that the president of the Autism association where I live plays these games with the parents of our kiddos, many who are also on the spectrum and just don't understand that this woman is playing them like a fiddle in typical NT fashion. No, this is not meant to bash NTs, but the fact is that the way they think and the whole group, rank, blah, blah, blah is being used to control and drain the bank accounts of parents on the spectrum who are not yet aware they are on the spectrum.

I feel like a TURTLE...yes, a TURTLE. I had nightmares about a HUGE turtle after reading this book. The turtle kept poking its head out and then would retreat...that's exactly how I feel. Like everytime I poke my head out to socialize with these NTs I end up having to retreat in fear and go back into my shell. Then they harass me for going back into my shell...go figure.

If anyone knows of other similar books, I would love to read them. We need to ensure that THIS type of information is read by our kids/teens...they MUST learn this in order to no longer be used.