Do all parens of autistic kids secretly hate them?

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I'm sure that there are a lot of parents who openly hate their autistic children like mine for example.

I don't know about all parents, but I know one of my parents secretly hates me. My father is amazing (he's also on the spectrum) but my mother is really hard to understand. I get glimpses of her disdain for me every so often, she has also repeatedly stated that she wished she never had kids.

Absolutely not. I love my son more than anything in the world. He is unique and so interesting to be around. I just have a difficult time knowing how to help him when he's having problems. It is really difficult as a parent to know the right thing to do. The last thing I want to do to my child is to make him feel bad about himself. I hear different advice from different people on how to help and it's so confusing. I have ADD and know some of the communication difficulties he has. I was teased a lot in school. He's in second grade and I'm not sure how to help him with this. I've heard stories of merciless bullying and can't stand the thought of him having to go through any of that. He tells himself stories at recess and makes arm movements to go along with the stories and other kids look at him strangely. Last year most of the kids in his class started ignoring him which made him incredibly sad and he didn't know why. Do I encourage him to only do the hand gestures at home? Do I say nothing? He wants friends so much and asked for my help last year. I know it looks to some of you that parents don't care. I think with a lot of parents we just don't know how to help our children when we see them having difficulties. Many parents don't understand them so they try the best they can but sometimes this causes more problems. It's just really difficult!

Many parents hate one or more or all their children for many different reasons. It's not a thing that only affects autistics or aspies.

And the hatred from parents side is in 100% of cases (unless the child has murdered someone or something) not justified and the ball is in the parents field, be it the parents shortcomings or the parents mental health (or personality(disorder)) and what not.

A parent that hates his kid is not a normal parent, particularly in the case of small children. The ball is definitely in the parent's field, not the kid's. Yes they are allowed to irritated or disappointed because of selected actions of the kid, or exhausted because of having to care too much at times. But hatred has no place in parenthood. NON AT ALL.

It's not hate per se; it's a misdirected predatory instinct. The instinct to destroy whoever's weaker. Think about it: on an instinctual level, people---at least NT people---really despise weakness. It's the reason why bullying happens in schools, and [rhymes with "tape"] happens in prisons. At the same time, aspie kids are usually very fearful, meek, and docile. So when parents notice their aspie child acting that way, their instinctive hate of weakness comes bubbling to the surface. At times, it's strong enough to override even parental instincts.

Just consider the reverse: parents of aggressive, defiant, and rebellious kids may not "like" their kids, but they very much respect them, treat them well, and rarely punish them for misbehaviors. Because these behaviors are indicators of strength, and strength evokes respect. On the contrary, parents may "love" their aspie kids, but they don't respect them. Because weakness.

It's really hard sometimes to understand how to help my daughter cope. She's 5. Sometimes I hate being in a certain situation, but I always love her. Lol, actually, I think we drive each other crazy because she has to deal with me and my OCD/sensory issues as well. At least we're in the same boat lol.

Agreed, it's almost as if an NT can't help but prey on/mistreat/take advantage of that scent of weakness. Like you've said - a "predatory instinct" to ensure the predator's survival and in order to protect the survivability of the species.

Holy cow, that really rings true.

If there's any way I would describe my parents' (and other kids') attitudes toward me it would be predatory.

I totally agree. What you say makes sense. But what you say also means that hoomans are not a bit better than apes / cats etc. If I'm not mistaken some animals kill their weakest offspring right after birth. I think some sort of cats. Eventhough you are completely right, there is this thing called humanity which shoud, in theory make us differ from apes and such. But as I can see, from what I have gone through and what is happening in the world, humanity is a made up placebo imaginary word, and we are in fact, just apes, if not worse. We hoomans are screwed creatures.

Not ALL parents but some. I know my mom was always saying horrible things about me, even right in front of me like I was too stupid to understand her.. but, I have 2 amazing autistic daughters and couldn't love them more! They are so bright and loving. I wouldn't want to change anything or go back or any of that. I think being on the spectrum makes them that much more amazing. My oldest never ceases to amaze me with her creativity and the youngest is so smart. She's only 5 and corrects me all of the time she even remembers things that I normally forget (I forget to grab my phone before leaving a lot so sometimes she'll get it for me if she realizes I'm about to leave and don't have it).

Hmmm, well my parents definitely hate that I have autism...but they dont necessarily hate ME (even if it sometimes felt like it) They hated how I acted, and how I behaved, and how I was different, and how people might find out, but I am their daughter and they love me.
Do they wish I were normal? 100%
Did they often treat me and my behaviorisms with disdain? Also 100%
Were they well equipped to take care of a child like me, and were they ready to adapt their parenting style when I was diagnosed? Not at all, nor did they
Am I the least favorite child? Currently my power ranking is 7th out of four kids.
Do I make them regret adopting me? Pretty much everyday of my life.
Would they have still done it had they known? Absolutely. They're my parents.

Don't believe everything you read. Can they read other peoples minds? How would they know if all parents secretly hate their child? People make stuff up all the time and ASSume.




That is their opinion.



As I say, that is their opinion, don't believe everything you read. Not all autistic children rob their parents of their normal life. That depends on how severe their problem is. And to be fair, even normal children change your life too because you can't do the same things you enjoy with your kids. What if you saw comments online about kids being a burden and robbing parents of their life, that comment wouldn't bother me at all because I don't feel unsecured about myself and same as when I see comments online about how kids with disabilities should be separated from normal kids or how much of a burden they are to the teacher and other students. Why? Because I feel content with myself and I know I still had a normal childhood and still did stuff and we still went on trips and there were times when we had to leave because of me or they didn't do things because of me and I don't start feeling bad about myself and a burden. I mean if my parents wanted to do it, they could have left me at home with a baby sitter and took my brothers to the race car show but I just think they didn't want to go there so they used me as an excuse than just being honest. I also didn't rob other kids from learning in class nor did I keep the teacher from teaching.

Work on your security issues and these comments won't bother you anymore and give you anxiety.

No, it's not true.

Parental love is unconditional.

Sure, many parents of autistics may get frustrated at the challenges of raising autistic kids - that's to be expected - but very few would say they don't actually love their children because they are autistic.

Our parents accept us more than we accept ourselves. Read that over a few times and let it sink in.

Our parents accept us more than we accept ourselves. Think about it? Would you accept and love your own child no matter what way they were born? Yes, probably. And there you have it. Our parents accept us more than we accept ourselves. If they didn't, they'd be long gone out of our lives by now like any other deadbeat parents. For emphasis: Our parents accept us more than we accept ourselves.

i am not gonna lie sometimes I think my parents wished I was never born cause of my autism but I try my best to be in a normal life as possible

I totally agree. I found Reddit to be a very toxic environment, especially for anyone who enjoyed "The Last Jedi"

Sorry to come to this thread late.
I think my poor departed Dad just hated, he had a tough early life, he used alcohol to cope yet held down a job and became a pillar of the community. He didn't have a bad temper he had a dangerous one.
We all pacified him. He was violent to all but my eldest brother. He hit my mother but never in front of us.
As for my mother, I believe she genuinely loved me and nurtured me and was delighted when I taught myself to read around the age of 2.
She NEVER coerced or bullied me into it.
I gave it up around the age of 2 though because Dad taunted me by calling me the baby, weirdo, and highlighting my weaknesses, poor physical co-ordination.
My mother could not understand why I would waste my precious talents and place more importance on minor silly names Dad was calling me.
After I gave up reading, I became destructive, and a pain in the neck and this is when I first noticed the first signs of change in my mother.
Slowly, ever so slowly she acquired some of my Dad's traits, and other negative traits.
She became violent.
I am not a professional but have researched NPD a lot online and believe my Dad to be on the Dark Triad.
So, bottom line, she used to love me, but when I threw my precious talents away and tried to fit in, I gradually started to annoy my mother and became the family scapegoat. She says she loves me but I do not believe it, I think she stopped loving me.
Had I of kept reading, I would have seen Dad for who he was and my then excellent intuition would have meant I could have warned her of the danger to come, living in fear for the rest of our lives. Fiction reading would have developed my intuition even more, but sadly I lost touch with it and things went south family wise.