Asperger's and lying ...

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My husband says I can't lie but apparently we both have our own view on what it means not being able to lie. I am more literal about it so I say I can lie. I have been lying since I was five because I learned to do it on my own to try and stay out of trouble because I hated being punished. It didn't work but I kept on doing it because I never give up you know. I also remember trying to hide my mistakes and cover my tracks because I feared getting into trouble and if mom gets mad, that meant I was in trouble. Especially if I would hear my mother start screaming about something, I would deny it because I didn't want to get in trouble. I used to try and blame it on my brothers instead and it rarely worked because my mom knew it was me. That tells me as a parent what I can do differently as a parent so my kids won't have to lie to stay out of trouble because I want them to be honest with me than trying to hide it and lie about it because they don't want to be in trouble (it would be different if he did something he knew he wasn't supposed to do and he broke something, then he would be in trouble for it). The way I acted about getting consequences a a child is like how an abused child acts except I wasn't even abused but being punished was the worst thing ever for me so it was that bad for me. I didn't live in fear or have anxiety about getting into trouble luckily like some kids would.

I lie and have done so since I was very small and I am quite good at it. I have not lied here on WP or to any of you but I can and do sometimes.

I don't believe in this hogwash that Autistic people have no "theory of mind."

I never think to lie. It just doesn't occur to me. I don't have a need to.
Simple life.

Now, when I was drinking, that was a different story but my lies weren't so much lies as. .. conditioning:

Partner: Have you been drinking again?
Me: Yes!
Partner hits me in the head!

Partner: Have you been drinking again?
Me: Yes!
Partner hits me in the head!

Partner: Have you been drinking again?
Me: ... No?

I have always strived to be as totally honest as I possibly could, often to my detriment.

This 'lying by omission' thing is not so simple. I try to give a total and accurate answer to questions, but frequently get criticized for saying too much. NT's seem to like a short 'good enough' answer which for me is hard because the answer is rarely correct if I do that.
Plus other times, I don't want to tell them something, so I choose not to. If it is none of their business, and they choose to believe something that is not true, and I didn't say that, but I didn't correct them either, then why should I? I am not interested in policing what crap goes on in other people's heads.
My husband sometimes wants to know something and I don't want to tell him (because he wants to know every tiny irrelevant thing about every tiny irrelevant thing and I don't have that kind of time or patience) so he pushes it by vocalizing a conclusion that he knows is wrong and will upset me, thinking I will clarify with the truth, and he will finally know. I sometimes do, but I deeply resent those kind of tactics. But these days, I say 'think what you want' and drop it, if he lets me. He should respect my judgement about whether the thing is something he needs to know or not.

There is only so much responsibility I am willing to take for what others think. If I did not plant the false notion in their heads, then I don't have to clarify it unless I want to for some reason. This does not make me a liar, as far as I'm concerned.

I tell the truth because I remember so much. I remember what happened, and think of many possible ways I could get caught, and decide I don't want to deal with that. It is too much work for my overloaded brain to remember the event, PLUS the lie I told, PLUS who I told it to, PLUS all of the details that have to be consistent with everything surrounding the lie and the actual event. My mind aborts the idea and embraces the truth, even when unpleasant.
My husband has a hard time lying to me because I am that person who will remember that little thing he said on the bus five years ago that is not consistent with his lie, so will catch him. He lies, and does not remember. Stupid. He even holds it against me that it is not easy to get away with a lie with me - like I am the criminal and he is a victim. HAH!!

I do lie to him, and only to him, usually to protect my kids. I would lie to GOD, if there were one before me, to protect my kids. He never went to school and literally does not understand anything about grades, except that "A" is the best grade. If he sees a "B", he tells my kids that 'they will go nowhere'. So I tell him they don't get report cards at the new school, and he says nothing.
But to protect myself, I usually cop the fight rather than to lie. I get away with the lies because I do it so rarely.

On the flip side, if I really wanted to lie, it is unlikely I would get caught. I would spot the inconsistencies and deal with them making it harder for someone to catch me out.

I find myself compelled to speak what I believe to be the truth all the time, whether I want to or not.
Lying feels wrong and uncomfortable for me in a very visceral way, and I realy, really don't like to.
However, sometimes the consequences of being truthful make lying seem necessary, and so I do & can lie when it seems like I really have to.
I don't think that makes those lies any better or les abhorrent, but in the end, we all do what we think necessary.

My lies suck I am inconsistent with them at times but im getting better at it by learning from my NT peers when it comes to lying. I know lying probably isnt good but sometimes it can come in handy if it means saving your own life.

I have learned that people tend to base much on observation. So if I know something is a FACT I will lie to say I have witnessed it and get as close to the example I have observed to make it match the point I am trying to prove. I do not usually lie just to lie. In my past marriage I would be very blunt on things and point out things that I knew he was doing for me, it would make him upset and he stopped doing nice things for me, So with this new relationship, if I see him doing something ex: he left the night before easter and came back with nothing. Then at 2 in the morning I saw him coming in the home with a bag but I acted like I did not see it, In the morning their was candy in my easter basket. I lied and told him I had no idea and I thanked him for the gifts. I just read situations. If I feel it meets the criteria of a similar experience that hurt someone or someone did not listen to me, then I will go with a lie.

i lie, id just rather not

I had to learn to lie. I didn't know how until I met my current best friend. She taught me how to. Now I lie occasionally.

I guess I might as well write something. What happened is I had two windows open to WP and was originally first going to post on this thread, but decided not to post that message right now and maybe not on this thread, and then posted the other message on this thread by mistake.

The following has nothing overtly to do with what I was going to say, though connected to it, but, in short, the worst thing is to be lying to oneself and not even know it, and to think/feel that this lie is the truth and even feel self righteous about it when really it is not, and even worse, to then impose this truth upon other people and make them conform to it. This warps the entire world in such a way that a certain quality of honesty and purity which most of us from deep in our hearts are striving for in relationship cannot get through

I'm incapable of holding a lie for a long period of time. I cannot manipulate anybody except by clever reworking of the truth.

I can, and often do, however, tell minor lies and downplay or exaggerate things to push a situation in a direction I approve of.