Do all parens of autistic kids secretly hate them?

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That is really sad to hear. Please be aware that the problem lies with them not you. When they treat you bad, see it as them acting on their own problems and do not absorb their problems, if they call you names it is because they feel that way. For example my Dad called me stupid, although he was not stupid, he believed himself to be.

No, many parents want the best for their child and go all out to get them as much support as possible and most importantly teach their children to learn to help themselves by guiding them in the right direction.

People with those views have not educated themselves.
Parents who want their kids to be NT are not educated either.
With my autism came early gifts which due to his mental illness (untrated) he was jealous of and I did not know that he was trying to infantilise me so that I would not outshine him. I have researched Dark Triad Cluster B personality disorders and my unfortunate departed Dad ticks many boxes.

Sounds like he is not educated on it.
It's more challenging to deal with the challenges of AS and some parents are not equipped to deal with this.

I am AS but both of my parents are NT, I have a half cousin who's three kids are classic autism.
I suspect my mothers blood sister may have had AS as mother said she had bad temper outbursts and was eccentric.

Dad seemed to have narcissistic personality disorder sadly for him.

I remember mum saying she hated kids and I said "Why did you have so many then?" She replied that she loves her own. I didnt believe her. I think she does love my siblings now they are older, but I have reservations on whether she loves me as I have caused her the most problems.

Not all parents love their kids unconditionally. Some kids have to be obedient and compliant to earn love. Respect is a part of love, my mother told me Dad never respected us, she also told me I never earned her respect. I regret that failure.
My parents wanted to be good grandparents. My mother would yell at me, however when my sister in law was present she would apologise for being sharp and apologise for interrupting but when sis in law wasnt there she would interrupt me.

I am more comfortable with a formal diagnosis, I dont feel I am making excuses anymore, I can say I am autistic, some people make allowances but others forget, especially if they are working and are busy, and I am taking time on the phone they get a little ratty.

I think it depends on the parent. If the parent is healthy and wants the best for their kid, and has AS traits themselves, unknowingly, they may feel they are failing their child and may be unhappy about this.
These parents want the child to function healthily and may feel a little frustrated by the Childs AS and again, feel they are letting them down.

On the other hand, if the parent is unhealthy, the AS traits annoy them, if the child is bright, they may be jealous. They want the child to remain dependent on them into adulthood and not care if the child cannot function as an adult, this is dangerous as the child can make naive errors, get into wrong crowds and lose their way in life.

It's sad that you felt unwanted at such a young age.
In dysfunctional families parents have golden children, scapegoats etc.
Being the family scapegoat is very painful.
You are better off out of that toxic environment.
This is because the non-scapegoats can bear it and live "normally" while the scapegoat is in emotional agony.

My dad is somewhat of a classic narcissist. He faced abuse as a kid and now has a majorly inflated ego to combat that, instead of actually dealing with trauma. I know the whole infantilizing and preventing kids from "outshining" them thing, because to these people if they perceive you are "better" than them at something they need to put you down to fix that since it hurts their ego. I'm very sorry to hear that your father acted similarly.

I also agree that my dad is definitely not that educated about ASD. He has argued with me and my brother about basic, well known traits relating to it because he doesn't like being associated with those things. He doesn't think Asperger's and autism are the same thing and gets aggressive if I mention "autism".

Sorry to hear that, it's difficult growing up with someone who needs so much control we don't feel we can be ourselves.
Sadly my late Dad faced abuse as well.
My Dad's ego was fragile and underdeveloped, so he compensated by inflating it, which is common in NPD.
Yes, it develops because they fail to deal with the trauma as it is so overwhelming for them at the tender age the abuse started.
Yes, they cannot handle being disagreed with.

I think my mum secretly hated me for years because she knew that I didn't take after the British or the French and she could really, "sniff it out". That's probably why she was always a bit more rough on me than what was necessary.