Kicked out of Home

Post Reply New Topic

Three days ago I was told, indirectly, to leave the family home. I am currently staying at a respite home until I find my own place to live.

I don't like it here. It's quite noisy and chaotic and there is little to no privacy. The other 2 people who stay here (permanently, I think) have much bigger problems than I do and seem to be mentally sub-normal and quite disruptive.

Surprisingly to me, I don't feel particularly angry or resentful for being kicked out. At the moment my main overriding feelings seem to be worry and confusion. I'm 29 but have never lived on my own before.

I should be going to look for somewhere to live on Wednesday and so I was wondering if anybody had any advice on finding a good place to live, "living on your lonesome" or anything else that's pertinent.

Thanks.

What are your resources? Are you employed? Do you have some other form of income? Can you afford an apartment on your own; or do you need to find a roommate? Are you in touch with a case worker? Your profile says you're diagnosed; if so, you can probably access things like the voc rehab office in your area, as well as being protected from discrimination in regards to renting an apartment.

Suggestion as to peace and quiet: Can you get to a public library? It's not private; but it's not chaotic, and it may provide some degree of refuge. Additionally, at a public library you can find newspapers with job and apartment listings. (You may be at one right now, for all I know, seeing as you're on the Internet.)

Best thing now is to get a plan in mind, and written down if you need it; get a list of steps you can do, so you don't lose it and flip out. (I would, in your situation, and having a plan is what saved me.)

I hope that you find a place to live, soon.

We could help you, if you like.

I'm going to rough out a basic strategy that I'd use in this situation; so you can throw out what you don't need, change what needs changing, etc.

So, basically, you have two short-term goals at the moment: You have to find a place to stay where they don't treat you like a child; and you have to find a source of food other basic necessities. You also have one long-term goal: Find a way to support yourself before your savings run out.

1. Finding a place to stay. You want to move out of this place as fast as you can; so you need to find an apartment that won't ask too many questions about your income, so long as you can make rent and down payment. If you can do this on your own (requires some problem-solving skills, access to newspaper, and ability to use and access to telephones), you should look through the newspaper classifieds. Ideally, the rent should be low enough that you can pay the deposit, the first month's rent, and the second month's rent pretty much immediately. That gives you time to find a job. If you need help with an apartment search, call your case worker and make an appointment. If you don't have transportation, tell them they will have to come to you; this is not an unreasonable request. Tell them that you are looking for an apartment and you want them to help you find one, call the landlord, and arrange the move. You don't particularly need to buy a lot of furniture. Just buy a mattress to sleep on for now; the rest can wait. (Good sleep is essential. Don't forego the mattress unless you absolutely can't afford it.)

2. Food and basic necessities. For this, you'll probably have to call your caseworker. You count as "homeless"; so in most places you are going to be able to access food stamps relatively quickly. Don't be ashamed about asking for this; you need to be able to eat if you are going to search for work. I suggest that you also make sure to set aside money for soap, dishes, and other necessities, especially hygiene-related (you will need to be clean when you are looking for a job).

3. If you have your own place and a source of food, it's time to start looking for work. But don't worry about that right now.

I'm assuming here that you have the skills you need to live on your own. If you don't, you will also need to ask your case worker about learning them. You may have to stay where you are while you learn them, if they are particularly important skills.

I have my fingers crossed for you.

I'm not sure what advice to give you. Do be careful with your money it can disappear very quickly. I'm glad you've got savings but I hope you can find a steady source of income. I'm glad you've got a social worker and support worker.

When you do set up your own home I highly recommend going to Goodwill and places like that to save money on the many odds and ends you'll need. You can usually get a good bedframe and dresser there, dishes and silverware and so on. A new mattress is worth a little expense as you can't do well if you can't sleep well. Big Lots often has good deals on those. Once you know you've got a good long term living and working situation, which can sometimes take a couple of tries, you can start upgrading your stuff if you want to. It's best not to dip into savings more than you truly have to.

It is scary to take on a whole new lifestyle. Try not to look at all the problems at once. Just focus on one or two at a time and get those sorted out. I think keeping a journal where you can plan things out is helpful and can make you feel more in control. If you can get an inexpensive place to live near work and in a safe area, that's really important. If it's near work you'll cut down on your commuting expense. Walking distance is best if you don't drive, but public transportation can be wonderful too.

You don't need to work it all out today. If you get a place and then end up working too far away you can usually move again.

It's good that you've got some money coming in. I think you should try to keep expenses as low as you can and as close to your income level while saving your savings for emergencies or other unexpected things.

Goodwill is a second hand shop. I don't know if you have that specific kind but I'm sure you've got something along those lines.

A good sign that a place is safe would be that it is clean and well kept. If there is a lot of trash on the street or graffiti on the buildings it's less likey that the people who live there care about their community. If their standards are low about those things they are likely low about other kinds of behavior. If you can find a landlord who lives on the premesis, like in another flat in the same or nearby building and who says keeping things quiet and orderly are a priority then you will have an ally with some power to keep things quiet. If you have trouble keeping your things neat and clean that could be a problem. Keeping your number of posessions to a minimum can help, but not all people are comfortable with a simple life.

I would try to buy as few new things as possible. Take what is yours from the family home and only buy what you really need for the new place. You could hold off on things like a couch or maybe even a dining table. A chair and a side table would be good to start with- maybe from thrift stores, whatever they have in Whales.

For the record, I think it is cruel to throw a person out who has no experience on their own, no matter how old you are. I am glad you have people working with you, though. And it is good you are at the respite home even if it is a big challenge to keep your cool. I would hate to be treated like that too, but if I were kicked out I would be on the streets. I'm sure the home is better than the streets!

There's some good advice in previous posts but I just want to add one more thing. At your age you will have been paying taxes and National Insurance for some time and now it's time for them to step up to the plate. Approach every government organisation you can think of and ask for help, don't be shy, don't be reluctant because it is your right to get help in this situation.

Your social worker and support worker are good first points of contact but don't forget the Citizen's Advice Bureau, the Salvation Army and (if there is a branch near you) Centre Point.

Good Luck

Vanilla_Slice

Thanks, guys. I really appreciate it.

Everyone has given good advice so far. I'll add just one more thing.

If you can get a place on your own, it would be a good idea to. Living with people can be difficult and it may be a good idea to avoid house or apartment sharing until you know how to manage house chores and such.