The social significance of benign teasing

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Most of the info I can find about teasing is negative, and focusses on the harm it can cause and the dangers of "benign teasing" escalating into something worse. I don't doubt that teasing is very often harmful, and that even the benign form can quickly become oppressive in the wrong hands, but I'm wondering more about the positive aspects of it here.

One colleague of mine (some years ago) used to have the knack of "insulting" people without upsetting them. His insults seemed carefully selected to be so inapproriate and exagerrated that the recipients couldn't easily take offense, and I got the impression that those he insulted (who would retaliate) thoroughly enjoyed the game. He never tried it with me, which made me feel kind of left out.

I've sometimes felt very tempted to tease people......really it's only the fear of hurting them that stops me, but the urge to make fun of them in a harmless way has often felt so strong that I've wondered whether it's a fundamental biological instinct that's at work. My associations with people often seem so bland and politically correct that I feel there's a great distance between me and the people concerned.

Animals often engage in play-fighting, especially young animals, which suggests that there's a good reason for it.

So my question is, does anybody know what the purpose of benign teasing is? Is it a method for increasing the bonding between individuals, or a technique for identifying weak individuals, or could it be a way of learning battle tactics in a safe environment, so that they can be used later at a higher strength on enemies? Has the phenomenom been scientifically studied?

I'm sure it's a socialization mechanism. Unfortunately, as I was growing up, I was unable to tell the difference between benign & malicious teasing - which made it very entertaining for the people doing the teasing, because they could always get a rise out of me.

By now, I've pretty much learned to tell the difference (although I still get tripped up by passive-aggression masquerading as benign teasing.) But I never really learned how to tease (since, to me, teasing was always malicious), so I don't do it - which I think leads people to leave me out of any attempts at benign teasing.

This is actually one of the primary tools that I use to socialize with people, or even interact with others professionally. I find it's extremely effective at relaxing the mood. If there is ever a doubt about how a comment of mine was received, I will follow it up with an exaggerated insult hurled at myself. That way, people know I'm not taking myself seriously.

At a previous job, I actually got in a heap of trouble because our team constantly did this to each other and got very loud about it. To passers by, it apparently looked agitated and angry. I know for a fact that this was not true. There's many reasons that I put this job in my past, but this was part of it.

Yes, I won't use this technique on people who don't hurl back. There is definitely that dangerous feeling that I might have actually insulted said person if they don't react with a laugh or something.

I think as a child i was bullied by tricky NT kids who could blur the line between the two, and seem like it was just banter but had a real nasty intention.

I made a big thread about it earlier here LINK

the only place ive read about harmless teasing and how to handle it/take part in it is dating books like "rules of the game".

i think the idea is, it makes people relax as it sounds, "me pretending to fight with you is a joke, as i would never really fight with you.

Very interesting topic. I have been wondering about it for a while. I guess the ways others interpret it is a lot to do with non verbal communication too, I've always found it hard to do.

Sometimes i think it is used to keep social hierarchy rigid but that could be more passive aggressiveness than friendly banter. I'm not certain i can tell the two apart. The play fighting analogy is interesting and seems like it could possibly be related. There must be some people studying this sort of thing.

Teasing is ok, sometimes, I do that myself at some level, but only with people I know well. It's about getting attention and provoking some reactions from others; it can be a real good socializing thing.

However, there is a danger for misinterpretation. Way back, in high-school, I've even hit a girl for teasing me - I misinterpreted as bullying:((

Ultimately you give people attention if you teas them. Perhaps that is the point? The: "I see you"?

I just know that I hardly ever tease verbally, and I hate it when people do it to me. It always feel like a attach to me.

Something about using the words "benign teasing" next to each other creates a want to compare it to the phrase "Blond Genius".

Funny!

...though I am sure some blond genius must have walked this planet

I think part of it is as a signal that you don't take things too seriously. When I saw the title, I thought it was a typo and you meant "being teasing," like having a teasing, playful attitude with somebody. When somebody is okay with that, sometimes it indicates that you can kinda relax with them, because they're not likely to flip out over some perceived insult. Although I've noticed that sometimes when I've spent time around somebody who likes to banter like that, I'll end up pissing somebody else off later. Like, I spend a few days around somebody who is all about making rude little sarcastic comments at each other and laughing, and I get used to it. They'll probably have told me a few times to relax and laugh. Then later I make a comment like that to somebody else, expecting a laugh, and they get all pissed off at me.

I very much enjoy making fun of people I like.

I remember when I first figured out people teased each other as a friendly thing. In school I never got it, I am sure school would have been much nicer if I knew of this :/

Anyway I guess I worked with someone and they were a good "teacher" heh. At my second job I've said some of the most outrageous things and got away with it. I've almost got it to a fine art where I can insult someone absurdly badly in such a way as for them to find it funny

You have to know who you can do it to though. If someone jokes a lot it is probably safe to assume they are fair game. Also a hint for Aspie's- knowing the multiple meaning of words and being able to see them much faster than the average NT is great for puns. On the flip side you remembering what someone said yesterday/last week/last month that was funny and cracking a joke on it probably wont fly. NT's don't seem to get the reference unless it has been established already. They don't seem to remember those things.

I find it very frustrating as I can`t tell half the time if someone is teasing or not, especially if I don`t know them very well. Sometimes it just takes me a moment too long to process and I find people looking at me funny and telling me they`re just teasing meanwhile by then I`ve figured it out and feel embarrassed...

SirLogiC...I do that all the time...try to make a joke about something that everyone else has forgotten!

I am the same. A lot of my friends tease me in a benign way and I tease them back (or I start it). Whoever starts it first, that is the kind of relationships I have with friends. In fact, if I do tease you in a bit of harmless fun, it means I like you and if you do it back, I take it as a compliment. I can imagine, though, that this might be difficult to understand if you are one of these people who cannot tell the difference between harmless fun or benign teasing and malicious teasing or bullying, of which I have been subjected to both types.

Yeah, this. It's like reassuring the other person that the relationship is so comfortable that you'd never dream of REALLY fighting with them.
Because if you never teased and laughed, then tension might creep into the relationship.