What is it like meeting another aspie?

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I've only met some ASD peeps, but that was before I actually liked it...Or suspected myself having it. And I thought autistic people were like animals.
But like, my impression of this one kid who was full blown autistic was discomfort. He was staring at me, and squeaked and stuff, and scared the kitty I was holding. He was maybe 11? He unnerved me a tad.
And then this other kid, maybe around 11 as well, I didn't really talk to, but I observed him. I thought he was weird, always in his own world, flapping his hands, getting teased. I didn't know he was autistic at the time.
And the third kid, I didn't know was autistic. He was maybe was 6 or so? He was really cute. He would run away if you approached him, and didn't talk or smile...Just stood and rocked by himself all the time. He once walked up to me and smiled at me, it was one of the few times I ever actually thought "awwww, what a heartmeltingly cute child" XD.
And this other was this girl on the boat who was having a meltdown I believe. She wouldn't stop shrieking. It irritated me and I found her stupid.

But yeah. Those are the only autistics I'd ever met. They all have one thing in common, They stayed in my memory and I found them particularly interesting, and had strong emotions attached to them.

What was meeting someone with an ASD like? If you know anyone close or even if it's just a first impression, I'm interested about your thoughts. I would love to meet some sometime. And see how I react now I am educated.

By the way, please don't take any offense at things I said, like saying I found them stupid. I was uneducated at the time, and I don't think they are stupid at all, now.

One of my best friends is an Aspie. I met him when he was 11 or so. At the time, he just came off as a little weird and awkward. Kinda nerdy-like. But I'm a bit of a nerd too, and we shared interests. We came together.

Initially awkward. You have to figure out how to communicate because your usual NT protocol won't work. You kind of feel things out and figure out how to get ideas across. After that, though, communication becomes more natural than it is with NTs, because both of your brains work in similar ways and you can start to use the similarities to your advantage. Depending on the person, you may hit it off and become friends, or just stay acquaintances, or possibly dislike each other; but communication itself tends to eventually become easier than NT/AS communication is.

Hmm, interesting. I sort of figured the first point must be true, but was unsure. That's nice about communication being easier, though.

When I met my ex, also an Aspie, the first time, we clicked like I'd never clicked with anyone before. I instantly had this weird feeling that he thought like me, and he later told me that he felt the same. He was the first other Aspie I'd ever met. We kind of glued ourselves to each other and ended up in a bit of a bubble, just the two of us, not paying attention to anything or anyone else - and this was before we became romantically involved! Needless to say, the conductor of the band we were playing in together was not too pleased! He threatened to split us up almost every rehearsal - although he never actually did. Maybe because he knew about my ex's AS and didn't want to upset him; maybe he figured it'd do me good to actually be talking to someone, rather than just sitting in the corner rubbing clarinet reeds together; maybe because we had exactly the same level of ability on the clarinet, and had a creepy knack of playing exactly the same - when one of us made a mistake, the other did exactly the same, and when we started early or late, we were always together with each other - so it was easier to tell us off when we were together!

Oh, I love friendships like that! I only had one in elementary school. It was amazing. I hope I can meet someone who is like that, and I can get romantically involved with. XD

I hope you find someone too. After the time I had with my ex, I feel like every Aspie girl should meet a nice Aspie guy.

But keep your sticky mitts off mine! I'm afraid I still cling onto the vain hope of salvaging what we had...

Thanks. . Why is he your ex? If it isnt rude to ask...

Oi! My mitts aren't sticky! And fear not. I won't . I hope you work it out, and end up feeling good, whatever the outcome.

No, it's not rude. That's what us girls are supposed to do, isn't it - yak about boys!

Well, it's a very long story, but basically, at the end of last year, when I got home from university, I was stressed, depressed, psychotic, and about to be assessed for AS. I got misdiagnosed with prodromal schizophrenia initially, and when I told my ex, he blamed my mum. That could be something to do with the fact that she doesn't believe in AS, but apart from that, it seemed to just come completely out of the blue. Anyway, a week later, we were meant to be going out for dinner and a movie, but instead, he had a complete freak-out at me, saying all this stuff about my mum being dangerous and insane, and how I had to "get out of there" before "something happened to me". I tried to talk to his mum, but she took his side and believed him, and it turned out he'd been like that all week, and she had a go at me and said I had to get my mum away from him and stop her doing to him whatever it was she was supposed to be doing to him. (At this stage in our relationship, he and my mum hadn't seen each other for about 8 months, when they were both polite and civil to each other and we all made stir-fry and watched Lord of the Rings.) I had a meltdown, and needless to say, the date was off. Then a week after that, he said it was just too stressful for him to be going out with me because of my mum, and said it was over.

I dunno... any advice? I tried to phone him, but he just handed the phone over to his mum who told me to call Youthline if I had any problems. We've e-mailed each other a few times, just the bare bones of e-mails, me telling him I had a dog and him telling me he's going to study software engineering at university. He ignores questions about how he's feeling and any mention of our relationship.



Girl-to-girl...is there any hope of salvaging this relationship?

(Sorry about the slow reply, by the way. Labradors falling asleep on one tend to delay things somewhat. They have a very soporific effect...)

Sorry, but I'm a bit confused about the story. Let me repeat how I heard it, and tell me if it's right.

So, you got misdiagnosed with Schizophrenia....And he blamed your mum? And then got mad at her, and just generally got mad. And then his mum joined him, and they both got mad at your mum, and you for defending her?

I think...His emotions are probably very confusing for him. I know that organising them right can be incredibly difficult and near impossible. It seems his reaction is very irrational-- Providing I understood correctly. Does he know you have AS, and not schizophrenia? He should.
And also, you need to find out if he wants to salvage the relationship, as well. If he doesn't, he won't be willing to work to understand his emotions, and doesn't care about you enough. If he does, he will be willing, but he's just backed off and all jumbled up about it right now. These things can take a while to sort out internally.
I would suggest being completely honest about it. Why don't you tell him you miss him, and your relationship? Ask him if he feels the same. If he does, ask him if you guys can patch this up together. Help him to understand that he needs to figure out his emotions, and reasons, and be honest with you.
DON'T get mad at him. That will just make him clam up more. And when telling him that he needs to do this, make sure you aren't saying it so it sounds like a personal attack or accusation. Remember, you want to help him, and your mutual relationship.
Basically, honesty is your only hope. His anger might make sense, or he may realise it's irrational, and you guys can forgive and forget. Give him some time to think it through. He can write it down, make a list or something.
And help him to understand that your mothers shouldn't affect your own personal relationship.

I really hope I helped! And don't worry about your doggy making your reply late. It's a forum, thats fine.

Yup, that's the story. I've told him that I've now been rediagnosed with AS and psychosis NOS. He didn't say much, just asked if it meant I'd get help at uni. So he does know. But by the sound of his e-mails, he either can't be bothered with me, or he's just avoiding the issue and pretending our relationship never happened. I think you could be right about the sounding accusatory thing, though. Maybe I'll just wait and see if he brings it up.

Thanks! That seems like very sensible advice...

As soon as I get the internal network working again, I'm going to post a picture of my doggy! Just 'coz I can't resist showing her off!

it has been different every time. i don't necc. have everything in common with every aspie I have ever met. I am very liberal and athiestic, and for some reason, I have happened to meet a lot of christian and conservative aspies...for example.

You know how in some cartoons, the character comes across a tribe of people that looks extactaly like them and are esentaly tiny clones of that character and who worship the character as their god? Well, for years that was my interpertation of other people with AS.

I eventaly found out this young teenage boy I had always suspected of having AS to actualy indeed have it. I felt as if I was meeting anybody else. Unless a person has the same intrests, same veiwpoints, etc. I feel as if I am just meeting another everyday person, the fact that they supposedly have AS is of no more signifiance than the color of their hair. I'd pretty much have to meet a clone of myself to be impressed and I learned as LONG time ago that there is only ONE PunkyKat.

I found out a couple years ago that my friend has AS. After all, there were some tell-tale signs that I now see.

Spazz.. You first impressions of an autistic person are probably similar to that of an NT who knows nothing about the condition. They may be in their own world, or they may be doing something deeper. I have been looking blankly in one direction heavy under thought and people would presume I am in my own world or something similar.

I can only say that relationships while living at home are not ideal. One of them has to get somewhere to live and have some space away from parents and be free to say or do whatever

I went to a school where a lot of the kids were autistic (or had other problems) and they were pretty much all different.
Some seemed sort of normal but had trouble controlling themselves, some stayed in their own world (I never paid much attention to those ones but I did see once or twice that they were smarter than they acted, and now from being on WP I've learned more about the quiet types and how they're not as they appear :3 ) and some were really awkward but still interacted.
(I think I was in the first group and maybe partly in the third.)
Some were friendly, some were jerks, some were REALLY annoying, some were sweet and innocent, some were irritable, some were fantastic and some just slept all day.

Other than that I'd have to describe them individually because they were all different!

I've been attending a couple local ASD support groups over the last few months. The members vary widely in their personalities. Some are very easy to talk with - we have common experiences & common interests. Some keep pretty much to themselves, so I really haven't had a chance to get to know them. A few are maybe *too much* like me - and we tend to clash (so I try to keep my distance.)

I think it's interesting that I knew one of these people before I knew anything about Asperger's Syndrome. There are only about 20 people in both groups combined - and the person is a woman (about a third of the members are women, by the way.) That indicates to me that autistic spectrum disorders among adults (and especially among adult women) are under-reported.

Both of these groups are for adults & I would say that the average age of the membership is about 30 - with ages ranging from 18 to over 60. I don't notice any particular grouping based on age - everyone tends to treat everyone else as equals. Some of the younger members are more independent than some of the older members, but usually it's the other way around (as I would have guessed - more life experience translates to more effective coping skills.)

I find it quite easy to socialize in these groups - not much small-talk, lots of interesting topics to discuss at length. I also find that it wears me out. A room full of people is a room full of people - it doesn't matter whether they are NT or Aspie.