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MONIQUEIJ
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20 May 2010, 10:18 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAXc7QE-f7E[/youtube]



CockneyRebel
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20 May 2010, 10:27 pm

My Dx is a gift, because I've learned not to hurt others, because I've been hurt so many times, in my life, in many ways, by so many people.


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IdahoRose
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20 May 2010, 10:50 pm

My diagnosis is a disorder, because I'm not high functioning enough to be able to do the things that most of the adults my age do, and it makes me frustrated sometimes.



Callista
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20 May 2010, 11:31 pm

Both.

I am who I am, and I wouldn't want to be anyone different. Being a part of a minority group gives me a perspective most people don't have. I am moderately disabled as a result of autism; but once you start to realize that disability is neutral, not intrinsically negative, you stop worrying about that part of it.

Self pity doesn't really work if you find yourself admitting that what you're supposed to be pitying yourself for isn't a valid reason for pity to begin with... and disability isn't a valid reason for pity. For me or anyone else.

Incidentally, would someone mind typing out the text on that video? some of the colors are making my head spin. :(


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20 May 2010, 11:41 pm

Yes it is both a gift and a disorder. The above average abilities I have in the areas of my obsessions give me a very good living. I get paid for doing the same things I do for free after work. It is like I go to work to play, and visit with people, Several of my projects have been used as a standard across the country.I save money in the bank because my wants and needs are simple and don't come near what I make at work. I have more of the physical and entertainment things in life than I need.

Even though I am near 50 years old my favorite toys are still my bicycle, kites, and remote controlled cars. I am successful enough to be able to play with some of my toys at work, No one looks twice at me paying with a slinky or magnets while I check my email, or watching cartoons on TV in my office while I am putting projects together.

The trade off is that I am not very good with people. I get taken advantage of sometimes and am often misunderstood. I am lonely because my relationships don't seem to last. My friends have all ended up being users, playing me to to steal from me, or use what I have or can rent. When I wanted or needed anything, they would make excuses or disappear. I wish I had friends outside of work. My romantic relationships don't last. Women think I am a good catch because I have a good job, and have a stable and caring personalty. I enjoy museums, theater, and travel, but after a few years they get tired of living with a man with the emotions and interests of a teenager. I wish the women would not break my heart and leave me.

Overall I am happy with my life. I have ups and downs like anyone else. I will continue to find friends that use me, and keep hoping I find a few that wont. I will continue to find women who love me for a couple of years before they break my heart, and hope the relationship lasts. It is my life.


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nick007
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21 May 2010, 12:25 am

I do not consider it a gift or a disorder; it's who I am & I can not change that. The disorder is because others do not understand. Mental things that go against the so-called norm are usually considered disorders by others


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Danielismyname
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21 May 2010, 12:47 am

Pretty much what IdahoRose said.

I don't get frustrated though.



poopylungstuffing
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21 May 2010, 12:58 am

disorderly gift?
Parts of it are definitely frustrating...but it has sent me down a relatively interesting path that I shouldn't take for granted.
I shouldn't mind that fact that most people my age act like adults and I am still a kid.
I don't want to have to socialize with all the people who I technically employ but am not on speaking terms with, but i wish there could be more of an understanding as to the reason why, as the communication blockage seems to create a barrier of intimidation and misunderstanding that perpetuates my inability to talk to them.



bee33
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21 May 2010, 1:24 am

It's hard to say exactly what parts of myself are due to my mild AS and what are not. Would I be less academically gifted if I did not have AS? I don't know, and although it hasn't gotten me a job or any financial rewards, I wouldn't want to give up my ability to think clearly and to reason. On the other hand, it's one of the things that has gotten me in trouble with other people, because they felt intimidated. The social problems I've had I would gladly do without. I've been made into a pariah on more than one occasion when I didn't understand the subtlety of the circumstances, and that was so painful I would be glad if I could have avoided it.

Like Callista, it gives me perspective, and like Mudboy my needs are very simple.



Who_Am_I
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21 May 2010, 1:52 am

I wouldn't have sought and obtained a diagnosis if it wasn't a disorder. However, I'm pretty sure that many of the things I'm good at are the flip side of that, as I can see the same traits contributing to both disadvantages and advantages that my brain possesses.


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Freak_Contagion
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21 May 2010, 1:53 am

I like being an Aspie, but it has it's downsides too. Something about it, and all of what I've been going through, has made me less afraid to be different, but more depressed about being rejected sometimes. I guess the latter has come up gradually, after a while of the former. It makes me realize I don't connect that well to anyone, and the more I'm unafraid to be myself, the more I turn into a freak (Not just to others, but the more I'm okay with being strange, the more I start to get even stranger than that.) that no one understands. I hope it's contagious, 'cause I'm getting bored and going nuts at the same time some days lately. =P


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melbi
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21 May 2010, 3:08 am

I don't know.
Sometimes when I encounter difficulties due to AS, I got so angry at AS and I wish I don't have it.
But if there's a pill to "remove" AS, I don't want to take it...
I enjoy myself the way I am after I accepted the diagnose...this is me...it's not perfect...and it is the imperfection that makes life so special and beautiful...



LabPet
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21 May 2010, 3:30 am

It's a disordered gift.



leejosepho
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21 May 2010, 3:56 am

poopylungstuffing wrote:
disorderly gift?


How about saying some of us are "giftedly disordered"?!

Having just moved 900 miles, I now find myself in a small southern-usa town where only a very few people so far have bothered to even seem to care or to at least notice I do happen to exist ... and I just cannot think of any good reason for wishing I could be like all the rest! But because I certainly do desire some sense of "belonging" or at least a bit of acceptance wherever I might be, I am making conscious efforts to "introduce myself" and get to know others ... and I am doing that while being exactly as I am. With neighbors I have met and with others I have interviewed and/or employed for doing some yard work, plumbing, aligning my satellite dish or whatever else, I ask people whether they have seen "Rain Man" ... then I tell them I am a bit different but still "on the spectrum" ... and within the next minute or so I can usually figure out whether or not I want to spend any more time attempting to establish any kind of connection or relationship with whoever might presently happen to be in front of me.

If my AS/HFA actually is a "gift", that is because it protects me within a world full of disordered people.


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Callista
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21 May 2010, 7:36 am

Freak_Contagion wrote:
I like being an Aspie, but it has it's downsides too. Something about it, and all of what I've been going through, has made me less afraid to be different, but more depressed about being rejected sometimes. I guess the latter has come up gradually, after a while of the former. It makes me realize I don't connect that well to anyone, and the more I'm unafraid to be myself, the more I turn into a freak (Not just to others, but the more I'm okay with being strange, the more I start to get even stranger than that.) that no one understands. I hope it's contagious, 'cause I'm getting bored and going nuts at the same time some days lately. =P
Would you rather be a happy freak, or an unhappy, neurotic imitation of typical?

Sooner or later, you're gonna have to make a decision: Am I going to let myself be myself, and clearly define exactly which concessions I'll make to the NTs around me? Or will I go back to trying to imitate typical people, and risk losing my own identity and my own happiness?

Me, I'd rather be a happy freak. People aren't meant to be incarnations of the average, anyway.


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21 May 2010, 8:23 am

a giftorder. (joke?)

i do not know. i have been autistic ever since i entered existence, so it is impossible to tell what i would have been like if i was not autistic.
i neither thank nor blame my autism for anything that is characteristic of me.

one talent i have is being able to instantly think of programmatic structures that will satisfy expectations of people who need systems written to facilitate their businesses.
once i have been told what they want, i can start writing the code, and i have in my mind every line and module that will be needed to complete the exercise without having to think about how to do it. this may be partly due to my autism or it may be due to the way i think regardless of autistic influence.
on the other hand, i can be shown how to tie a simple knot, and i can not repeat the steps no matter how carefully and slowly it is demonstrated to me. is this an innate neuronal mal-adaptation for that type of procedure, or is it an obstacle imposed upon me due to my autism?

i never feel lonely and i am nearly always alone, so i am lucky i do not feel loneliness. is it because of autism, or am i inherently an unfriendly person?

i can see that many of my characteristics are probably attributable to autism, but they are only a small part of my being. eye contact difficulties and extreme sensory sensitivity and inability to grasp abstraction, and feeling devoid of influence by others emotional states is probably due to my autism.

i do not care about any of those things except for the sensory problems which i wish i did not have to endure.

i am seen as completely aloof and not in the world of humanity, but it does not make me feel anything about it. if i were at a carnival and walked through a wood choppers tent, and they all asked me to join in, i would say "sorry i am just passing through. thanks anyway" and i would continue on my way.
that is what i feel like in this life of mine.

sorry, i am not good at explaining things so i will just say that being autistic means nothing to me. the only time i think about my autism is when i am on this site. i like to see other people who are supposed to be similar to me, because i hope i can then see me from an external perspective (although it is not a great interest of mine).

it is like if all my mirrors in my house were so dirty that i could not see my face in them, i would not care while i am at home, but if i go out, then i can see other peoples faces and i know i must look a bit like other people i see because they are supposed to be humans too.

but i do not really know what i look like, because i can not see myself from the outside. (that was a metaphorical analogy to my "soul").

it is not a gift i can hand back, and it is not a disorder that i can tidy up.
it just is, and when i die it will no longer be.