Living Life WITHOUT Autism

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Perhaps you are very mild like me, or perhaps not. But, have you ever tried to live life completely without Autism? Obviously, everyone has in some ways before finding out they have it. But after finding out, has anyone made the decision to try and live as though they do not have Autism? How did it go? What was it like?

I ended up in the mental ward. Twice.

Trying to pretend to be normal took up so much brain power that I had a total breakdown and became unable to take care of myself. I was hospitalized because of a severe problem with self-injury.

If you've ever studied depression, you've probably encountered the "inescapable stress" model: People who are under stress, and can't do anything about it, tend to lose hope. That's exactly what happened to me. I had no way of getting out of the "you must act NT" restriction and the whole world was pushing me so hard that I used up all my reserves and then started hurting myself to get myself into "emergency mode". Eventually, even that reserve ran out, so I had nothing left.

Acting like myself works better. I can do much more, be much more efficient, and be much happier.

I've almost ended up in the psych ward twice, doing that.

I do not think it's possible for me to live or even pretend I do not have anything wrong/different about me because it is part of who I am. If I did not have AS; I would have a different personality, different strengths & different weaknesses; I would NOT be me; I would be someone else

What's living without Autism?

Exactly my thoughts!

If you mean pretending you don't have it, yeah. I did it all of my life before I knew I had it. I know that might sound odd, but it's true. I knew there was SOMETHING different, I just didn't know what it was, so I just pretended I was like everyone else.

Didn't work out so well. Ignoring reality doesn't usually do well for anyone.

Maybe someone will make a documentary about it like they always do with living with Autism.

That'd be interesting. :P

Yeah, I did it for the 45 years previous to discovering that I was autistic... and let's see... it put me in the hospital once, killed my career, put me on a lifetime of medications, detroyed my relationships...

yeah, it didn't work out very well.

Uh, yeah, why not try living life as a man? It's about as likely to be successful, and sounds like it would be about as difficult. Also, it would be about as pointless.

Or-- oh, hey, why not try living life as a Japanese person? You know, ignoring the fact that that's something you're born as.

I tried my best to appear normal forcing myself to look at lips and foreheads when talking to people. But my talking about special intrests always made me seem eccentric and gave my weirdness away. The only thing that saved me was my skills at metal finishing and how funny I could be saying off the wall stuff the other employees thought was insane but funny. When they had to let me go they made several attempts to pick up new contracts that had a lot of polishing work so they could keep me but they fell through. They tried to make me a machine operator but my anxiety I get from being around big loud machines made me move as slow as a slug. At least they tried, it was good to know someone at least made an attempt to keep me around. Forcing normalcy on that job made me friends but made me a nervous wreck also. You would not believe how many times I had to hide in the bathroom to get my composure so they would not see me get upset over what my fellow employees would see as nothing thinking I was crazy.

Let me see. While pretending to be normal I was put in a mental hospital, emotionally and physically abused, had 8 years of miserable marriage(things are slowly getting better), no friends, a not very close relationship with my daughter which I'm working on.

I have AS finding out has meant if I need to stim I can and do. I'm happier and have engaged in a new interest/changed careers and I now feel that my life will have meaning and I will be helping people. People no longer expect things of me that I can't do. I'm just myself now and I'm ok with that. Plus the sting of having an autistic child is gone. It's brought the happiness I had in having children back to me. So ok I'm not NT but neither are my babies.....

I have a mild case and was very recently self-diagnosed. Trying to be like my neurotypical friends in college and failing led me to the worst depression of my life. Accept who you are and love it!

The only good thing that came out of my "neurotypical" life is the experiences I gained that I would not have taken advantage if I knew I was an aspie. These give me a way to relate to people for about ten/fifteen minutes which is important if you are in a service related profession.

Overall though, making accommodations for my "aspie"-ness has made my life so much more a pleasure despite missed experiences. Whats the point on going on to a party or a spring break vacation if you feel drained the whole time?

I have the ability to completely escape into books/movies/media; I can travel the world from my own couch with my active imagination. I am content living in a fantasy world; why pretend otherwise? I have to some degree live in the real world, but given the option, I choose to escape into my own world.

+1

'Mild' - I never get tired of that 'its hardly affecting me at all' denial. Hey, "I'm almost Normal" - your shoes are untied.


As some have already mentioned, those of us not diagnosed until middle age lived decades 'completely without (a diagnosis of) Autism. It doesn't mean you don't have it, it just means you don't speak its name, the only difference between the two is, if you don't call it what it is, then everybody around you just thinks you're a freakin' weirdo dork. Not calling your condition and resultant behaviors Autism doesn't change who you are.

You can't wish your hardwired neurological condition away with positive thinking. Your brain is physically configured differently than the norm and there's nothing in Heaven or Earth that can change that. The fact that you have a deficiency in reading noverbal social cues and seeing the world the same way neurotypical individuals do affects EVERYTHING YOU DO - the way you think, the way you behave, the way you react to sensory input and emotions, the way you analyze data - everything, whether you are consciously aware of it or not.

You may have developed such smooth coping mechanisms that you disguise your condition extremely well, but its not gone - just hidden - and the exertion of keeping that mask up takes a serious toll over time. Good luck with that.