"Push-Pull" relationship with other people?

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This came up when I was discussing with a nurse who was a bit more knowledgeable with AS, trying to figure things out.

"Push-Pull" regarding my AS (or whatever it is...) seems to accurately describe it. I want to be out there with more friends, but at the exact same time, I don't want to. I want to [be able to] socialize with others, but at the same time, I don't want to get out there. It's difficult to describe - it's how my relationship with my parents also ends up. I want to appreciate what my parents have done for me, but at the same time, I can't bring myself to accept them for whatever reason. There's still repelling.

Simultaneously - want and don't want. Push-Pull. I want them - no wait, get away from me.

It's also possible that this was a mix of AS and Depression, or other issues, but does this sound familiar to anyone?

I have experienced the same. I would go out to clubs. Once I got there, I wanted to be back home creating something and felt ashamed for wasting so much time. When I was at home, sometimes I was creative. Other times, I wanted to be out doing something that involved movement and activity. I was seldom satisfied living in the moment. You could say I was a dreamer. Maybe, I'm not the only one.

I always thought that was a normal relationship dynamic, but since learning about my AS, I think it might actually be an AS trait... I don't know. All I know is that as far as relationships of all kinds go, I'm still not very good at them.

What I do know is that you're not the only one, Ana.

When I was little, I was playing a game with a group of other kids. The game was Fire and Water. You secretly chose one person to be your fire, and one to be your water. You always wanted to keep your water between you and your fire. Everyone had to guess everyone else's fire and water.

One thing you could do was designate the same person to be both. I was reminded of this when I read your post.

A horseshoe magnet attracts and repels.

Some persons think in terms of pros and cons (+ and -).

Other persons think in terms of pros, neutrals, and cons (+ - 0 - - )(plus, neutral, minus).

A car can go forward, be in neutral, or go backwards.

There are good choices, neutral choices, and poor choices.

About making decisions:

http://www.mindtools.com/pages/main/newMN_TED.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decision_making

I was actually thinking about this today...and the way I was describing it (inside my own mind) was that I'm like a cat: always on the wrong side of ever door. When I'm not socializing, I want out, but when I'm socializing, I want back in.

_________________
Official diagnosis: ADHD, synesthesia. Aspie quiz result (unofficial test): Like Frodo--I'm a halfling? 110/200 NT, 109/200 Aspie.

I'm reading two different things here: (1) dealing with overstimulation in a "social" setting, and (2) dealing with BS in a "social" setting. Am I right? The first has to do with neurology as such, sensory overload etc. The second has to do with NTs' "typical" approach to socializing, and what little sense it makes to us(!). Are they two different things, or aspects of the same thing, or something else?

---Pete

You know, I was just thinking about this, but without the terminology you've used.

I want positive relationships with people, but I ignore opportunities. I want to do more with my life, but I don't take the initiative. So much that I want, I'm confused as to how to make it happen, and afraid of what could go wrong.

In a similar way, I crave organization, but I won't make it happen myself. I crave to do something different from time to time, but I end up falling into predictable behavior.

Though, like the analogy above about the cat always being on the wrong side of the door, it's a challenge to know what you really want in some cases.

I have a few good friends that I hang out with. I enjoy being with them. The thing is, that when the driver wants to stay home, I might have the other best friend, at my place. She also demands a lot of attention. I sit there, all through movies that I play for her, wishing that I had the place to myself, so that I can post on here and listen to my music.

yep i got that too i just do more of the closing out everything everyone rather then wanting others to talk to. it's really bad with my bro and dad 99% of the time i'd rather not even see them.

i'm better with my mom, i actually like to talk to her 50% of the time.

my grandma is the one i'm the most attached to though it still bothers me to have to share my bathroom with her. i'm more of 20% detachment.

what i hate is my dad always trying to push his way into my life, i put the walls up for a danged reason. he's as bad as my bro's cat. i don't like to even see that cat around but he always bothers me.

i hate being asked what i'm eating, what i'm doing, or how i am.

what am i eating? gee look at the plate it ain't that hard is it.

what i'm doing? gee should that be obvious at first glance.

how am i? gee if i'm alive and not dead i'm fine.

can't nts stop with the stupid obvious questions that could be answered at first glance.

sorry rant had to get that out.