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Aspieallien
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11 Nov 2010, 5:15 am

Do you tend to act awkward and inferior because you have come to believe that you are.
I find I am acting out the image and role projected at me by peoples prejudice toward me. This makes you develop a stong negative belief system in yourself that radiates through your persona.

Does anyone experience this, if so any ideas how to deal with it and reprogram personel beliefs.



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11 Nov 2010, 9:13 am

I tend to act very shy and timid in public because I often get the impression that people do not really want to interact with me.

There is a very small thing that helps me though. Most people tend to subconsciously contract the muscles at the back of their neck when they are uneasy. It's a natural part of our nonverbal social interactions. The funny thing is that by consciously stretching these muscles and holding my head in a position that is incleaned more to the front rather than the back, I can relax myself a bit. Ever since I found out about this, my little trick has helped me to stay calm in situations were lots of strange people are around me and it is very discreet to boot.


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wavefreak58
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11 Nov 2010, 9:42 am

This isn't an aspie thing, it's a human thing. But aspies are often programmed by the negative inputs of an NT world to believe they are inferior. So not only must we put effort into adapting to a highly socialized environment, we must also resist the programming foisted upon us by ignorance.



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11 Nov 2010, 9:49 am

Quote:
Does anyone experience this, if so any ideas how to deal with it and reprogram personel beliefs.


Used to, but I fixed a lot of the damage.

Mindfulness. Notice when you are behaving or thinking about yourself negatively. Substitute with positive action/thought.


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Aspieallien
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11 Nov 2010, 3:50 pm

wavefreak58 wrote:
This isn't an aspie thing, it's a human thing. But aspies are often programmed by the negative inputs of an NT world to believe they are inferior


Thanks all for the suggestions,

Yes it isn't just an aspie thing I know, this tends to be human bahaviour. But I believe this is experienced mostly by aspies because of the bullying directed towards aspies.
It is really hard to control as it is so automatic. I don't have any feelings of inferiority when around welcoming people though. It seems to trigger with very subtle reactions in people around me.



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11 Nov 2010, 3:52 pm

I feel the very opposite.



CockneyRebel
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11 Nov 2010, 4:07 pm

I was like that as a teenager, but I'm not now.

When I was 15, I kept bugging my parents to let me babysit and make money outside the house, so that I could feel important, for once in my life. My 12 year old sister was babysitting and I didn't want to feel like a Useless Eater my entire life. My dad got sick of my bugging and asking, so he decided to put me in an ugly little box. These were his exact words to me...

"There are a lot of things that other people can do that you will never be able to do, and part of it is because you have a Learning Disability."

I started crying my eyes out, like I've never cried before.

Two days later, I told myself that my dad was right and that I might as well become a hippie, because hippies don't have jobs. Needless to say, I became a hippie and turned against my favourite British musicians for a few years, until I was 18 going on 19.


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11 Nov 2010, 4:28 pm

I think you need to find something that you're good at and then practice it so that you can show yourself that you are not inferior. That will carry over when you are around other people. If someone seems dismissive of you you can always think, "Well, you don't know my talents and strengths." I don't have any doubt that there are things you are good at. They don't have to be major accomplishments, just anything you enjoy and can become proficient at doing.



Aspieallien
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11 Nov 2010, 4:33 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I was like that as a teenager, but I'm not now.

When I was 15, I kept bugging my parents to let me babysit and make money outside the house, so that I could feel important, for once in my life. My 12 year old sister was babysitting and I didn't want to feel like a Useless Eater my entire life. My dad got sick of my bugging and asking, so he decided to put me in an ugly little box. These were his exact words to me...

"There are a lot of things that other people can do that you will never be able to do, and part of it is because you have a Learning Disability."

I started crying my eyes out, like I've never cried before.

Two days later, I told myself that my dad was right and that I might as well become a hippie, because hippies don't have jobs. Needless to say, I became a hippie and turned against my favourite British musicians for a few years, until I was 18 going on 19.


I have felt this to an extent with my family to, but not as direct and utterly hurtful as you have just described. Anyone would cry their heart out at that, particularly from a parent.
My son is on the spectrum to so I make it my duty to say as many positive things to him as I can to build him up. I do believe a lot of the problems aspies face is due to the self image created by hurtfull comments and pejudice.



Aspieallien
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11 Nov 2010, 4:42 pm

bee33 wrote:
I think you need to find something that you're good at and then practice it so that you can show yourself that you are not inferior. That will carry over when you are around other people. If someone seems dismissive of you you can always think, "Well, you don't know my talents and strengths." I don't have any doubt that there are things you are good at. They don't have to be major accomplishments, just anything you enjoy and can become proficient at doing.


The thing is I am really good at a lot of things, Nearly genius in some. I play a musical instrument, which I have tutored others, restore vintage radios, design and build model aircraft ,sketch and many more. I can turn my hand to anything with the confidence to expect success. Somehow the negative experience with people offset all of this, so I act the shy victom attracting bullying, and so confirming my negative beliefs.



Last edited by Aspieallien on 11 Nov 2010, 6:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

bee33
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11 Nov 2010, 5:40 pm

Aspieallien wrote:
bee33 wrote:
I think you need to find something that you're good at and then practice it so that you can show yourself that you are not inferior. That will carry over when you are around other people. If someone seems dismissive of you you can always think, "Well, you don't know my talents and strengths." I don't have any doubt that there are things you are good at. They don't have to be major accomplishments, just anything you enjoy and can become proficient at doing.


The thing is I am really good at a lot of things, Nearly geius in some. I play a musical instrument, which I have tutored others, restore vintage radios, design and build model aircraft ,sketch and many more. I can turn my hand to anything with the confidence to expect success. Somehow the negative experience with people offset all of this, so I act the shy victom attracting bullying, and so confirming my negative beliefs.
I'm sorry that your talents haven't been able to offset your negative feelings. I still think it might be something worth trying to to tap into. Not many people would measure up to the degree of talent that you possess. I realize there's a big difference, though, between being able to play instruments and design complex machines and being able to carry on a conversation or feel accepted by other people.



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