Friends and Relationship problems. Help please?

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I'm not to sure how to describe this apart from a bit contradicting (I'll get into details later)

Basically I have known a group of girls from another town for a while, we are close friends (As far as friends go in my case). They are all best-friends with my ex who decided we should just stay friends (See the pattern?). Anyways I kinda like one of them, she knows it cause I asked her out. She said no, because she was into her IT technician, as I said I will get into details soon.

Anyways (Contradicting part coming up) another boy from that school has aspergers like me. We also both like the same girl. Both being aspies, we got over that problem easily, it would seem. But this girls best-friend (My friend too) hates this boy, and says the girl hates him too, which may or may not be true since I find it hard to know whos on whos side now. So this boy with aspergers says that I can "have the girl" if I want since he has no chance, I understand what he means well enough. Problem is I think she doesn't like me anymore, for being friends with this boy, and because I asked her out and she said no.

So recently the girls best friend and the boy were arguing and I tried to stop them, tried to sort things out. Now the boy still likes me as a friend, I think the girl I like has lost a lot of respect for me, and the OTHER girl (The girl I like's best friend) probably lost respect for me too. The thing is though, if I don't act like I'm taking sides with the boy, they may like me again. They aren't slags or b*****s or anything (I'm being serious, they aren't pricks) and I DO want to be friends with them, but that means I will have to stop being friends with the boy with aspergers.

Also the girl I like is apparently over her crush on her IT techie (I call them that because I have no respect for them) and would probably say yes if I didn't ask her already, or be friends with this other boy. The other boy I haven't known for long (A few days really) but we have a lot in common.

I guess what I am really asking is, should I be friends with this boy, who I am like, and lose the chance with this girl, or side with the girls and lose the boy who I am like? I would get into serious details about them but I respect confidentiality... Any help on the matter? And please hurry with your replies, I don't know how long I can remain "neutral" without someone getting permanently angry and upset at me

wow, boys and girls... I still muddle over this one every day.

let me see.

I suggest talking to your asperger guy friend about this, and suggesting that you guys hang out together when the girls are not there. That way you can spend time together without the girls, and develop your friendship. This is logical and he can understand this.

At other times, you can interact with the girls, including the one you like, without having your buddy there too. When the girls see that you are not with him *all* the time (ie. "on his side"), they will feel better.


I understand what you mean, thinking that the girls have lost respect for you because you got inbetween them arguing with the other guy. However, I don't think that girls are so definite about romantically liking/not liking a guy. Girls are usually more in the middle, where they *both like and dislike someone*, and spend a LOT of time talking/processing this with their girlfriends.
So, the girl likes you and dislikes you, simultaneously. The goal is to get the levels of "like" high enough that she will go out with you, yes?

The main factors that increase a girl's "like" levels are TIME and FAMILIARITY... which is why it is a good idea to spend time with the girls, so they get used to having you around. When they are more comfortable with you, your guy friend (who is currently out of favour with the girls?) can be re-introduced to the social circle, and you should have better luck all hanging out together.

well, those are my ideas. Hope that helps and good luck!
cheers
j

No matter what you do now, the girls will eventually dump you and/or stab you in the back. The Aspie won't. Proceed accordingly.

Thinking long term... Not many people marry their school sweetheart. Any relationship with the girl will likely be short. It sounds like a flaky start TBH. The friendship could be short term too, but friendships are easier to maintain than romantic relationships... so maybe easier to have long term. Having a close friend; that ACTUALLY understands the AS related stuff you go through would be very beneficial (really wished I had that during my transition into adulthood... and now).

Kind of what I was trying to say... but I wanted to be PC; since I have guy parts and would get flamed for saying the same thing.

So, do you want to take a risk, or go for the safer bet? Taking a risk is good to do once in a while, but only if the potential reward is good enough. It seems like it's a big risk, and the reward isn't worth much, even if there was a rat's chance in hell you could get with her. If she is going to get mad at you for being friends with someone SHE disapproves of, imagine how your relationship will be. I'm not saying it will be like that, I'm saying imagine. Think of the risk here. Now, I understand your dilemma, and it's very tough. In fact, I'll bet you want to choose her, and you want any excuse to do so, even though your intuition is telling you to stick with the Asperger's boy. So you posted it here, hoping someone will offer you a magic solution to get the girl and run off like Prince Charming. Now, sure, I'm going over the top, but isn't that how you fantasize it in your head? I've done it before, we all have. Take the safe bet. Kind of like in American football. Do you take the field goal on 4th down, or go for the touchdown? The girls sound like slags to me, but I don't know them. I just know that I've seen other guys go down that road, and it's a dead end. I've driven on that road before, and it's bumpy.

If you want to PM me, then go ahead. You know, confidentiality and all that.

School relationships are completely dumb in my point of view, you don't know how long it will last and if she doesn't like your aspie friend she isn't worth getting into a relationship with. Honestly I wouldn't date someone who has a problem with my friends because it just causes way too much problems in the long run.

I agree with Molly.

Shadi

Trust me, these girls aren't slags.

Also I don't think I gave much info on THEIR relationship... I have known these girls for about a year now, and the lad for a few days. Also the girl admitted to liking me and I feel I'm only being friends with the lad because he has aspergers and understands me.

hey again angryboy2k10

I reiterate my original advice: it IS possible to be friends with people who don't like each other, just don't expect to mix them together!

Think of it as a small puzzle in logic:

I like to eat chocolate icecream.
I also like to eat beef curry.
But if I mixed these together it would taste gross.
Does that mean it is wrong to eat the chocolate icecream? No.
Does that mean it is wrong to eat the beef curry? No.
Do I even need to choose one food over another? No.
The solution is to eat these foods at seperate times.


cheers