post a social mistake you're perseverating on

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I have a bad after taste of a social occasion in my mouth right now (speaking figuratively). It was Passover , a major Jewish holiday (and I'm Jewish) tonight and I got together with family and family friends that I don’t see very often. I talked about my thesis and school to one person and did not ask her any questions about herself. I didn't talk to enough other people. I cringed when my stepmother touched me and moved away and I didn't thank her for dinner (although I did thank my dad). This keeps replaying like a stuck record in my head so I needed to get it out.

Does anyone else have social anxiety like this? It seems to happen whenever I attend a group social event like this. What social mistake are you perseverating on or what was your latest one?

An acquaintance of mine (an aspie) calls it "grading". I think everyone does that, not just us.

The social mistake I've never been able to forget is from when I was 15. In the dojo, I was an older student in the teens class, so Sensei would sometimes come to me for various reasons, including, on occasion, advice. She asked if she was being too aggressive with a certain younger student, and I simply replied "Yes" and she laughed and moved on.

I didn't realize until later, when an adult student pointed it out to me, that what I'd said was pretty offensive. Turns out Sensei enjoyed a lot of my aspie traits, though, so it ended up being a non-issue. It still sticks with me, though.

My weed dealer arrived at my house before my friends who were buying arrived, so I invited him to smoke a bowl...I had only smoked with him once before and I wasn't the host then. I examine the weed and say "Mmm, fine specimen" and he laughs...it seemed like he was laughing at me because he looked at his friend when he laughed rather than me. But I was being eccentric on purpose. I ask his friend for a cigarette (I don't smoke; I just like the feeling of inhaling smoke into my lungs so I bum the occasional cig) and he laughs, because apparently I said it like "Can I have a cigarette?" Then I asked the friend "Your parents are pretty wealthy, right?" and then forgot why I asked. Awkward.

I look back and think, eh, I probably just seemed eccentric and very stoned, he was stoned too and won't remember it well, and he's not my friend, so what does it matter? I still thought about it for a week after, it was embarrassing.

Weed magnifies the social shortcomings a bit, but it also gives NTs a more Aspie-like mindset; introspective, self-conscious, avoiding eye contact, etc. Happy 4/20!

I worked really hard over the last two years so things are going okay for me--more than okay, actually--but it seems like people can still tell that I have AS. I'm a college student, too... embarrassing for me. My Russian professor pulled me to the side the other week to explain some classroom dynamics to me.

I think the thing I need to work on most right now is thinking more before I speak, because I often say dumb things or don't have enough time to convert from pictures to words. I also need to remind myself to try to interpret body language instead of just ignoring it because it's hard. I can get the basics down okay pretty much all the time, but I have a hard time remembering to keep paying attention to everything. So tiring!


I make the sorts of mistakes you're talking about all the time, OP. Keep trying hard. It'll be okay.

Thanks for the last comment.

I make a lot mistakes in class too ............like going on and on with my questions/comments and dominating the class..............I've been asked to email my questions to the prof. I don't think in pictures though so there is no conversion process for me.

APPARENTLY I WAS TALKING TOO LOUD AT THE LAST SEDAR I WENT TO

I tried smoking pot and didn't like it because it made my anxiety worse..............it made me really paranoid. I have to admit though that it did give me an excuse for acting strangely..............some of your social mistakes/oddness get attributed to being "so stoned".

I sometimes forget that certain topics (like how much money someone/someones family makes) is off limits........I make this kind of social mistake too.

Well, at least you know you're not the only one.
Actually, students ARE encouraged to participate a lot in class. I haven't ran into much critism for doing so (other than the Psych class incident) but I'm thinking that if I ever do, I would always point out that it is supposed to be a GOOD thing to be very active in class.

I'm always talking too loud! I did this at a family dinner at a restaurant recently and was shushed very loudly by both my mom and aunt.

I tried to order something this morning. The sales rep told me that they no longer provided that service, and that they haven't provided that service for a long time. She was laughing at me at the time. She seemed to be a little condescending about my mistake. It's been bugging me all day. I know it's not that important; it's just a minor thing, but my mind keeps on reminding me about it.

Is that really pretty offensive? It seems a bit blunt to me me, but not that offensive.

Haha, you're welcome.

Yeah, I always have to ask my professors during office hours if I'm talking too much, and if what I'm saying is useful. This semester, things are going well with that, but one person I studied under got very upset because I knew more about her subject in certain respects than she did, and asked questions about it that made her uncomfortable. I guess she thought I was a "smart alec," or however you're supposed to spell that.

Well, you have to be very careful, but I definitely like college better than high school.

Hi MathGirl,

Well since we go to the same uni and I'm a psych major............maybe the psych department is particularly bothered by things like this? This has happened a few times in my courses..............I've been asked to "email my questions" or even to "give someone else a chance". I'm usually first encouraged to participate and then discouraged from continued participation because I don't know when to stop!

Have you tried asking the professors this exact thing, though (eg. "I thought students were encouraged to participate in class" or something among those lines"). I would expect the professor to then be, like, yes you should participate but you should give others a chance to speak, too. To which I would probably say, I have difficulty realizing that I have said too much in class/taking turns properly/something like that. One thing that could work is developing some kind of a signal system with your prof/TA, where the prof would give you some kind of a sign with their hand once you've spoken too much. That's just one thing that comes to mind. In my case, one TA was really nice, and the other TA had Asperger's, so he didn't push me much in the classroom etiquette department.

A good idea...............although usually when they make a comment like that I get embarrassed and then really really quiet.

I have flashbacks of everything that I have said, did, or had done to me since kindergarden even about having to go to the store to pick up some caffine free soda earlier today and I did not fake eye contact with the cashier. My brother said he noticed how nervous I made the cashier. They have self check out lines but I do not like using them for six packs of soda. I can usually fake a smile or eye contact. I even can say something funny but the place was packed with people and extremely noisey. My brother even apologized to me for making me go with him when he saw how full the parking lot.

A friends mom when I was in high school got pregnate when she was 42 so I told her she was at a high risk for having a child with down syndrome because of her age and her both sides of the family had children with downsyndrome. My friend told me his mom was a nervous wreck for the entire pregnacy because she knew I was always right.

I have had people compliment me for something I did and I did not hear them or even notice they were there. I have also pulled away from a girl who was a good friend of mine when her dad died and she tried to put her face on my shoulder as she was crying. I am very embarrassed of that one.

I have flashbacks as far back as kindergarten too................I remember following this girl around counting by different numbers.............