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BuckarooBanzai
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03 Jul 2011, 9:13 pm

I've always enjoyed walking but I find it somewhat stressful passing people. If it were just a quick glance and nod that'd be one thing, but frequently I can see a person walking towards me up to a quarter mile away, all that time anticipating the awkward glance and nod, where do I look until I'm close enough, it just stresses me out. Also, I really don't like eye contact, at least not with strangers. To me, looking into someone's eyes is like looking into their soul. I do NOT like others looking into my eyes unless they're a friend or family - strangers haven't earned the right. I know that sounds pretty extreme, but I'm definitely no NT, I have a problem with eye contact.

Sometimes I'll just look slightly in the other direction and won't even acknowledge others' walking, so far that's my favorite solution, but still stressful to me and then I'm likely being observed as an a**hole, and I don't want to offend anyone.

I wonder if NT people have this issue at all.

I'd love to know if any reading this have that issue, and how you handle it. It's the same in a grocerie store, social events, really anywhere there are lots of people. If I'm feeling really happy and in a good mood, the problem completely disappears, but I'm rarely that happy, I'm usually just even-keel and content.

Thoughts, opinions or advice?



btbnnyr
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03 Jul 2011, 9:35 pm

I find that if you just look straight ahead into the distance or slightly avert your eyes upwards and away or put on the unfocused Aspie Stare while you're passing, then no one will greet you or want to greet you. These are just strangers on the street, right? You can actively project this daydreamy "I'm off in my own world" look. I apparently project this look by default, because strangers never greet me if I don't greet them. I did an experiment just to find this out. It works. No one greeted me out of hundreds of trials.

Another thing is to wear a baseball cap pulled down over your eyes and pretend not to see people. Sunglasses are another good barrier to avoid meaningless greetings.



Todesking
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03 Jul 2011, 9:49 pm

I always try to look pissed off so people wont try to talk to me or think about messing with me. :wink:


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Ookla
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03 Jul 2011, 10:12 pm

Earbuds or headphones are useful. I've found that people are less likely to disturb me if I'm walking along listening to music. Even if I'm not in the mood for music, I wear the earbuds so that it looks like I'm listening to something.



BuckarooBanzai
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03 Jul 2011, 10:25 pm

All wonderful advice, thank you!
I have a sorta cowboy hat, that does help. I'll do the aspie-stare, I love that!
I think I may look pissed in general anyway, even when I'm not. Often times people look at me like I'm a freak, not sure if that's accurate, or just how I perceive it. It kinda hurts my feelings, but I guess accepting that I'm not normal is a step in the right direction. Earbuds, pissed, aspie-stare.

Thanks for the advice :)



ezekiel
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04 Jul 2011, 7:11 pm

Me too.

I noticed that the oncoming walkers in my neighborhood don't look at me until an exact distance (20 feet = 7 meters), and then they all say the exact same thing ("good morning"). So, I try to match that. Not easy but clearly there is a social protocol involved. It's hard not to say "hey" instead!



Keeno
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04 Jul 2011, 7:26 pm

It seems to depend on where you live, and its population density. As such, where I live, such greetings would not be customary in the first place.


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