in desperate need of assistance communicating with doctors

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I need some assistance.
I have medical issues that are in need of imminent attention, and I have a horrendous time communicating with doctors.
I do not know exactly how to describe it, but the "flow" of communication is different than when speaking to a social worker or even average person. I understand that doctors are extremely busy, but the absence of personalized listening skills that for most people would simply be an annoyance or not noticed at all is impossible for me to manage.
Also, I have experienced abuse and medical neglect at my local ER due to stigma ( I actually have a diagnoses of iatrogenic PTSD) and feel that I nee a doctor who will take this seriously and advocate for me in the case of hospitalization.
I had actually been seen a doctor who , upon learning my history, refused to take me as a patient but did take a few minutes to counsel me in basic new patient skills, cautioning me not to inform them of my bad associations with medical professionals at the outset, but instead let them gradually get to know me as a patient.
Because my anxiety was great, I ignored this common sense and placed everything on the table with the next doctor.
I actually asked her if she cared about my well being, and spent the bulk of several visits discussing my need for psychosocial measures that would help with what I felt were special needs. I had also become hysterical at her office.
I know I should not have gone alone, but my social worker refused to accompany me.
Also, I felt that in some way it was part of her job to strive ton meet my needs, even though I realized that it really wasn't
I also did some things, that , looking back, seemed downright rude , bizarre , and psychotic even, such as telling her that I did not feel that she was advocating for me strongly enough in certain areas, learning later that she had actually spent some of her own personal time doing so.
I have a hard time with caregivers, because in a sense I feel like they should be receptive to you whenever you express a concern or need, in the same way as a parent. When a doctor tells me no to anything, I become extremely fearful,.
This is because I am well read on medical subjects , and know the potential for error.
I try to present myself as simply wanting the best care and above all collaboration, but always end up using more time than the average patient. I simply don't know how to balance these things in the space of half an hour.
My doctor is basically letting me go, although this was initiated by me, and she is simply fulfilling her professional obligation in caring for my needs until someone else is found, since I have a rare life threatening condition.
I realize that in some ways I am looking for a doctor to fit an ideal that is rare, but I know that some people do have very trusting relationships with their doctors. I simply don't have the skills and/or fortune that have that manifest in my life.

Any advice would be appreciated

Before you go to the doctor, write down a list of things you would like to address at the appointment.

They just need to know what the symptoms you are having that need to be addressed are.

Your medical history, any pre-existing medical conditions, or allergies to medications should be in your file from the questionnaire you filled out at your first appointment.

Unless you are being treated for them with medication, non-psychiatric medical doctors generally don't need to hear about your psychiatric or psychological issues.

People generally don't need to know your in depth psychiatric or psychological history and you short change yourself by telling them sometimes because who you were in the past isn't necessarily who you will be in the present or future.

You can try typing out what you want the doctor to know ahead of time and print it to give to the doctor. This might help if you have a time frame of thirty minutes to explain what you are needing. You could give it to the nurse when you get to the doctor's office so the doctor could read it before she sees you. I don't know if this advice is useful or not.

I got the impression you have trouble explaining what you need in thirty minutes.

I agree.. write down whats bothering you before you go to the doctor. This way you can you can take the time to make sure you are being clear and not missing any key details.. without taking up too much of the doctors time.