Asperger's Dad from hell

Post Reply New Topic

Hello, I'm divorced from a man that I now realize has Asperger's as do many of his nephews and likely many other undiagnosed family members. My concern is that I have a 6 year old son that is beginning to suffer from his Dad's behaviors. Just recently his Dad publicly trampled his little baseball jersey into the mud, ruining it, because he mistakenly thought I intentionally put only his first name on the t shirt. He was angry that his last name was not on there. He felt free to verbally berate me for this and embarrass our little boy. He also smashed his batting helmet. The result was one heartbroken, confused little boy and one angry tearful mom. What can I do to help a six year old deal with these personality traits? I cannot approach my ex with this diagnosis without experiencing continued verbal abuse and harassment. Help and thank you.

He told me his actions didn't affect me when he had affairs. Now he says his actions didn't affect my son.

Are you sure you aren't dealing with a narcissist and not Asperger?

Why do you think he has AS?

Is he even diagnosed?

agreed.

Really? what here says he's a narcisist? All I see is a very possessive and angry dad.

Look up narcissism.

Berating- check
Not accepting responsibility for actions- check
No remorse- check
his lack of empathy comes across more as a personality disorder than the empathy problems Aspies have.

He sounds like a narcissist. That is NOT aspergers. People confuse the two because of the lack of empathy aspect but someone with aspergers does not have the same lack of empathy as a narcissist. It's more like the narcissist knows your feelings are hurt and doesn't care. The person with aspergers isn't aware your feelings are hurt but if you express your feelings and why they are hurt, the person with aspergers will apologize.

Could also be a sociopath.

Last edited by TheygoMew on 13 Aug 2011, 3:22 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The things you describe there seem to me more like personality traits.
Asperger doesn't mean you abuse people verbally or you harrass people. We have problems with social interactions, reading body language and understanding other people's emotions.

Maybe you can clear the problems between you both with a counselor or some other help. His behaviour surely affects your son. The relationship between father and son is important and it would be good if you can maintain it. I read a study about that and it's often much better to maintain the contact to violent parents (in case he really is) than to cut if off totally. Children feel abandoned and guilty even if they were abused by them. There's always the possibility to arrange meetings under the eye of a social worker or something like that. I don't know the father of your son so you seem to have a better view on him. I don't know if he can be insightful or if he is always unpredictable and freaks out about little things.
If he only freaked out due to the situation of being divorced it needs to be talked about that. Maybe he can't deal with that as well. But in the very worst don't expect your son to deal with a situation you are not even able to deal with as an adult.
I would suggest you to search for family support in your area and I hope for the sake of your son he will agree on that.

So here is a video of what a narcissist sounds like. Actual messages.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvwN9Qy3SEs[/youtube]


The dad does come across as having a personality disorder. I just wonder if it's narcissism or sociopath.

You might want to be careful with this guy.

He was slighted by the name on the Jersey to the point of destroying it and smashing a helmet. That is an indicator he could turn that abuse out on the kids or you. This is not Aspergers.

What I wonder though is, IS the term NT becoming more known to the public? Attaching NT to your name as a new user makes me wonder if people refer to themselves as NT who are considered normal now. I never hear NT offline.

Last edited by TheygoMew on 13 Aug 2011, 3:38 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Some other clues to narcissism:
Can not acknowledge or apologize for mistakes. Always "right";

Arrogant with overblown ideas of personal accomplishments. (Grandiousity)

Acts superior to others, contemptous toward others.

Feels a special sense of entitlement (like its ok to have affairs)

Wow--this is the stereotype going around about Aspies?? How sad!

Are you a psychologist? A psychiatrist, perhaps? Or just someone so completely confused about what Aspergers is, that you have deluded yourself into thinking that you have come up with a "diagnosis" for him? YOU cannot diagnosis anyone with anything. And if you did have that ability, your diagnostic skills would be far superior to what they obviously are.

Sorry to come across as blunt, I am just tired of people coming here thinking that all angry, horrible, nasty personality traits are the result of the autism spectrum. I may be socially inept, but I am NOT mean! I do not know anyone personally with autism who is outright cruel to other people, especially their own family members. I am sure there must be some mean autistic people out there, just as there are PLENTY of mean NT people out there...but those people are not mean BECAUSE they are autistic! Sheesh!

I agree with everyone else.

What you've described could certainly be the result of a number of other conditions. AS does not immediately come to mind. However, it's impossible to know exactly from this little snippet.

The people with autism that I've met are some of the sweetest people I've ever met in my life. That's a generalization to be sure, but true for me. Sure, there are people with AS, who when upset, have public meltdowns. There are real jerks with autism (that I've heard of). But generally speaking, this doesn't strike me as someone with autism at all. Not being able to read other people's emotions correctly or a situation does not equate total lack of sensitivity. In my opinion, people with autism have a tendency to be so exquisitely sensitive it becomes impossible to make all the necessary minute connections to understand precisely what's happening in any given social situation and how to respond.

This explains how someone can confuse narcissistic personality disorder for asperger's syndrome:

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal72.html

People have told me that I'm too nice to have Asperger's. I never understood what that was supposed to mean. But apparently it's a common belief that aspies are jerks.

I am sorry to tell you but I don't think any person with aspergers would ever do such a thing unless they had severe personality disorders besides. That sort of outburst would be spiteful, which is why we wouldn't do it. People who don't have complex social framework don't think that deep about it.

He might need anger management counseling. If he gets angry at you for trying to talk to him, don't know how to bring it up to him.