pondering disclosure to HR officer at work........

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I've been hiding my ASD for 4 years, but its getting to the point where I'm getting negative comments in performance reviews....

I work in IT, which suits me perfectly, and my technical performance\abilities are great and feedback from bosses is also great. However I was told that I wasn't being social enough, so I made the effort to waste time by forcing pointless conversations with various non threatening people. I've maintained this for a few years now. However now I'm being told that I need to socialise more and build on relationships blah blah blah become part of the team etc.

I don't have any idea how I'm supposed to do this, and when I questioned it, I was told that its not something that can be written down, its just a feeling and I need to get with the mojo etc. So I'm supposed to somehow figure out how to fake something that isn't describable and has no instructions......Sounds difficult enough for an NT, let alone an aspie.

I don't understand why they can't be happy that I just want to do my work and not waste time with social crap. Its not like I totally avoid people, I just avoid unnecessary socialisation.........I don't want to be best buddies with workmates - the other girls are all wedding\babies\nothing in common.

I've been trying to avoid mentioning ASD, as i don't want any negative connotations, and its something I was hoping to keep confidential (only my partner knows) but I'm running into brick walls here........

Suggestions welcome.

Honestly, the next time someone says anything about socialization, I'd ask, point plank, "Is my position here in jeopardy if I do NOT act more sociably?" If she (somehow, I think it's a she) says no, move on. If she says yes, find something that collaborates that with company policy, though I suspect you'll have a hard time doing so. Then ask your bosses if this is, in fact, company policy.

This sounds like a good first step.

I question...

1. Do you have a formal diagnosis for AS? If you claim protection under the ADA (US), you will need to prove your claim.

2. Presuming the answer to #1 is "yes," I'd suggest making discrete inquiries along the lines set out by sacrip above.

However, I would also do this....

1. Make such discrete inquiries to HR and your supervisor IN WRITING and ask for an answer IN WRITING. Ask them to explain how they see your current level of socialization as impairing your job performance.

2a. You could do this as the same time, but it might be needless escalation at this stage....

2b. I would suggest locating an attorney that deals with ADA discrimination matters, having a chat with them (most will do initial consults for no charge) and retain him/her to be ready to roll in case you need it (retainers don't have to cost a lot of money). Give the attorney a copy of whatever your employer hands back to you. Listen to his/her counsel. If you need to disclose your condition to your employer to address the pressure to be more "sociable," I'd talk to your attorney first, and I'd suggest such disclosure comes through your attorney. The way the legal system works in the US (especially under the ADA), employers can easily fire you before you give them formal notice, and proving formal notice can be a Chinese in the armor of any discrimination case. I've heard of many, many cases where a person discloses (or alleges discrimination under Title 7...same general procedure), and is immediately fired or demoted and PROVING it was retaliation is very difficult because there is an inadequate paper trail PROVING that the employer had notice BEFORE they took action. Those who can prove they gave notice before any negative action was taken against them are usually protected from such attacks because the employer knows they can't lie and say they "didn't know" at the time they decided to fire/demote the problem employee.

2c. If you must go any further than a letter to your employer, I do not know if or when you should file a complaint (through your attorney) with the EEOC (US) for an ADA violation or not. Certainly, you could file a complaint with your initial disclosure notice as a means of protection. The benefit of doing so is that if you file a complaint at the same time as you notify your employer, the employer is locked out of any option to retaliate because anything negative done to you AFTER you file a formal complaint with the EEOC is PRESUMED to be a retaliatory action. Doing the "nice thing" and giving an employer a chance to fix a problem before filing a compliant means they could fire you and then you'd have to prove your termination was based on retaliation and not a performance issue. A lawyer who deals with ADA issues would be the best source for advice on this. For what it is worth, I believe most employers know that if you have an attorney involved (even if all he/she is doing is sending the "nasty gram" invoking your rights under the ADA) they better not mess with you. Claiming you are lying about having ever sent them anything about your needs under the ADA is one thing. Claiming your attorney is lying is a different matter. Attorneys are officers of the court, and while many can and do lie, they have a presumption of integrity the employer would have to overcome in a court of law...which is damn hard to do. Your lawyer would likely send any notice via certified mail and be able to prove the employer received it.

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I don't want to paint a negative picture, but if this is a good job and a good place to work, you need to take steps to protect it.

I do have a formal diagnosis, however it was only done about a month ago.

They don't want to fire me - I get paid a lot to do my job, and it would be quite difficult for them to find a replacement. The social and communications issues are the only problems. I don't want to cause problems for myself by mentioning the diagnosis, or involving anti discrimination acts etc. , but they are asking for me to do things that are just not possible.

Would you believe that I got in trouble because I didn't get angry and phone my manager when he sent me a harsh email ? He couldn't understand why I hadn't gotten angry and upset. The email said that we would have a meeting to discuss it later, so I just waited for the meeting. Apparently this isn't normal and he just couldn't deal with it.

I'll have a chat with HR and just ask about the socialising as a job requirement etc. and see what she says........

I feel sad and depressed today, because I'm not being accepted for who I am, I must be assimilated into their NT world or I'm a failure.

At least if you disclose u can honestly say it's a very recent diagnosis so they won't feel like you've been hiding something. Maybe suss out how open and understanding the HR person is before making a decision.