Being touched on the top of the head?

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Teredia
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19 Oct 2011, 5:58 am

I hate being touched on the top of the head. My father doesnt understand that I hate it. I have tried to talk to him about it but he doesnt want to listen or understand why. He doesnt believe in Aspergers or even Autism, even though the symptoms of autism and aspergers run in his side of the family.
I am really stuck on what to do, cause it drives me insane when sumone touches the top of my head, i feel so trapped, and do not know what to do.

Can someone give me some advice on how to deal with this?
He touches me on the top of the head every night.


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PTSmorrow
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19 Oct 2011, 6:09 am

How about wearing a hat or helmet? If he doesn't stop touching you though you tell him to, it's kind of physical injury. You could hit or kick him for self-defense.



OJani
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19 Oct 2011, 7:03 am

I disliked it too when I was a kid. I did nothing against it, though, except that I showed signs that I didn't find it pleasant or comforting. As an adult, I don't have to any more. :D

Suggest a more acceptable substitute, like touching your shoulder or shoulder blade, if you can take that.


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icyfire4w5
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19 Oct 2011, 7:08 am

My father likes to touch my head too. Whenever I tell him that I feel really uncomfortable, he says that he is just showing affection. (Anyway, I've heard that it's rude to touch Thai people's heads.)



Teredia
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19 Oct 2011, 8:14 am

OJani wrote:
I disliked it too when I was a kid. I did nothing against it, though, except that I showed signs that I didn't find it pleasant or comforting. As an adult, I don't have to any more. :D

Suggest a more acceptable substitute, like touching your shoulder or shoulder blade, if you can take that.


I cant even stand being touched on the arm let alone shoulder. I just dont like being touched periodly.



Teredia
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19 Oct 2011, 8:19 am

icyfire4w5 wrote:
My father likes to touch my head too. Whenever I tell him that I feel really uncomfortable, he says that he is just showing affection. (Anyway, I've heard that it's rude to touch Thai people's heads.)

yes my mum tells me dad does this for the same reason. And yes that is true, my friend who is part Thai said it is rude to touch an Asian on the head that it is a sign of disrespect.



jackbus01
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19 Oct 2011, 9:00 am

Jerk your head away and shout "stop touching me!"
That should fix your problem.



Eureka-C
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19 Oct 2011, 10:21 am

I was wondering where this is on a scale .. I mean is it just slightly annoying and somewhat disrespectful. Or does it set your senses off for the rest of the day. Everybody, NT or Aspie puts up with things parents do that are annoying. If this is just annoying, blow it off as a parental quirk. If it is a trigger that sets you off for the rest of the day or hours, then maybe you can find an analogy to better explain to him that you are not just being selfish, unwilling to put up with his attempt at affection. Also, you might try offering him alternative ways he can touch you to show you he is trying to get close/show affection.

If he won't listen, try something humorous. like
... put double sided sticky tape on your head and when he asks, tell him it keeps the cats off furniture and counters and you thought it might remind him to not tap on you.
... keep a tally and give him a bill for a disruption tax for the amount of time your life has been disrupted due to having to get over the oversensation of being tapped on the head.
... find a particularly annoying sound and blast it for as long as you are annoyed after being tapped on the head. When he asks, tell him that you are just trying to show him that the annoyance is not just for the moment and maybe he can have some sympathy if he has to suffer as long as you.

Anyway... don't start a war. I just like humor to deal with minor inconveniences of rude interactions of others who are unwilling to see their reality is not everyones reality.



Douglas_MacNeill
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19 Oct 2011, 11:46 am

icyfire4w5 wrote:
My father likes to touch my head too. Whenever I tell him that I feel really uncomfortable, he says that he is just showing affection. (Anyway, I've heard that it's rude to touch Thai people's heads.)


I'll admit that I find being patted on the top of the head to be a...rather condescending gesture.
But getting your hair mussed up/tousled is an entirely different thing.



KemoreJ
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19 Oct 2011, 7:50 pm

I think there is a lot of good advice here. I felt like if I was in your situation I would get to the point where I would shout and get really angry. Showing people how you really feel can sometimes get the point across when simply talking does not.

Importantly, we don't know your gender or age. It might be better you don't tell us. If you are a young female, here are my thoughts:
Adult men can have troubles showing affection. It can be especially difficult between a Father and Daughter. Males are often not raised with good male role models with regards to showing affection to others in a genuine, heart-felt, gentle way. It is often just not considered masculine. As a result a Father can often have a better relationship with his Son because he can show affection through physical "rough housing". When it comes to a Daughter he may be clueless.

And men are also conditioned to know or pretend they know how to handle everything so don't like feeling vulnerable. Don't like being told or instructed by those closest to them on how to do things. But I like what someone else said; it might be a good idea to discuss with your Dad other ways of showing affection. How would you like him to show you heloves you? Holding your hands and telling you he loves you? I don't know lol.

I wish you all the best. He obviously loves you so I'm confident you will both work it out.

:D


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rastiazul
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21 Oct 2011, 11:25 am

this brings back old memories

when i was a kid i had very light blond hair and its not common in this area so many people wanted to touch my hair and i was sick of it , i got angry every time, sometimes i moved my head away and sometimes i just frowned



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21 Oct 2011, 11:37 am

I don't understand how, in any culture, it's OK to reach out and put your hand on any part of the body or clothing! It's invasive, rude, and in our (Autism) community, sometimes actually painful.

A hand on my head will earn an elbow in the rib cage for the owner of the hand!

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TheMatrixHasYou
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21 Oct 2011, 12:22 pm

I don't mind if my mum or dad does it, but if a friend or a stranger does it I give them evils. :evil:



rastiazul
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23 Oct 2011, 12:48 am

kx250rider wrote:
I don't understand how, in any culture, it's OK to reach out and put your hand on any part of the body or clothing! It's invasive, rude, and in our (Autism) community, sometimes actually painful.

if you were born in another culture maybe you would understand it heheheh, i do but i still dont like it much, sometimes it doesnt bother me at all though

my mom just told me that when i was a kid, i told her to dye my hair black so people would stop touching it



kx250rider
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23 Oct 2011, 12:22 pm

rastiazul wrote:
if you were born in another culture maybe you would understand it heheheh, i do but i still dont like it much, sometimes it doesnt bother me at all though

my mom just told me that when i was a kid, i told her to dye my hair black so people would stop touching it


That's true... I know that in many cultures, personal space is much different from that in the USA and Europe. In Mexico, for instance, when standing in line to pay at a store, you are nearly touching the people in front and behind you. I can't tolerate that. If I'm waiting in line at the store here in the USA, and someone from one of the "no personal space" cultures comes up and nearly humps me from behind while I can feel their breath invading on my neck, I'll pretend to need something else from the store that I forgot, and I'll get out of line and get in another line. I have to be polite of course, so no elbows in that case.

Charles