If people with Asperger's dictated the social rules...

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I have been thinking about this lately... if people with Asperger's could be "in charge of" the social rules what would the rules be? I am thinking along the lines of an imaginary situation where people with Asperger's would be most comfortable. I have read a lot about the struggles of people with Asperger's or High Functioning Autism fitting into the "typical" world, but I would like to look at it from the other way around --- the "typical" world fitting into the Aspergers' world. I am the parent of a child with Asperger's and just trying to look at things from a different perspective.

Rule number one: Staring at people directly in the pupils is as rude as staring at boobs or crotches, please refrain.

Oh this is an interesting thread .

Some rules I've come up with may not be for everybody here, I just made these up from personal experiences. This would help those Aspies who are shy/phobic/unsure of social interaction a better chance!

-Give shy people a better chance in social situations, make them feel included, a shy person doesn't mean an unfriendly person. So sometimes if you give a shy, unconfident-looking person a chance, it can go a long way, and you're more than likely to make friends with them.

-When the person is complaining, don't yell, ''oh stop moaning!'' because they are just trying to express how they're feeling about something what bothers them. You will be a better friend if you just listen to them.

-Don't criticise what the person likes. If the person collects Disney films, so what? Just say, ''oh that's nice'', or if you don't like Disney films just say, ''I don't watch Disney films myself'', then perhaps say what you like to collect (if anything).

-Don't stare at anyone in the street. It makes them feel just as uncomfortable as it would make you feel.


Can't think of any more at the moment.

There would be no need to say hi or bye, or bother with any superficial social small talk.
People would just be straight to the point all the time and get much more done as a result.
Social situations would be highly efficient, there would be less jokes, no sarcasm, no faux pass.
No one would take offence, or exclude others, people would just walk away if they were bored, or join a different more interesting discussion, or sit and talk to themselves if no-one was interested.

Everyone would be required to turn down the volume
and stop acting like a bull in a china shop.

I love the responses so far. Thanks for contributing. I have another question to add... what would an Aspie's definition of the perfect friend, companion, and/or partner be?

Make everything direct.

For example, when meeting new people, ask them if they are comfortable in starting a conversation. Also, tell others when you start to feel "overwhelmed" and wish to be left alone.

Say what you mean to say. Anytime sarcasm is used it must me in that typical "sarcastic tone" (remember to roll your eyes up too )

I honestly don't give it much thought beyond the point when I realize that if we as Autistics formed the rules, we would be asking those that have certain abilities we do not have, not to use them.

What if the deaf made the rules?

To think of it in terms of changing the rules for everyone, all the time, I don't see much potential benefit.

Now if we were to think of it as a training method for professionals dealing with Autistics, guided by Autistics, I can see a ton of beneficial outcomes from that.

It would be tricky though, because of how different each one of is. There is so much variety in our strengths and deficits, anyone taking the training would also have to learn how to identify exactly how each one of their "charges" ticks.

It would be much harder to do than simply, say, putting in a set of ear plugs, because it would require imagining whatever deficits an Autistic might have.

It could become a pretty complex training style, but I bet it would be a really valuable thing to consider and really do something about!

I thought I would share a few rules my son (an Aspie) would say...

No one could ever call you by anything other than your given name. (He seems to take issue with people calling him by any sort of nickname even if it is intended as a term of endearment.)

The preference for all social interactions would be via a computer interface or through a video game of some sort.

Spontaneous exploration and research on interesting topics would take priority over keeping to any daily routine.

There would be no "social filter" for conversations that do take place... it would be completely ok to ask anything or speak at length about whatever topic interests him regardless of if he is talking to a complete stranger or someone he has met before.

There would be NO small talk!

[quote="Jcedar"]No one could ever call you by anything other than your given name. (He seems to take issue with people calling him by any sort of nickname even if it is intended as a term of endearment.)

quote]

What is that? My son is totally the same way. and...I can tell him all day that he is the best thing in this world, and he means more to me than life itself, but I can't use the "L" word. In his world, no kissing and no love. You can hug all day.