Exiting a Social Situation with smoothness/confidence

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I'm a 24 year old male with undiagnosed aspie tendencies and some social anxiety issues. I manage it pretty well with acting like/mimicing NT's in groups, trying to appear happy/attentive/non-threatening with friends, and sticking to managing 4 or so friend/and one girlfriend relationship at a time well instead of many badly.

I'm completely fine in staying relatively confident and consistent calling friends, meeting up to hang out with people, and for the most part during acutally the time i'm with people. My problem is leaving..I just get waves of anxiety/racing thoughts and dread of having to get my ego together to make a graceful exit that shows appreciation for the time spent and conveys intentions of hanging out in the future, which I usually have.I feel like other people get the perception that i appear as if im in a rush or dont care about the people i just were with, which isn't true I just am so awkward about the whole process of leaving gracefully and keeping my calm/cool head for the exit that people get weirded out.

Does anyone have any tips for chilling out and appearing casual when leaving a group setting instead of awkwardly saying bye to the few people you know better and ignoring others/acquaintances?

I watch people do it correctly and smoothly and just have no answers..I'm a decent looking otherwise fairly confident dude, got no problem getting girls, but with girls I'm interested in and people I've recently met, and even my couple best friends I just am overly and unnecessarily awkward leaving and saying good bye, enough as to where it hurts the relationships I try to sustain. Eye contact is a big part of it I think, I really struggle with it and feel like i look like I'm caught in my own head when I try to make the quick parting connection with people I've talked to in a social setting, even for hours at a time, as I'm leaving somewhere. Weed makes this worse, If I smoke with someone as I do with some of my friends its usually twice as bad.

I know this may not seem like a huge issue to some people, but when the same forced and tense feelings repeat over and over like theyve done with me the last few years you start to notice.

Last edited by overthinker9 on 12 Mar 2012, 1:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sounds like a great question for the NT/AS open hotline.

As an aspie, I simply wait for the NT to pass out or get bored and go away.

I have to return some videotapes.

Hahahaaa true dat im about to watch that movie now. Or "Say goodnight to the bad guy"

Brining up you're busy usually works. That line has been used on me over and over again. Or more polite is that you just remembered to do something that's very important/ on a deadline. Or you need to get some much needed sleep because you need to get an early start tomorrow.

I get tired or cranky or simply say I've got something to work on of the up most importance. Usually when I'm socialising and having no problems I don't know when to stop. If I get bored or tired I will either stay and be bored and tired or leave. I usually say goodbye...I think.

I have to work on my social skills.

It depends.

If you carry a laptop or book bag; it's a piece of cake.

When you start to put your things away or retrieve your things, it's a social cue that you are getting ready to leave.

Do it kind of quickly, it makes it look like you're in a rush.

When you finish, walk over to the group, look toward everyone, and say: i gotta get outta here guys. See ya, later. Take care.

Then exit, walk away at a moderate speed.

Done.

*Method works well IF you wear a watch or own a cellphone, too.
TheSunAlsoRises

Last edited by TheSunAlsoRises on 12 Mar 2012, 1:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ah, I never really thought about it all too much. But I carry a camera bag, and when someone sees me pick up the bag I immediately get a "are you leaving?".

The busy/gotta get work done sounds really good, sets the right tone for the exit too, much appreciated.

I guess I have the most problems with girls, I hung with this girl I knew for like 4 or 5 hours today at my friends house, I can tell she likes me and have an awesome connection with her..but as soon as she said "what time do you have to work tomorrow?" with a weird tone and hinting it was getting late cued a weird fight or flight response and i left kind of suddenly..so much so that she texted me "why did you leave?" 10 minutes later..i analyze things too much but if i think people are hinting at something without actually saying it it throws me off. and it just sucks cause it was a bad way to end hanging out and having laughs and good times. just gotta man up and pull my ego together sometimes i think

I know how you feel although it's not that bad for me. The other day I just wanted to go and I was tired so I just said "I'm off guys seeya in a bit", grabbed my shopping and walked away. There was no need for eye contact because they were all looking at the quiz machine.

Here's a line that works for me, it may help if it's said with conviction:

"I've gotta make a move guys", this can be followed by; "If I don't eat soon it's game over", "I'm at work all day tomorrow", "I've got plans to blow the sh*t out of everyone on Battlefield", "before this shopping defrosts", and so on. It's a two part sentence, the first part is the goodbye and the latter is the reason why. Both can be edited to suit your needs but that's the basic construct of my goodbye's.

I think you may be over analysing this though. When any of my friends depart from the group, they just say a short, abrupt goodbye and we all just carry on about our business. You don't need a complex goodbye, just something simple, because after you have left the group they will just carry on doing whatever they were doing before but without you there.

This, most of the time. I rarely have anything urgent, and I never know to end the conversation, so I feel it is safer to do that. I can take several hours, however... Of course, if I do have something urgent, I'll say I have to do it.

The few times I have actually ended the conversation by myself, I generally have hinted that I did like what I had to do. Example: "Well, I've got to go, my parents invited some of their friends from work and I will have to do the cleaning beforehands, obviously... " Most of the time, I just phrase what I will really be doing in a way that makes it sound unpleasant.

Not that I'm in a conversation so often, but anyway.