I always feel like I'm such a bother...

Post Reply New Topic

It seems no matter where I am or what I am doing that requires other peoples time, I feel like I'm such a drain on them. I know I'm not the smartest or brightest and that I need a little more explanation than most and it really bothers me. Then after I leave, I always feel like they are talking bad about me like "oh, she's so annoying" and "why does she always have to be like that?". Is it normal to feel like everybody is always talking about me, in a bad way? Does everybody feel this way? Is it just my poor self esteem?

It most probably comes from poor self-esteem. I have poor self-esteem myself, and I also have the same paranoid thoughts you described. I talk to my bus-driver when he has a few minutes break in between journeys, and he knows I fancy him and he acts like he doesn't mind because he's the one who started making small talk with me in the first place and he tells me a lot about himself now, and the other day he asked where I was the day before (because I wasn't on it), as though he had missed me. But I still get paranoid thoughts in my head making me think, what if he doesn't really like talking to me? What if he tells the other drivers 'I had to speak to that nutty girl who fancies me', and the other drivers laugh and recognise who I am? I know they probably wouldn't do that, but I always worry that I might be a pest. I try not to pester people, I try to just keep things friendly and I've gotten really good at it, but I still get paranoid thoughts. I just can't help thinking about it.

But it must come from poor self-esteem. But the best thing is that at least I'm aware of it and so I can be more careful in what I say or do. I've found people laugh more at someone who thinks everybody loves them but nobody actually even likes them. At least if I really feel unhappy with somebody's actions against me then I know to back away. But it's still not very nice being overparanoid because then I think nobody truly likes me and are just using me, and I feel so guilty for thinking that because the friends I got are really nice people and so I should stop thinking they don't like me.

Just because you are paranoid, doesn't mean they are not out to get you. I think everyone including NTs have times when they feel that others are talking about them in a negative way. With some people the feelings can be stronger and more frequent. You need to find things to do to occupy and distract yourself. It will definitely help. I have always had low self esteem, and it does feel crappy, but at some point in my life I realized that most of the time my feelings that others were talking about me in a negative way, were usually not true, but just a feeling brought on by my own inadequacies. Most of the time people are too busy with their own issues to negatively gossip about other people. In other cases the gossips are no prize themselves, so what they say doesn't carry as much weight, at least with me. Unfortunately, I still get stuck with the feelings that I am at the center of negative attention. I found years ago that doing stuff to keep myself occupied really does help. It doesn't eliminate all the "bullseye" feelings, but does make it harder to focus on them, because I am doing other stuff, and it's hard to focus on more than one thing at a time.

Now, go and find stuff to keep yourself occupied, like:

- Exercise. It generates mood boosting endorphins.
- Read funny stories and watch funny shows. That also generates mood boosting endorphins.
- Volunteer. There are people out there worse off than we are. Also, this will improve your self image.
- Take courses, either in person, or online. Some of the online courses are free.
- Take up a hobby.
- Join a club, and/or get involved in community functions.

Now please stay on the mental health help line. We know where you are and are coming to get you.

I often feel like I am putting people out if they do something for me. But I don't feel like they talk about me afterwards. I just often feel guilty for taking up their time.

Yeah I feel that way a lot, I think it is probably a combination of low self esteem and paranoia....I assume people must look down on me for my flaws and that they have no reason to care and stuff like that. I don't know why, but yeah it does not help my relations with people.