How to deal with the diagnosis.

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I had been visiting a therapist once of week for the better part of this school year for reasons I'd rather not disclose, and in a recent meeting she said she thinks I have Asperger's. As a kid, I'd been diagnosed with ADHD (a diagnosis I've grown up with) - now there's a whole different diagnosis, and I'm not sure what to think.

I'm just rather confused, I guess. Care to help a girl talk it out?

When the possibility of a diagnosis of AS was brought up to me for the first time I was in complete denial. I did not think I had any sort of autism (mostly because I was not adequately educated about autism I was only familiar with the stereotypical so called "low functioning" classical autism. I also worked with 9th grade boy who has AS and on the surface I could not see similarities. But in the interest of finding out everything I could I talked to his mom about it. Knowing what was meant by a "spectrum disorder" made it easier for me.

The more I read about it the more I realized I fit the picture perfectly, it described most every struggle I have had in life and school, and with trying to function on my own. Truthfully it does not change much in my day to day life except that I have let go of some stressful habits that helped me blend in. So I stim in public (slight rocking back and forth, playing with silly putty, nothing too obvious I think) if I need to. It helps me explain to others why I am the way I am, and why I have trouble with certain kinds of directions. It has helped me find ways of working with my sensory sensitivities that I had trouble describing before I knew I had AS. In work it lets me ask to wear earplugs during the class changes and bell rings.

Knowing I have AS has helped me relate to my family better. I still have the same struggles but now I know why and have a better understanding of what I can do for some of them.

If you have questions or just want to talk feel free.

Huh. The noise sensitivity does explain why everyone else's talking gets to me, but it could also be explained by the focus issues that come with ADHD.

I think my main problem is that I got the ADHD diagnosis very early on (age seven) and it had inadvertently become part of my identity, and the Asperger's thing is clashing with that. I'm sorry if I'm being annoying, I'm kind of out of my element.

You are not being annoying.

I do not have ADHD, so I cannot help with that area.

It helped that I was referred to testing several times when I was in early elementary school and pre-school, and was told I had "autistic tendencies" although I was not diagnosed at the time because I did not have a language delay. I do not remember being told that, but I remember being tested, and my mom told me that was what she was told. Instead I was told I was "gifted and talented". That made it very hard on me when I did not succeed to my expectations. I also had two college professors ask if I was autistic.

It helped when I started talking to others on the spectrum, and I realized I had more in common with them than I had with everyone else. I notice things that others do not, such as the placement of electrical outlets and light fixtures, but I do not notice things that most people notice (generally dealing with social interaction). I have always had poor eye contact, and while I am very analytical and can design efficient organizational systems, I cannot implement them in my life (poor executive function). To the frustration of one of my brothers, and the continual amusement of my friends (always few in number) and my acquaintances I do not recognize sarcasm when it is used. This leads to me trying to explain why something is the opposite of what is said, when that is what was meant in the first place. I have always had difficulty judging the intent of other people, if they are trying to use me, if they are trying to complement me or criticize me.

Even as I child I would only wear certain clothes, and I would tear the tags out of my clothes. I have widened my wardrobe but I and still picky about how it feels as some fabrics "itch" for no logical reason. My special interests are not strange in their content but in their intensity. I read incessantly, reading was not strange, but the fact that I was reading all day every day and at a level well beyond my peers was a little weird, but I was labeled as "gifted and talented" so it did not stand out too much. My social interaction was slightly different than my peers (but I did not realize this), but as I got older it has become more normal.

What is your greatest fear about being diagnosed or labeled with AS?

My greatest fear is that this means I will always have difficulty adjusting to others.

I've been bullied since childhood, and was diagnosed with ADHD after some teachers told my parents I may need special education or perhaps medication. They refused, but as I grew up (incidentally I also read very much - what are your interests?) I hung on to the idea that if I could just get a prescription for ADHD meds, things would improve. Better focus and impulse control - which would mean being less awkward with people, or at least I thought so. But Asperger's has no cure. I'm generally either ignored or bullied, and have few friends (only one close one). The hope that I would eventually get medication was something of a lifeline, and now it's gone. I'm not sure what to think.

I am in my early 50s and found out what was wrong with me in my late 40s. It was a great relief to finally know why I am so different from most people. It eliminated the stress caused by the not knowing what was wrong with me. Granted, there is no cure, but there are coping methods, many of which I found on my own over many years. Some of us are also helped by therapy and/or drugs. I prefer to avoid the drugs if possible, and can't stand therapy. I was taken to many different psych docs and therapists as a child and teen, to try and "fix" me. This was before spectrum disorders were recognized as such. Back then we were diagnosed as having emotional/behavior problems, and/or being a discipline problem. It was believed that these could be fixed by the right combo of drugs/therapy/discipline. If you were not responding to the attempts to "fix" you, then you were believed to be not cooperating with the therapies, so you were being more of a discipline problem, or a mental problem. Nice, huh? Unfortunately, spectrum disorders are neurological in nature, and can't be "fixed" that way. Sometimes we can work through and master some of our problems, and some of the newer therapies can help with that, but we will always be on the spectrum.

My own experience with therapists and drugs caused me to develop an aversion to both, but at least I have developed coping methods of my own. Also, I now live alone, after spending most of my life living with relatives. It was very stressful, as we all drove each other crazy. I still have some stress in my life, but things are better now that I am a hermit.

Ok, first high school stinks. I was bullied non stop from the forth grade through the 12th. I had one friend I graduated with and one friend who graduated two year before me (she also has AS and we both liked sci-fi and anime). You may always have difficulty relating to others, but it will not always be as difficult.

There is no "cure" for AS, but there are treatments for co-morbidities (for me this is depression), and ways to help cope with other difficulties. I now have two friends and several friendly acquaintances. College is difficult, and I advise living at home if you can while going, and not taking a huge course load, and limiting the number of classes outside your interest per semester even if they are "easy general education" courses, also- major in an area that is in your special interest. But college was better socially because I got to relate to people on my terms, and my time schedule. If I could not handle long conversations I did not have to have them, if the room was too crowded I could leave. The greater freedom and need for personal responsibility was great (but also bad as my organizational skills are horrible - hence I lived at home).

Get involved in an activity outside school that you can find people interested in too. For me this is music (choir/band) and Aikido (a marital art) and Church. These are "safe" places for me where I can related to people safely. It also helps some people to know I have AS (not everyone, but if I am having trouble communicating it helps me explain why).

I like to read fiction for the most part, especially fantasy and sci-fi. I also like adventure books. I like some of the older French and Russian classics too.

My roommate's mom is a chaplain and when talking to me just after my diagnosis she told me I was going through a grieving process and that it was healthy. I was struggling with the fact that there are physiological limits to how well I can do socially and relate to people. But with time I have accepted this better and found ways that actually help me to relate to people better now than before my diagnosis because I understand where my problems are.

Thank you for the tips, guys.

In terms of activities, I am on my school's robotics team (224, The Tribe), however I am consistently on my worst behavior there and attempts to curb it (a rubber band) have not helped. Do you think I should try something not connected to school at all?

What are your favorite sci-fi stories? Mine are Ender's Game and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Have you read/seen The Revisor/The Government Inspector?

On the topic of diagnosis... do they make you take medication if you are diagnosed with AS? My friend seems to think they will try to force me to take something if I get it diagnosed. I'm not even sure if I can get it diagnosed, but I am curious enough to explore it with a psychologist at least. Should I be worried about doing so, though? I just think it would be a relief to be able to explain to people that I'm not really aloof or mean or judgmental or whatever they must think of me when I give them the blank stare I gave my one acquaintance this morning when he said hello to me. I would like to be able to tell him--"hey, you weren't bothering me. I honestly had to think about how to respond, and by the time I did, it didn't come across the way I'd have liked it to."
I mean, coworkers in the past have told me that I intimidate them because I seem aloof and judgmental.
I tried medication before when I was diagnosed with social anxiety, but it did not help--if anything, it made me less responsive in general--instead of reducing my anxiety, it reduced all of my emotions and made life dull.

No, they won't make you take medication.