Coming into terms with Autism

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Whole life I knew I was different.
I got bullied by both kids and teachers at school and got pretty much abused by mother.
She would beat me every day and sometimes very brutally.
I am very easily overwhelmed...ect ect ect

You know.

Basically where I am getting is, that recently I found out about Asperger and was amazed how well it explains .. my life.

I got diagnosed with BPD, but I do believe now it was a misdiagnoses,
as it does not really explain my special interests, my clumsiness ( when I was 3 I was sent to a hospital as I was tripping all the time and falling down.)..fact that I am disoriented when in any social situation, no matter with who..ect.

Now, so I selfdiagnosed and would like to get an official dg soon.
Till then though, I thought that as I believe I am essentially autistic, I might try some autistic tricks to feel better,
like stimming.

SO.
I am sitting by the computer,
rocking on the chair, listening to the Depeshe Mode-Enjoy The Silence, for like 40th time
and suddenly I found myself MUCH calmer,
grounded,
and I do not feel the need to bite my nails and skin around them ( which is I guess another type of stimming,
but closer to selfharm, as it often left me with bleeding fingers)

SO O_O yes.

Going to explore more about this stuff.
(bit in a trance)

Welcome to WP! You are on the Right Planet.

It took a while for me, though, to come into terms with my presumably mild 'condition'.

Thank you for the welcome

I just noticed I am the same age as you are,
is it normal that
that I feel and AM basically still just a girl
and often a small girl.
I am just acting* like an adult, but am not one, not really...
(even though I believe I do have some wisdom and knowledge)

(but I also look much younger)

?

*not very succesfully

EDIT: or maybe it is just a momentary feeling; *confused*

I am the same age as well and realized about a year or two ago that this has been the cause of my weirdness all along. The things my mom tells me of my early years are classic autism/aspergers symptoms. I very much feel the same way as what you said that I quoted. I hate when people tell me "but you are a grown up or X age so act like it". They have no idea that I wish I could.

I'm also around the same age and can relate to feeling like a little girl playing grown-up. I feel sometimes a little "guilty" driving around and working a job, etc. actually, especially after my nervous breakdown a few years ago that left me only able to work for a few months a year.

Anyways, just go with it. I have two cards on my desk; one with a polar bear momma and her cubs and another one with a baby penguin that my parents sent me, also a stuffed frog with a heart saying "Hugs & Kisses" my husband bought me years ago, a plushie dolphin keychain (also from parents)... well I could go on, but I might bore everyone to death! lol

Be kind to yourself, this is a time of acceptance and discovery. Welcome to WP.

Wow... an age summit! Let's congrat each other!

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying here. I'm in my 30's, too, and feel like a little girl (I say I'm emotionally a 4th grader). I was misdiagnosed as BPD when I was younger, and was bullied in school (and later at work) and abused by my first husband. I play songs on repeat a lot (and I like the one you're playing). Since learning I most likely have ASD I'm relieved to have an explanation for what I've been experiencing, but also having trouble trusting my own perception. I keep wondering what the social cues are that I'm missing, and what everyone else sees that I don't! I'm also trying "aspie things" more deliberately, too. I found I like weighted blankets, for instance. I'm reading a bunch of aspie/autie biographies and it's very encouraging to see how people who got the same type of reactions I do from NTs still managed to find a place in the world.

Nice to meet ya! <-- (best imitation of NT friendly smile)

ms_squirrel

Indeed!
But sometimes I just enjoy it, the joy, the innocence, the rush.


kirayng
good to hear what you have said.
Actually I am sleeping with a fluffy animal recently,
Thank you for the welcome


OJani



Nonperson
Nice to meet you too!

Is it not weird, such similar destinies.

Yup, not sure where are those clues hidden,
it is like a language that we did not lear properly,
like being colorblind when looking at a picture,
the colors are there but we just can't distinguish them.