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Mirror21
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02 Aug 2012, 7:59 pm

My roommate seems very edgy and upset today. Not that I usually can tell a great deal but I asked her twice if she was OK and she said yes. I know if I ask more than that, she will get upset, so I have let it go but I am feeling very edgy and nervous. I do not know how to handle people who are in a bad mood well. Although her expressions really tell me nothing I can understand I have known her for over seven years, I can tell when she is in a bad mood by now, even if its too late by then.

She is quiet (she is usually talking all the time about something she has planned or w/e). She dropped something on the floor and went to get it so I asked "what did you drop?" she said "nothing". which is obviously not true because i heard something fall to the floor and saw her bent over to pick it up. So I infer she is in a bad mood.

I do not know how to handle people who are obviously upset. Should I give her space? Should I show concern? I have been misinterpreted a lot as being naggy and if she is mad or something I really don't want to make it worse. But I have NO IDEA what to do right now. How should I handle it?



MakaylaTheAspie
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02 Aug 2012, 8:09 pm

Wait until the bad mood passes, and ask her about it when you think she's feeling better. That would be a good time to tell her you were concerned about her well-being.


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Mirror21
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02 Aug 2012, 8:12 pm

That sounds like a good idea. >,< But I am afraid she is going to act funny. Like "Why are you worried about it now?" She has done this once or twice, but so have other people I know and I hate being the target of misinterpreted intentions, which happens a lot. This is why I stopped giving suggestions to people when they talk about a problem, most of the time they just want to say stuff.



DrPenguin
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02 Aug 2012, 9:34 pm

I'd go one of two ways either say I'm off down the pub for a drink, fancy one? If she says no then say well I've got my mobile if you need me or act completely normal. From experience when a girls says nothing in a very clipped/short manner what ever you say/do is wrong so probably doesn't matter, she's not looking for a solution but will talk about it eventually.

Its odd with blokes if we walk away we want to be left alone to think/cool down and if we stay we want to talk and want help, where as in a woman it often seems to be the opposite way, is that still true of aspie women.



Mirror21
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02 Aug 2012, 9:55 pm

Hmm I don't know I am a girl and I really don't walk away whether I wan to talk or not. I don't get upset unless someone/something upsets me usually and its obvious what it is. o,0 Can't go for a drink, neither of us drinks and i cant drive. ill prob sit at the comp and say/do nothing until I am approached. Better yet, I'm gonna go cook dinner >,< awayyyyy from her.



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02 Aug 2012, 10:24 pm

Just leave her to it, tell her you are there if she wants to talk and hope for the best.
Bad moods are normal for anyone, they usually pass. If you could help her, she would probably ask, since she is aware that you are aware of her feelings. Does that make sense?



Mirror21
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02 Aug 2012, 11:16 pm

I think i do. She seems to be doing better, but now she is listening to scientific explanations for various types of warts. I am guessing she is feeling better.



Esperanza
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03 Aug 2012, 12:01 am

I don't know your roommate but if I had a roommate who was acting like that and I was reasonably sure it wasn't something I'd done (or hadn't done), I'd be silent for a few seconds after she said "nothing" and then I'd pointedly get up and say something like, "SO! I'm going to OPEN A BOTTLE OF WINE and pop some POPCORN and then maybe I'll watch a MOVIE. And I'm going to leave an extra wine glass by the bottle in the kitchen. Or maybe instead of popcorn I'll have ICE CREAM... I'll just get out an extra bowl in case, I don't know, someone wants to use it."

And then I'd walk off into the kitchen. It's a silly (to make her smile) and totally indirect way of inviting her to either have some wine and ice cream to make herself feel better OR join you with some wine and ice cream and chat with you OR distract herself with wine, popcorn and a movie. You're not bugging her with questions or accusing her of acting strange; you're just going to do something that will feel good, and making it clear that she's welcome to join you if she wants to talk. She can decline or ignore the invitation if she really doesn't have a problem or doesn't want to talk about it.

Oh! And if she takes the invitation, don't ask any more questions. She'll bring it up if she wants to talk.



Mirror21
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03 Aug 2012, 12:04 am

Esperanza wrote:
I don't know your roommate but if I had a roommate who was acting like that and I was reasonably sure it wasn't something I'd done (or hadn't done), I'd be silent for a few seconds after she said "nothing" and then I'd pointedly get up and say something like, "SO! I'm going to OPEN A BOTTLE OF WINE and pop some POPCORN and then maybe I'll watch a MOVIE. And I'm going to leave an extra wine glass by the bottle in the kitchen. Or maybe instead of popcorn I'll have ICE CREAM... I'll just get out an extra bowl in case, I don't know, someone wants to use it."

And then I'd walk off into the kitchen. It's a silly (to make her smile) and totally indirect way of inviting her to either have some wine and ice cream to make herself feel better OR join you with some wine and ice cream and chat with you OR distract herself with wine, popcorn and a movie. You're not bugging her with questions or accusing her of acting strange; you're just going to do something that will feel good, and making it clear that she's welcome to join you if she wants to talk. She can decline or ignore the invitation if she really doesn't have a problem or doesn't want to talk about it.


That sounds like a great idea. We don't have ice cream (and i cant tolerate lactose) or pop corn but we have freeze pops and movies!



Esperanza
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03 Aug 2012, 12:06 am

That trick works like a charm on my husband every time. ;) Good luck!