Dealing with paranoia about other people...

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Hi all, I've been lurking round these parts for a while and thought I'd finally contribute something...I'm still working on a proper introduction, which I'll post in a few days. But in the meantime this is something I wanted to ask about...

Does anyone else have problems with thinking that everyone is out to "get" them, or being paranoid about people trying to hurt them when they really are attempting to be friendly? In school, just I like (I assume) a lot of Aspies, I was bullied and teased a lot, and didn't really understand that it was all just a joke and in some cases, meant to be good-natured. Because of my black-and-white thinking--people must be either nice or mean--and lack of theory of mind, I thought anyone who criticized me was trying to deliberately hurt me and that they must flat-out HATE me.

Now, I've taught myself coping skills, as I imagine many Aspies do (it's pretty difficult to survive without them), and rationally I realize that adults no longer think like this...nobody sets out to intentionally hurt anyone, unless they're a sociopath. But people still unintentionally hurt me, and I have to constantly remind myself that it's not a conspiracy, it's only human imperfection. Problem is, I've tried to explain to people that I was really hurt and upset by their actions/words, and I'll get responses like "shut up and take it like a man," "boo f*cking hoo, get over yourself"...OK, it's not always expressed in such a mean way, but it certainly doesn't do anything to shatter my delusions. This too is also a part of looking at the situation rationally...these people likely have experienced their own pain in life, and this is the "tough" facade, their way of dealing with it and covering it up. But it still hurts, damnit...

I've had anger management issues because of this, I've had thoughts about killing people who hurt me and concocted elaborate revenge schemes...I don't think I have the energy to actually go through with something like that, because in the end it's just not worth it (that's another coping skill, channeling my frustration and anger into positive activities). What processes did you go through attempting to rid yourself of this worldview?

I have the same feelings too but I have caught people lying to me and treating me bad behind my back and generally being treated badly overall and people have done cold and calculated hurtful things to me and there have been many times it was unintentional and it is difficult to know which are which because both have happened quite a bit and it is hard to distinguish them apart-but I know which ones that really hurt are the ones done intentionally-and with the blessing/curse of the aspie long term memory-I will always remember too.

Yes. I went through it in middle school because I was a bully victim. So I ended up being a bully myself because I believed I was being picked on and shoved in the halls. Kids were just playing with me and treating me like how they treat their own friends, putting their hands in front of my face and kids always accidentally bumped each other in the halls because it was so crowded and narrow. I just assumed it was intentional. I was told it was all part of my AS because I misread the situation and their intentions. Maybe if I wasn't a bully victim, I wouldn't have even think I was being picked on and shoved on purpose. But I don't ever assume anymore I am being picked on or shoved on purpose. Unless someone comes up to me and uses their hands and pushes me with them or if someone keeps on repeating the same behavior to me and I have told them to stop. I had to get over this and stop assuming I was a victim and kids were picking on me. Plus they stopped teasing me because I took it all so personal.

I am sure as a kid I took things personal and believed I was being picked on when they were just playing. Even my own mother told me my own friends did it to each other too and I took it all too literal. Then I be confused when they be nice to me again. I am sure things my friends did I can remember them doing, they were just teasing me and messing with me and they did it to each other and I took it all too personal. But I forgave them every time. I was always forgiving and didn't need an apology. I can even remember mom telling me kids in my neighborhood are just playing but I didn't understand then, even if she pointed out to me they were doing it to other kids too. I even remember the cop thing they used to do and I thought they were being mean. Take a shoe and pretend they were calling the police to come and get me. The shoe was their phone receiver. I don't know if they were playing or being mean. I will never know for sure. But if someone is mean to you, it's hard to tell if they are just playing or being mean, same as when they criticize you. But if someone has never been mean to me, I just assume they are playing and helping me when they criticize.


Boo f*****g hoo part, I take it as a mean thing to say and they don't give a darn. Those other words you said would also upset me too. But honestly I also get annoyed too when someone is way too sensitive and I so want to be blunt with them. Unless they make me angry and didn't like how they treated me in return, I might say those hurtful things to them and not give a darn. They made me so mad so I don't care if I upset them back.


I also stopped caring what people say to me. Good coping mechanism. It may bother me at first but I get over it quick.