Playing at life

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This may be a strange post but wondered if anyone else felt this way:

I am real lucky that I have a job, I seem to be only able to keep them for up to 9 months at a time though!

I find that after this period I start feeling overwhelmed by people, the amount of routine changes etc

I also find that although I am desperate to live independently, whenever I live on my own, I feel like I am 'playing house', I manage to get the stuff done such as bills (often not on time) but it never seems real.

I'm always looking at others with their jobs, cars and houses and wondering how their brains work and how the hell they do all this with such ease.

I always seem to be on the edge of making a complete screw up of it all and wonder if I will ever be able to keep a job, live on my own properly (with no help) and just do 'normal' things...

A friend of mine laughed at my bedroom as I had a periodic table on the wall and loads of books and soft toys lying around the place, she said it wouldn't be a place to bring a partner back to. I answered 'why would I want to do that?' She laughed harder!

I know what you mean. I am in my late forties and I still feel like I'm just camping out on my own for a little while. I feel like I can never make it completely independently and that eventually I will need to live with someone else to take care of everything. I can;t really imagine being on my own for the rest of my life.

I feel the same way pretty often, like it's too difficult to juggle all of the parts of my life without feeling overwhelmed. Adult life has so many steps to keep things going and I hate the feeling of being unfinished with everything. I feel like I should be able to handle all these little normal things and then I feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed. very vicious cycle.