Have you ever been accidentally ignored or left out?

Post Reply New Topic

Have you ever been left out of an event or ignored, only to find out that the person "forgot" instead?

The word is in quotes, because it felt at the time like they were hoping i would go away but didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling the truth.

Or they could have simply forgotten. There is no way to know, but sometimes I feel ignored or left out and it was perhaps convenient for the other person to make up an excuse instead. Who knows

Either way, sometimes it feels in social situations as if people don't want me around. For example, i was on someone's emailing list (where they fwd jokes and funny stories) and then found i was taken off. i've also been stood up a number of times by different ppl, and each time they forgot or some other reason they couldn't call to cancel.

It is mainly these acts of omission, intended or not, that make me feel extremely confused

If you have any examples yourselves of this kind of thing happening i won't feel so alone

Edit: Wanted to expand this question to include situations in which you felt the person used an excuse as cover for not wanting you around

Usually when I am ignored or left out its not on accident.

Oh, there are definitely times when I make people so angry that they come right out into the open and tell me I'm not welcome.

My crime? Being myself.

Oh well. I'm creative, imaginative, and intelligent,
and wish to remain so.

...

yes
after a while I wanted to be ignored

It used to bother me, but not much any more.

For family things, I get invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners and that's pretty much enough. Even with those, after an hour or two, I'm ready to leave.

At the office, it's not unusual for everyone else to eat lunch at the office. I usually eat lunch at the office, but I usually eat by myself much later than everyone else. Since they usually eat pizza when this happens and I don't eat anything with cheese in it, it doesn't bother me much to skip these events.

Those fine Christians at church do it to me all of the time -- I'd join a group, attend a few meetings, and then find out that they "forgot" to let me know of a special meeting at someone's home; one that includes lots of food, music, and fellowship.

I've stopped joining church groups.

I had my birthday forgotten by my parents and I have been purposely excluded from things by people and it was no accident.

I am almost always left out because when in groups my communication drops to about a zero.

Maybe you should reach out to the dispossesed

Yep once I was in basketball and the coach had to play everyone, it was a rule. He didn't put me in for 4 games straight and so I quit. I wasn't bad a basketball, but for some reason I couldn't function with people around me.

I knew one guy who had been on his high school basketball team who didn't want to play basketball at all. He was so much bigger than the others that the school made him be on the team even though he repeatedly told him that he didn't way to play basketball.

The first game came up and the coach put him in. Right away someone threw him the ball. He immediately handed it to the nearest person to him -- a player on the other team.

He was allowed to leave the basketball team after that incident.

That's not true. There are many, many ways to know. The fact that we're blind to these things doesn't mean everyone in our place wouldn't know either.

When someone says they "forgot" to invite you, the appropriate response is to treat them exactly the same way from now on, i.e. ignore them and be phonily polite to them when in the presence of others. Anything else would be dangerously making yourself an easy target for future additional aggression. Because yes, it's an aggression, a way of saying "keep away from me!".

I once had what I thought was a very close friend, and I thought I was a very close friend of his. One day I was talking to him on the phone and couldn't hear him well due to the loud music, so I asked him to turn down the volume of the radio. He said his room mate wouldn't agree, it was the room mate's radio. A couple weeks later when I happened to be visiting at his house, his room mate told me he was disappointed I hadn't come to my friend's huge birthday party. Turned out that night it wasn't a radio playing but party music. My friend tried to patch things up between us but I never agreed.

Who hasn't? It is a fact of life for an aspie.

I'm new here but I saw this topic and I can completely identify. I've had people "forget" me on my birthday, special occasions and other things. Hell, i've had people implement me into stories of fun times where I was supposedly to be there or to be invited but I was "doing something at the time" (at home). Usually ends with me insisting and being right on not being there. The normal reason I would think that I would be forgotten or not invited would be because I rarely speak when around social environments; There was a time I was invited and went out and didn't speak a word, after thirty minutes, the other members of the social interaction inquired of my whereabouts; I was sitting 4 feet behind the nearest person. Not that I didn't want to say anything...I just had troubles with conjoining my thoughts into cohesive sentences. Also have had people write me off as a silent jack and just opt not to include me because i'm not "fun enough" to be around in a social setting.

I've noticed that being socially impressive is all about being 'fun' (a word I hate). I got used to being left out of things at school and it's meant I usually decline an invitation even when it's offered as I have developed such a dislike of being effectively set up to fail by social events and people in general. Then there's things people invite you to or suggest that they then seem to forget about and as I never took it seriously in the first place (due to having got the measure of people by now!), it's no loss. I refuse to play other peoples' one-upmanship games any longer and have stopped investing effort in desperately trying to be something I'm not in order to try and impress people who were never worth my effort in the first place!

People seem to see me as a person they can moan about how s*** their life is to and not much else. I've started giving short shrift to these types so they've had a rude awakening. I will always have time for a person who has time for me but the type that offers no support when I need it but expects me to listen to them drone on about their unhappy occurrence can f-k right off! People will treat you as badly as you allow them to basically and most people have a ridiculously high opinion of their own value, regardless of how dismissively they treat others.

Last edited by nessa238 on 05 Nov 2012, 1:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

All the time with my NT friends/family. For example I was outside at a party hanging out with my brother, my best friend and another friend all of whom individually I can have great talks with. They all started to talk about guitars and music which I have no clue about and I drifted to the side unnoticed and stared at the sky awkwardly.