Are you paranoid about rejection and then act irrationally?

Post Reply New Topic

For example, someone doesn't return your phone call within an hour or two. Heart races. You assume the absolute worst. You assume that the person (who didn't immediately return your call) and everyone that person talked to, suddenly hates your guts because of some egregious social error you must have made.

Yet, you find out later that odd coincidences or misunderstandings have a way of tripping things up.... The person who didn't call you immediately had a long distance phone call.

What goes through my mind about what might have occurred is horrific. Absolute, blanket rejection. I think the rejection virus has circulated everywhere ....... Usually I think everyone I know is secretly scared out of their wits of me and just can't say it. One wrong move and i'm history. Banned. Banished. Shut out. Blacklisted. Gone.

I don't worry just about the people I interact with, but the people they know who could potentially "influence" them. I never feel secure that people like me, and if they do, that it will last.

If I ever make a friend (which is rare), I'm usually terrified of being introduced to people they know.

Sorry I've diverged from the topic here.

Anyway, I'm hyper-paranoid about rejection and think i'm one wrong move from being snuffed out socially w/ no explanation.

Unfortunately, this causes me to act irrationally at times. Most commonly, I act 'as if' they have already rejected me......... I don't even try to find out if they really have......... I'M WALKING AWAY ALREADY!!

It is a strange reflex I have. The alternative is anxiety. Unrelenting anxiety. Of not knowing where you stand with someone.

Anyone familiar w/ this?

Anyone have 'rejection paranoia' and act irrationally or oddly as a result?

I used to have this problem with making friends, and still do have this problem with meeting women.

How I got over it with making friends, and how I'm trying to get over it with meeting women, is to do stupid s**t on purpose, not on the first impression meeting, but after a little while, and see if they still want to talk to me. If they do, excellent, I have a new friend. If not... well, simply put, f**k 'em.

Of course, this strategy is probably not the best idea in all situations (especially career-related situations, which is where I avoid using it), and goes completely against Aspie instinct, but if this is a real problem for you, maybe give it a try?

I'm starting to learn to just accept the rejection that I became ultra-paranoid about occurring. I think, "Well, I've already been rejected, so I'll just act like I haven't been." And usually the person I thought this was the case with will keep interacting with me.
And also what I'm learning is that people usually won't tell you even if they are put off by something you did or said. The way I see it, I'll just keep doing whatever I'm doing and if they cut off contact, then fine, because why would I want to continue with the torture of that ambiguity, feeling like they're pushing me away but then suddenly pulling me back in again at random? And if they finally punch me in the face and call me out on something, then good - finally! I'd have something clear to learn and we'd all be on the same page when I apologize. And if they don't accept an apology, they're too stupid to be of further use, and if they do accept an apology and we're good, then that would be a sign of a good friend worth continuing to put energy into.

And also what has helped me is to have to deal with actual rejection. You might have rejection paranoia, but once you have real life, clear cut, in your face rejection, you have to accept that because if you can't learn to let that real stuff go as soon as possible, you'll just keep trudging down and down and down. I think of it like the bludgers in Harry Potter. When someone doesn't answer my e-mail, I'm thinking, "Woah! That one almost hit me and I would have been a gonner, but it didn't. Now I gotta face forward again and focus and keep going."

You have a choice about how to respond to things, you really do. And it's okay to tell yourself things like "I'm incredibly amazing!" even if you know it's not true. It also can't be true that you're an ugly idiot that everyone in the world hates. Why lie to yourself in that direction when it feels better to lie to yourself in the other direction?

Yes, I am very familiar with that feeling. I can really relate to you. I also sometimes keep a distance from people even before they reject me, so that they don't have to reject me. One thing I learned is that it feels a bit better if you can just "not care" about what they think of you. "Not caring" also helps in that you are not letting people enjoy your feeling of devastation, because people often ostracize someone, hoping that that person will show some sign of being hurt, which they enjoy. I think we (you, I and others on the spectrum) should have more faith in ourselves and try to see ourselves more positively. I think that's the way to deal with this kind of problem.

Nope, that's classic Borderline PD behaviour though.

"Catastrophising" (thoughts spiraling out of control assuming the worst) is an anxiety thing, but manipulative behaviour in view of perceived abandonment is very BPD.

I didn't see that the OP was being manipulative?

There's also rejection sensitivity, which is common alongside bipolar disorder.

At times. I am just a bit paranoid, methinks.

Yup - all the time.

Meet someone new, talk to them for 2 days in a row. 3rd day theyre not around because their busy, im already getting over them and moving on. Yay!
These days its easier to distract myself but years ago - the sleepless nights just aint worth it.

I agree, it isn't manipulative. It is just that the anxiety is so great that i'd rather walk away (certain outcome) rather than wonder endlessly if the person will call or not.